My suspicions were right, I looked at his call log, showed me his last dialed call was 9 minutes, but showed on his log the last person dialed was me. The minutes didnt add up. He put her phone number under a co workers name. He has been calling her and txting her. I didn't know if I'd have the strength, but I sent him packing. I told him he is putting his friendship with her more important than his family. He disagrees, my God where do we go from here??? I have tried and tried to find her boyfriends number, and I can't.
I called his sister who knows what happened and told her what I found tonight and he was on his way over to her house. I told him last night about my ability to see who he called, and told him I could see if he had been in contact with her. I asked him again have you had contact, said no. (this was last night) He lied again, why lie if you know I was gonna be able to find out. I am numb, we only have 1 working vehicle, and he needs it to go to work, so I am sitting here with no car.
He says he feels bad for hurting me, then why keep doing it???? I don't know what to do now. I told him I was not going to allow him to make a fool of me yet again. He was not to come home until he had zero contact with her and he was willing to work on our marriage, I will not contact him unless it's concerning visiting the kids. The stipulations will be it has to be at his sisters house, I don't want her anywhere near my children. They will spend every night here.
I'm so sorry for you paramore. I don't know what I'll do if I find another contact. As everyone has been telling me and I'm finally getting my head out of my arse and seeing, you have to be firm. Exposure worked for me, at least it may have. She did get on and tell him today it was over.
I don't want the whole sordid story of what we did out there, it wouldn't be fair to me if I exposed just this one transgression without giving the whole story and exposing my mistakes. I don't need the whole world to know that we swapped... still txting with her. I realize she isn't the problem, but with them txting i love you to each other is adding to the whole mess. she admitted her feelings but said she would have never slept with him. Bull, I told her people do crazy things in situations that they never thought they would. She said I shouldn't have kicked him out, that she wouldn't have. Now I am secondguessing myself, am I driving him right to her???
I told her I realize you are having relationship problems, and that I was sorry for that, that I had had no problem when it was just a friends thing, when they just talked about life, it's when the feelings got involved is where it crossed the line, he would call her at 530 in the morning and talk to her on the way to work, and they would talk 3 4 5 times a day during the day. They both have jobs where it's allowed, so exposing to their works would do no good. He used to call me on his lunch breaks, but as I watch kids it was when I was putting them down for nap, and he'd get upset when it seemed like I couldn't wait to get off the phone. I just txted her that if she truly cares for him and want what's best for him stop contact now so he can get his head on straight and make clear headed decisions.
She just txted me that she isn't gonna promise not to talk to him, if she truly cared for him as a friend, she'd let go and give him the chance he deserves to get his head on straight. She is being selfish, he's being stubborn. How can I trust that they wouldn't be saying I love u I love u I love u for the next 5 years if he and I got back together? That things wouldn't escalate into a PA? At least when he was at home I could keep an eye on him, because he's always been pretty good about coming just too and from work. Do I let him come back???
There is so much you said that was the same things said to me from H and her !
Yes makes me ill, I still don't know what to do about it all. I still don't even know if they talk. He texts all the time on his phone. And he will point things out to my kids like showing them his text messages so they know it was not him.
I am sure he's on the phone with her right now, complaining about me. I am so scared I just made things worse, he doesn't see that being involved with her isn't allowing him to get his head on straight. His sister said she is gonna try to get him to go to counseling, she did agree that he should stop talking to her, at least for now, her words not mine. She also agreed that not agreeing to let her go is putting his friendship with her above his kids and his family. I am so secondguessing myself right now. I mean I understand that if they honestly did talk about kids, relationships, etc. But the I love yous I can't wait to see you, she doesn't see IMO how things could have escalated. I told her maybe you wouldn't have done that, but people do crazy things in certain situations, I am speaking from personal experience. I want him to come home so bad, I am the one who kicked him out!!! For all I know they may not have been saying I love you to each other, and just honestly talking, but how do I know?
I just typed out an essay worth of advice, and it all deleted because my mouse clicked the back button... so unfortunately, you get the abridged retyped version, but its gonna be more pissed off now cause i have to retype.
your actions are not giving the desired result because you have no reasonable expectations.
As a matter of fact, you dont even know what YOU expect. You call the guy an S.O.B. in one sentence then say you want him back in the next. The only action you should be doing is making a decision on if you want him in your life or not.
If you do, then you need to have the balls to let him go, if he isnt onboard with you.
