Forced to confess affair?
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Old 02-28-2011, 08:52 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Forced to confess affair?

I have a niece, who was married to what we all thought was a great guy. About 5 years in he has an affair with a woman from their bridal party. A mutual guy friend discovers this and approaches the husband and basically says "What you have done is wrong, and if you don't tell your wife... i will!" So the husband has no choice but to go ahead and confess to his wife that he had an affair. Of course the wife is tore apart by this news, and its too much for her to look past and get over, with no kids, she just decides to divorce.

Has this happened to anyone else? When i heard this i was sad, but it also puzzled me. Sad ofcourse this happened to them, because my niece is a wonderful woman who deserved better. But wondered what i do if i was in the husband's position if i was stupid enough to cheat. My thing is, what's wrong is wrong and i acknowledge that. But if you have the stones to approach me and attempt to blackmail a confession out of me. Then you have to be prepared for me to threaten you with bodily harm. I would of told the guy to mind his business, and his business is not telling my wife ANYTHING! I know the guy did what he thought was right, and my niece's husband is not an aggressor. So this was never an issue. But i just had to think of how i'd feel if a mutual friend (if it was a guy) would approach me with such a thing.
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Old 02-28-2011, 08:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Forced to confess affair?

The OW's H is the one who told me, and told my H the same thing. The answer my H had was to try and make sure he couldn't find me. Honestly, I think its more upsetting that some people think its okay to lie about that in the first place. You shouldn't have to be blackmailed into telling your spouse, but it happens. My H didn't like the fact this guy busted him out, but honestly it always comes out of the closet. Eventually. Maybe twenty years from now, maybe tomorrow. Why not do the right thing in the first place?
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Old 02-28-2011, 09:20 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I think it is great she divorced him, more loyal spouses should get out when there are no children. I wonder why he got married in the first place. It would have been easier to stay single and continue seeing other women.

I think the man did the right thing he bucked the code of silence but that makes him a decent man. He felt more compassion for for your niece than for her husband.

Who cares what a cheater thinks, if he got aggressive, the decent man would have to remind him that assault would bring more problems.
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Old 02-28-2011, 09:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Forced to confess affair?

[QUOTE=DawnD;263779]The OW's H is the one who told me, and told my H the same thing. The answer my H had was to try and make sure he couldn't find me. Honestly, I think its more upsetting that some people think its okay to lie about that in the first place. You shouldn't have to be blackmailed into telling your spouse, but it happens. My H didn't like the fact this guy busted him out, but honestly it always comes out of the closet. Eventually. Maybe twenty years from now, maybe tomorrow. Why not do the right thing in the first place?[/QUOTE]

Well that is why i can't cheat in the first place. I'm sorry you had to be informed this way, but atleast you found out.


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I think it is great she divorced him, more loyal spouses should get out when there are no children. I wonder why he got married in the first place. It would have been easier to stay single and continue seeing other women.

I think the man did the right thing he bucked the code of silence but that makes him a decent man. He felt more compassion for for your niece than for her husband.

Who cares what a cheater thinks, if he got aggressive, the decent man would have to remind him that assault would bring more problems.
Funny that you asked that, because they are Jehova Witness. So they married young 19, and they were their first lovers because you don't get to randomly date and hookup. Once you seriously date someone, you are on your way to marriage. What the belief is, and we could be way off is that he stepped out of frustration. Basically, my niece was very glamorous, easily a 10 in the looks category. Unfortunately, she was also high strung, and had a way of getting her point across. So we believe after a few years of marriage, he may have wanted to "experiment" in the bedroom, and she shot him down in her way that pretty much belittled him. Us black folk call it the "Halle Berry" syndrome.

Years ago Halle Berry was married to R&B singer Eric Benet, who cheated on her, and his reasoning was that as pretty as Halle Berry was, she wasn't down for anything extra in the bedroom, and you couldn't convince her because... she's Halle Berry and you better be happy just to be sharing a bed with her. So that's what we kinda thought happened here. My niece would get hit on EVERYWHERE, and her husband, while handsome, was just a regular guy. With them having no prior experiences, she probably didn't have any thoughts about pushing the boundaries in the bedroom. She shot him down, and then all of a sudden this OW ( who was fat and nowhere near as attractive) comes in and says "Sure, i'll do that." And there you have it.
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Old 02-28-2011, 09:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Forced to confess affair?

