Aggressive Negotiations

twotimeloser · 03-08-2011, 07:43 AM

You know what happens to people who have cancer, and dont take care of it?

Yep... they die.

It would be different if you could actually work on it each day, but talking about it for 10 days, then sending your spouse back into the lion's den is suicide.

I realize that you are not going to just say " stop going to school" but i fear anything other than that will result in failure.

You have a very tough decision to make. If this were me... and please be advised that this is very risky...

I would cut her off completely. no pick up from the airport, no welcoming home, nothing. You have a 10% chance at best, that this will let her see what her future holds without you and it may motivate her to come to you seeking reconcilliation. There is a 90% chance that it willnot work at all and make things worse... but if she goes back to school in 10 days.. you have a 0% chance of success.

You are in a worst case scenario. Sorry.

The 13th_Floor · 03-08-2011, 08:16 AM

Like... Zoyks, Scoob!

Bigwayneo · 03-08-2011, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saffron

I do think both LSs knowing they have a DS is important. I hate to think of what would've happened if my husband had never gotten caught. The issues in himself and our marriage would've never been addressed, almost guaranteeing that he would've cheated again someday. Who's to say I wouldn't have eventually fallen into the trap of an EA? At least now we're hopefully building a stronger bond and marriage, one that could last over time.

the only Issue I am having is my wife is semi working at it. She is doing better to make me feel better, and understanding about me being down at times. But she needs to start "walking the walk" instead of just talking. I plan on sitting down and letting her know that tonight. I can't force her, but let her know she needs to start.

The 13th_Floor · 03-08-2011, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twotimeloser

You know what happens to people who have cancer, and dont take care of it?

Yep... they die.

It would be different if you could actually work on it each day, but talking about it for 10 days, then sending your spouse back into the lion's den is suicide.

I realize that you are not going to just say " stop going to school" but i fear anything other than that will result in failure.

You have a very tough decision to make. If this were me... and please be advised that this is very risky...

I would cut her off completely. no pick up from the airport, no welcoming home, nothing. You have a 10% chance at best, that this will let her see what her future holds without you and it may motivate her to come to you seeking reconcilliation. There is a 90% chance that it willnot work at all and make things worse... but if she goes back to school in 10 days.. you have a 0% chance of success.

You are in a worst case scenario. Sorry.

twotimeloser -

Yep, my situation is not as easy as I wish it was which is why I'm kind of just saying **** it. I can cut her off completely right now if I wanted, but it makes no sense to. I honestly rather just stay civil and be friends for the sake of our child and our current situation. I know she strayed, I know why, I'll try to fix it, with or without a confession, but I won't get my hopes up.

Honestly, I would rather just stay good friends for now, have fun when we see each other, no lovey dubby ****, unless she initiates, and no strings will ever be attached. If one day down the road she tells me she's done, I will have had plenty of time to prepare for it since I'm leaving my everlasting love at the door starting 3 weeks ago. I should probably be more emotional, call her to ask why this or that, but honestly, if she did cheat, it's not even worth my time.

You said I'm in the worst possible scenario, you're ****ing right I am. So why stress myself out over it? If this is the beginning of the end, I'm going out with a bang. No seriously, I'm going to bang her when I see her. Gotta take advantage while I can. Pig, I know, but I feel content with this mindset. I'm smart, she's smart, she'll come to her senses one way or another. She knows I know, she can't lie for ****. I just don't care at this point.

We talked on the phone for 3 hours last week and there was never a dull moment, talked nothing about what happened. She made a poor decision. She's still my best friend, I'm still hers. We're each other's first long term relationship and first love. She's still the only woman out there I trust with my son.

I can't explain the feeling; we just live all out for each other.

twotimeloser · 03-08-2011, 01:13 PM

Either way, you might want to start preparing yourself to be a single dad. It was a fun time for me, i grew really close to my kids at that time.

The 13th_Floor · 03-08-2011, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twotimeloser

Either way, you might want to start preparing yourself to be a single dad. It was a fun time for me, i grew really close to my kids at that time.

I am a single dad. I took my 3 year old son with me to Europe. Been here since October of 2010. My wife is alone in the states, hence uh, everything that happened...

That's why it's easy for me to just accept and be content with the situation and either make the best of it, or make a clean break. I have no monitary worries, no debt, nothing is in her name. I do have my son, he's happy and it just works...

paramore · 03-08-2011, 01:53 PM

sounds kind of like you already have your answer....