Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach
not sure I understand? dday was a year ago, and you think no contact started in november (9 months after dday).. so you think he was been in (or your asking if he is) in withdrawl for the last 4 months?
Think I need more info to give you an opinion. I'd blindly guess he is not in the withdrawl or remorse phase, Id lean towards the smoke and mirrors phase...
That's the phase where he takes your brain on a vacation to the foggy streets of the gaslight district while he rides all the underground delights in the OW carnival.
Just speculating. Need more info.
1st, tq for reply. I know I post just a bit of history, I once put the whole story, but no single reply
. To which I deleted the thread.
Look, my H married his OW 3.5 yrs ago. Yes, u read it right. He had practiced polygamy w/o my consent. He used fake documents to get a legal marriage. His OW was his co-worker in his family business.
After the D-day last year, he was in fog until around June, where I found out that he was about to meet her secretly, I found her text on his cell. Later I found out that after the DDay he successfully sneaked out to meet her 2 times, when I have to go with the kids whole day w/o him.
I asked for divorce, but he refused, he said he can't live without the kids. I even asked him to move out of the house. Then he said he wanted to end his life. Me, stupidly, believed this (I haven't found this site yet). So I asked him to stay but he had to show his efforts to make our marriage works. He agreed to divorced the OW.
By this time the resistance came from the OW. She did many things to try to cancel the divorce procedures, try to fight him back. To make the story short, on Sept she agreed. So, that November was the time when the divorce papers signed, they legally separated.
Now, his withdrawal act started right after this. Before this, he showed his efforts to make me stay, he treated me nicely, even during the fog. But just right after the papers signed, he pulled himself back. He is distant, he made himself busy by jogging, smoking, playing games at the computer. He also stops intimacy acts and sex. For sex, he said he couldn't get hard. (I post a thread about this too)
If I asked him why he became like this, he said, nothing, he is his usual self. Any question about it make him defensive.
I sometimes think he is grieving, but it is so confusing.
Now the anniversary of the DDay is approaching, and I frequently become very low in mood, but I can't express this to him. O yeah, other things, if I showed signs of sadness, he would be annoyed by saying, why? what happened? It is already over, why bring up this thing over again?
He felt that he had done enough (by divorcing her).
help me I'm confused....