The logical consequence of an affair is a broken marriage. Those who don't want to deal with the consequences shouldn't have affairs. It would be great if the OM had minded his own business but deceptions have a way of being discovered one way or the next. If you always do what you know is right, you never have to worry about truth being revealed. Make truth your buddy. I aint perfect but I try to live in such a way that should anyone even falsely accuse me of something dishonorable or dishonest, nobody would believe them.
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Old 02-28-2011, 09:58 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Forced to confess affair?

I found out threw our neighbor. She told my W she had a couple of hours to tell me, well she didn't....
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Old 02-28-2011, 10:15 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I found out threw our neighbor. She told my W she had a couple of hours to tell me, well she didn't....
That's something because most neighbor's... wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news. My wife thinks our neighbor next door is cheating with the autorepair owner right across the street. I'm torn, we both loathe the neighbor, but the mechanic owner is a pretty good guy and been good for our cars. Nothing would bring me more joy then to inform her husband that this guy comes over for an hour everyday while he is at work. But i don't want to mess the mechanic up.
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Old 02-28-2011, 10:23 AM   #8 (permalink)
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That's something because most neighbor's... wouldn't want to be the bearer of bad news. My wife thinks our neighbor next door is cheating with the autorepair owner right across the street. I'm torn, we both loathe the neighbor, but the mechanic owner is a pretty good guy and been good for our cars. Nothing would bring me more joy then to inform her husband that this guy comes over for an hour everyday while he is at work. But i don't want to mess the mechanic up.
That is a tuff spot.
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Old 02-28-2011, 10:33 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I think there's little to be gained from getting in the middle of other peoples' marriage business. Most people on a track to destruction don't need their neighbor greasing the rails for them. Dysfunctional people frequently hook up and it's handiest that way. Better for two people to be miserable than four. Unless their situation involves blood, flames, or gunfire, it's generally best to stay out of it.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:03 AM   #10 (permalink)
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THe other guys girlfriend contacted my wife and threatened to tell me, when she told me that, i laughed out loud... maybe from shock, but i was like... " that chick is so hot, why would he go with you?" yeah it was mean but compared to this girl, my wife was a beast.

I was half tempted to play that card, but i took the moral high ground.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Self-preservation prevails over honesty once again. We also should never forget that one man's beast is another man's fantasy.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:45 AM   #12 (permalink)
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After I found out my wife had affairs, I contacted the other women to let them know what their husbands had done. In one case, this woman acted upset that I told her. Her sorry husband had lied so long to her that she just wouldn't allow the possiblity. She didn't believe me until I called her and gave her proof.
See you shouldn't have to go outta your to explain it to someone. Sure she had a lot to lose, but she had to know something was up anyway. She was just being naive, and wanted you to damn near provide video evidence + a confession in order for her to believe you.

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I think there's little to be gained from getting in the middle of other peoples' marriage business. Most people on a track to destruction don't need their neighbor greasing the rails for them. Dysfunctional people frequently hook up and it's handiest that way. Better for two people to be miserable than four. Unless their situation involves blood, flames, or gunfire, it's generally best to stay out of it.
That's where i am at with my neighbor. I would love to drop the dime, because of my disdain, but if it ever got back to her that its me, she'd cause some type of trouble, and i'd hate to have to deal with this woman on another level.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:49 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My thing is, what's wrong is wrong and i acknowledge that. But if you have the stones to approach me and attempt to blackmail a confession out of me. Then you have to be prepared for me to threaten you with bodily harm. I would of told the guy to mind his business, and his business is not telling my wife ANYTHING! I know the guy did what he thought was right, and my niece's husband is not an aggressor. So this was never an issue. But i just had to think of how i'd feel if a mutual friend (if it was a guy) would approach me with such a thing.
Then I would be prepared for such an idiotic thing as a beatdown for acting as a tool to the one you love.

Have the stones to not cheat. If a good friend tells you to do right by your wife, have some respect.

And be prepared for a beatdown that you deserve.
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Then I would be prepared for such an idiotic thing as a beatdown for acting as a tool to the one you love.

Have the stones to not cheat. If a good friend tells you to do right by your wife, have some respect.

And be prepared for a beatdown that you deserve.
Good point.
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Rob it's a sad story all around. I am going to say something that may draw criticism but i think religious training is good because it inspires us to be good and gives us comfort and hope through prayers but i think that some religions are a blight on relationships between men and women. I am certain God does not condone this damage. These young people were maneuvered into marrying too young, and the woman was imbued with negative views of sex, I hope church is proud it was a failure before it began.. They may very well have had a loving relationship if they met when they were older. I hope they were both able to move on and pit this episode behind them.

How are they doing now?
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