Not sure who has read my story, so I'll sum it up here:
My partner was unfaithful through the internet for 9 months, doing webcam sex with strangers and also a 3 week 'fling' through second life (an online virtual world). He's very remorseful and we're well on the way to putting things back together.
Here is the current problem:
He is answering whatever questions I ask about his infidelity and giving me whatever info I request. However it is important for me to know that he is NOW telling the truth 100% and not leaving things out or lying. It is so important to know he is being honest...for example, he says with the virtual world fling, that they only had sex chat, not voice chat. I want to verify this and other details.
I asked him if he would be willing to get back in touch with the woman he did this with and ask her, while I was looking over his shoulder, the answers to whatever questions I wanted to know - her answers matching with his would verify what he is saying is 100% true. He said yes he would be willing to do this as he will do whatever it takes. I also said once we have these answers I want him to tell her certain other things like NO CONTACT, that what he did was wrong, that I am the centre of his world...etc. Things to make it clear it's over between them and he loves me so much and she means nothing to him. He said he is willing to do this too. I also said if she is willing I want to be able to speak with her over voice and camera, to look into her eyes and tell her how much her selfishness hurt me - and also that she had no business getting close to MY fiance and finally that she's a selfish, dishonourable ***** because she showed no regard for my partner, just used him for sex - and was cheating on her own boyfriend / husband while she did it.
We tried contacting the other woman through his account (she does NOT yet know that I know). We thought if she knew what it was about she wouldn't come online. Twice she has not been online when we tried (this has all been with me observing, and I also now have all his passwords and he said I can go into his accounts anytime). This was getting too stressful, so we sent her a message asking her to meet us (well, him, she doesn't know about me yet) online next Sunday night.
She wrote back saying
- she would not meet him
- he should just ask what he wants
- she will never talk about 'those conversations we had', and then she said 'not that interesting sorry'.
I don't know if she meant to say 'not that interesting' as in 'the conversations weren't interesting' or as in 'not INTERESTED' ..'i'm not INTERESTED in you or what we talked about' and she just made a typo.
We haven't replied yet. Fiance is upset by this as am I...we need her to co-operate to put this behind us. He's still willing to do whatever it takes and whatever I deem necessary to fix this. I'm not sure where to go from here. My fiance said from what he could tell she was a selfish and reckless person (yes he is aware he was being the same at the time) so appealing to her 'better nature' might not do anything.
What I am TEMPTED to do is send her a message on that world from my fiance's account (with him knowing of course). To tell her that I am aware of the 3 week affair and that the two of us are trying to heal and move on, but we need her help and I need to talk to the woman that was intimate with my fiance so can she please meet us online? On the other hand if she is such a selfish ***** she will cheat on her own partner I don't know if she would turn up.
Can anyone suggest anything please? I want to talk to this woman face to face and verify some answers and also ask her what the hell she thought she was doing. I know it's my fiance I am engaged to and he is the one that cheated but she has morally wronged ME and I want the chance to face her down!
My partner was unfaithful through the internet for 9 months, doing webcam sex with strangers and also a 3 week 'fling' through second life (an online virtual world). He's very remorseful and we're well on the way to putting things back together.
Here is the current problem:
He is answering whatever questions I ask about his infidelity and giving me whatever info I request. However it is important for me to know that he is NOW telling the truth 100% and not leaving things out or lying. It is so important to know he is being honest...for example, he says with the virtual world fling, that they only had sex chat, not voice chat. I want to verify this and other details.
I asked him if he would be willing to get back in touch with the woman he did this with and ask her, while I was looking over his shoulder, the answers to whatever questions I wanted to know - her answers matching with his would verify what he is saying is 100% true. He said yes he would be willing to do this as he will do whatever it takes. I also said once we have these answers I want him to tell her certain other things like NO CONTACT, that what he did was wrong, that I am the centre of his world...etc. Things to make it clear it's over between them and he loves me so much and she means nothing to him. He said he is willing to do this too. I also said if she is willing I want to be able to speak with her over voice and camera, to look into her eyes and tell her how much her selfishness hurt me - and also that she had no business getting close to MY fiance and finally that she's a selfish, dishonourable ***** because she showed no regard for my partner, just used him for sex - and was cheating on her own boyfriend / husband while she did it.
We tried contacting the other woman through his account (she does NOT yet know that I know). We thought if she knew what it was about she wouldn't come online. Twice she has not been online when we tried (this has all been with me observing, and I also now have all his passwords and he said I can go into his accounts anytime). This was getting too stressful, so we sent her a message asking her to meet us (well, him, she doesn't know about me yet) online next Sunday night.
She wrote back saying
- she would not meet him
- he should just ask what he wants
- she will never talk about 'those conversations we had', and then she said 'not that interesting sorry'.
I don't know if she meant to say 'not that interesting' as in 'the conversations weren't interesting' or as in 'not INTERESTED' ..'i'm not INTERESTED in you or what we talked about' and she just made a typo.
We haven't replied yet. Fiance is upset by this as am I...we need her to co-operate to put this behind us. He's still willing to do whatever it takes and whatever I deem necessary to fix this. I'm not sure where to go from here. My fiance said from what he could tell she was a selfish and reckless person (yes he is aware he was being the same at the time) so appealing to her 'better nature' might not do anything.
What I am TEMPTED to do is send her a message on that world from my fiance's account (with him knowing of course). To tell her that I am aware of the 3 week affair and that the two of us are trying to heal and move on, but we need her help and I need to talk to the woman that was intimate with my fiance so can she please meet us online? On the other hand if she is such a selfish ***** she will cheat on her own partner I don't know if she would turn up.
Can anyone suggest anything please? I want to talk to this woman face to face and verify some answers and also ask her what the hell she thought she was doing. I know it's my fiance I am engaged to and he is the one that cheated but she has morally wronged ME and I want the chance to face her down!