Asking a WS to call it off is not enough, they must do it in your presence. Speaker phone on, and saying " i choose my spouse, not you.. this is over"
THose words will restore your faith in her or him... they will take away the options for the cheater, and you two will finally be working as a team again.
Being a two time loser.. I have some experience with it.. trust me it works.
What if your spouse is living in another country for school? I "suspected" the EA/PA on February 18th. I haven't seen her since January 16th of 2011. I've only confronted her about it over the phone. She cried, but didn't admit to anything and said they were just friends. The evidence, though, is very strong. I'm going to see her for the first time since finding out about this, once again, "suspected" EA/PA in a week's time.
I'll only have 10 days to do whatever the hell it is that I plan to do. Then we'll be apart again for 1 1/2 months until she moves back to her home country for the summer. Living apart makes it so much harder, but should I still take the ultimatum approach with having only a 10 day visit? I read how another poster stated her brother or something gave his wife a box with 2 brochures inside. One for a guide through a divorce and the other a guide to marriage counciling and gave her 5 days to choose. He also took over all of the finances. I'm seriously considering doing this when I get there, but again, I have such a short window to do this if I want it to happen face to face.
If she doesn't give me an answer within that window, she'll have 1 1/2 months to talk to the OM, but he's in Afghanistan so she'll have no physical contact anyway. Is it already too late for an ultimatum? I already have the "whatever happens happens" mindset, and I'm already starting to come to terms with it. I want our marriage to last, but I'm prepared for the worse. I read other posts where people have said that the longer the DS goes without confessing, or FORCED into confession, the less of a chance they ever will. I would rather this be handled now vs. 5 years from now if it happens again, you know?
Through our talks about what happened over that weekend, she finally opened up and told me she was no longer sexually attracted to me. I already have a plan as to how I'm going to approach this while I'm there, and I'm confident it might work, but since reading the posts here, it seems like I'm taking the wrong approach. It's like, I'm trying to fix her not being sexually attracted to me, instead of approaching her for the truth about what happened with the OM. I'm trying to fix what made her do it, vs. what actually happened because of it. Does that make sense?