Re: just found out my wife cheated 23 years ago
Your single issue is your wife is still in an affair with this guy even if is now an emotional affair. She must have no doubt that she has robbed you of many years of your marriage and this cannot be swept upper the carpet simply because she has had her fill .
Stop analysing and start doing , book a polygraph test, have a set of questions that you require answers to. Only let your wife know of the polygraph two or three days ahead. On the interim have a very clear conversation with her , emphasise she has taken away all trust , she has tainted the memories of the good times in your marriage and for you move on and to foregive her you have to know what you are forgiving. She must tell you everything, for example if you ask what she said on her last conversation with him she tells you, let her know you have booked a plolygraph and she has xx amount of time to come clean.
If she declines she is protecting the OM and is still in the affair, you then take action to break the affair , the first step is to expose the truth. Under no circumstance must you assume the affair is over , an affair over his period of time says there are deep emotional bonds , for you to move forward she has to do her everything to recover the marriage.
A polygraph is one of the few tools you have to verify the end of the affair and if she is being truthful. She will be unconfortable however as there is a very strong likleyhood they were intimate in your marital bed the discomfort she will feel does not compare to the hurt of betrayal you have.
Do not dilute the requirements for full honesty , this is required for you to recover.
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Last edited by Eli-Zor; 02-25-2011 at 04:33 AM.