Here is an ugly fact... You have one car, one income for 5 people and basically you have almost zero options if a divorce happens. He will get stuck with a child support payment that will crush his paycheck and wont cover your bills. You will both be up sh*t creek without a paddle. DOES HE KNOW THAT?
Who cares if you love eachother? you NEED eachother. yes we want the marriage to work, but if he isnt going to do it for love, then he damn well do it to avoid giving BJ's on the side of the road for child support money.
You are married to an idiot. Sorry, but its true. If you tell his GF anything, it should be " Im gonna nail that son of a ***** with child support for 3 kids, plus alimony, he wont be worth a dime, you are better off romancing a hobo"
You got 3 things on your plate....
Emotional Choas because of despiration
The task of saving a marriage tainted by both of you
and concern over Food, Shelter, Children
What is most important to you?
Go tot he courthouse tommorow and get divorce papers, lay em out on the table and invite him over for a conversation. Explain to him the future he is creating for his kids, and himself.. dont even mention you. Then ask him if he is ready to jump through that hoop.
You cant do a damn thing, until this other woman is gone... so forcehim to make a choice, NOW. by tuesday, you should have your answer. Once you get him to commit tot he relationship, then we can talk about what YOU need to change and what he needs to change. But without that... dont waste your time. You can work on emotions and love after you have that.
Oh I do want him back, I just waver back and forth because of all the emotions right now. I do bring in a small income, I watch kids, but not anything that I can cover a house payment with lol. There's no way I could live out here on my own. I mean if we divorced he's still responsible for the house payment and second mortgage, our finances are still tied together. He won't be able to stay at sisters forever, and he can't afford a place to live. I know that regardless of love we need each other financially. I find out this last week that's one of the real reasons he came back the first time.
Right now, the needs of my children are most important hands down. I understand his head isn't in the right place but he's refusing to deal with his issues to get it on straight. Saying I love you to some other woman isn't going to get that to happen. Right now all i can do is focus on my kids and myself, I can't force him to come to his senses and wake up, and yes I will be strong enough to give him up when the time comes.
I can't go to the courthouse tomorrow, he's got the vehicle, I am hoping his sister has an extra car he can borrow to get to work I need to have an available vehicle. I will try to get a hold of him tomorrow as I have a few more questions for him anyways, and I will explain this to him.
Can you believe twotime that he disagrees with my statement that he is putting his friendship with her before his family? I mean seriously. He is choosing to keep talking to her, so I kick him out. Now he's a parttime father, he's out of his home, can't afford a place of his own, for this woman. How is that NOT putting her before his family. I asked him how he feels about another man possibly helping raise his kids, he said he didn't like that idea.
I mean seriously is talking to her so important that he only sees his kids a few times a week? Is it worth him possibly having to stay at his sisters for years? Is it worth losing me forever? There is a part of him that wants to work it out. Is it worth going from a house that we've lived in for 8 years to some little apartment. Oh wait that could be what he wants, he's mentioned he wants our life to be more simple, well I have taken some steps to make that happen, nothing happens overnight. Is it worth it not watching his son play playstation every night for a little while? Just because he wants to talk to some woman? HE IS PUTTING HER FIRST!!! Plain and simple, he needs to pull his head out of his bum and see this.
If he bonks her, ohhhh I may end up in jail lol. Sad attempt at humor lol. I realize at this stage he is in that fog, I mean is it really worth it, I say hell to the no.
I can't go to the courthouse tomorrow, he's got the vehicle, I am hoping his sister has an extra car he can borrow to get to work I need to have an available vehicle.
Now he's a parttime father, he's out of his home, can't afford a place of his own, for this woman.
How is that NOT putting her before his family.
I asked him how he feels about another man possibly helping raise his kids, he said he didn't like that idea.
I mean seriously is talking to her so important that he only sees his kids a few times a week?
Is it worth him possibly having to stay at his sisters for years?
Is it worth losing me forever?
Is it worth going from a house that we've lived in for 8 years to some little apartment.
Is it worth it not watching his son play playstation every night for a little while?
I mean is it really worth it, I say hell to the no.
There is no such thing as Can't, only won't. a cab, a friend, a relative... there are a bunch of ways you could get where you need to be tommorow. You need to KNOCK himout of the fog... and seeing those papers infront of him will do that. He will think " holy crap, she actually went out and did this"
The rest of the questions you asked... well you shouldnt be asking us, you should be asking him.