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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-02-2011, 07:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Mistress

I have spent the last 6 years in a Mistress roll. I really enjoy being the other women. Just lately my family have started to say what a waste of time my life is , I have explained to them that I enjoy my life. Am I wrong for being in this situation ? I have always been the other women since my divorce.

D
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Old 03-02-2011, 07:37 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

Yes. I believe it's wrong. Does the other woman know about you? If not she is forced to participate in a dynamic she knows nothing about, that impacts her greatly and she has no choice in it.

Secondly you are second choice, not first. Who would want that?
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Old 03-02-2011, 07:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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No, she does not know about me. I know I am not first choice, I really can't explain why I am happy to be 2nd choice... This is my problem, why am I happy to be in this situation ?

I have know Idea about her, he never really talks about her, all I know is her name.
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

Are you serious? Or are you a troll? Seems like you are looking to stir up something. This is a forum for COPING WITH INFIDELITY. You are coming here looking for sympathy for being the bad guy?

You need to seek a counselor if you feel that you seek out to destroy marriages. Maybe put that energy towards something more positive. You lack empathy, and thrive on the pain you cause others. You like it because it's exciting. Your family is right to tell you that you aren't doing anything worthwhile with your life.
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~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

I am not a troll, just muddled up I guess. I do not want to destroy his marriage, that is no aim of mine. We just enjoy each others company..
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

Just imagine what his wife will feel or do once she finds out about you..if there are children involved imagine how they will feel when they find out. You know it's just a matter of time before your affair is discovered.
My husband had an emotional affair..and believe me when I tell you it was heart wrenching to say the least. We separated for awhile because of this. My two (adult) children didn't talk to him for a long time. They were just as devastated as i was.
I don't know why you're happy either.
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:38 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

I'd guess you're probably happy because you get the benefits of a relationship without the day-to-day headaches. I say this without knowing any of your details, of course. But it's the same reason why affairs are such an attraction for everyone.

You get the physical love, the dating, the attention... But you don't have to put up with him when he's sick, or deal with his financial issues, or do his laundry when you've been working all day... What's not to like? You get to keep your house the way you like, and don't have to negotiate or compromise.

The drawback of course is that you'll never fully have him. Eventually, you'll grow old alone. You won't have anyone to take care of you if you're sick, or having a really crappy week. His family will likely take priority when you want to do something and he's got family obligation. You won't have the benefits financially of a joint relationship, being able to fund a retirement together. I'd say these are the reasons your family says you're wasting your life. You may be happy now, but what does the future hold? Are you moving forward to any kind of future relationship, or just treading water?

C
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Old 03-02-2011, 09:26 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

U guys are overanalyzing this. She isn't trying to convince us she's happy with her situation... she's trying to convince herself! Or else why come here? She knows full well her role in this and how it can turn up b adly for her. Mistrisses are a lot of things, but they are not fools. They know they have a slim chance of making it to the #1 spot, even though she says she's glad she's #2, i don't believe that.
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:07 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

My guess is that you have extremely low self esteem. You feel like a man is choosing you over his wife. It makes you feel good to know you can "take" another man.

Figure out where your self esteem issues started and get to work. You don't need to be better than someone else to be worthy of love. Eventually you'll respect yourself and see this man as the weak person he is.

Hopefully then you'll have the guts to tell his wife. She doesn't deserve this no matter what he tells you she's done.
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhereAmI View Post
My guess is that you have extremely low self esteem. You feel like a man is choosing you over his wife. It makes you feel good to know you can "take" another man.

Figure out where your self esteem issues started and get to work. You don't need to be better than someone else to be worthy of love. Eventually you'll respect yourself and see this man as the weak person he is.

Hopefully then you'll have the guts to tell his wife. She doesn't deserve this no matter what he tells you she's done.
I could never tell his wife ! His wife does not have a clue that I exist. I don't think she would even suspect he was seeing anyone.
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:21 AM   #11 (permalink)
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How would you feel if you were really just a 3rd? I bet you wouldn't feel as good. If he is willing to have a relationship with you even though he is married whats to say he isn't having a relationship with other women?

You need to stop this behavior, if not for him and his family at least do it for yourself so that you can live a real life and not a false sense of reality.

Find your own love, one you don't have to share, because it may feel good to do what you do, but I promise you nothing can feel better than loving someone with all your heart and knowing that they love you with all of theirs.
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:27 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

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Originally Posted by Digby View Post
No, she does not know about me. know
Somehow I doubt that. A wife knows! It's hard not to see what is going on when your spouse is cheating. It's just that the wife doesn't want to rock the boat and risk losing her family. I've been there. Do this poor woman a favor, and walk away from her husband. He has cheated on his wife; he will surely cheat on you too.
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:33 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

It's wrong hands down, you deserve better than that....enough said.
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Old 03-02-2011, 10:35 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

Quote:
Originally Posted by 827Aug View Post
Somehow I doubt that. A wife knows! It's hard not to see what is going on when your spouse is cheating. It's just that the wife doesn't want to rock the boat and risk losing her family. I've been there. Do this poor woman a favor, and walk away from her husband. He has cheated on his wife; he will surely cheat on you too.
And how! She knows..trust me. And he WILL cheat on you as well.
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Old 03-02-2011, 11:01 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Mistress

Please leave this man. She knows in her gut. He may very well have the wool pulled over her eyes, as my wife had the wool pulled over mine. This site helps those who are on the other end, his wife's shoes. That is where I am, as well as many on this site. Many others have been there. We are all, I believe, trying our best to save our marriages from the effects of what you are involved in. The pain is, at times, unbearable.

Even if she doesn't have a clue, you are stealing time, energy, and emotion that he should be spending on his wife. A person can only do so much. His marriage might suck. He could work on that. If he put the energy into that instead of spending it on you, his marriage may become better.

How about you tell his wife and refer her to this site so these folks can help her through this extremely difficult situation. I don't think you realize the pain that you are causing.
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