Re: just found out my wife cheated 23 years ago
I had to laugh when you said that your wife accused YOU of having a trust problem. She fails to see the irony in this comment? It is so very easy to turn the table and say "you have the problem, not me"! You do have a trust problem and guess what, she created it! I would think you are an idiot if you didn't have doubts about her based on this revelation! She is a liar, pure and simple. She has lied to you about something that is incredibly important to the two of you - your marriage. Now let's consider what else she has lied about???
She does not sound very remorseful either. You need complete and total transparency with her - cell phones, e-mail accounts, Facebook (cancel the damn thing!) etc. Yes, you do need to know what she is doing all the time. Oh yeah, and no more contact with the OM. Absolutely none....and you tell her if she does, that is it for you. Has to be an ultimatum there. If you want to save this marriage, and if she wants to as well, she needs to understand that she has damaged your trust and it needs to be repaired. This is a long process and some say once broken, it can never be fixed, totally. You will always have doubt, trust me on that.
Go get some marriage counseling as well. You are going to have to work at it.