03-04-2011, 02:08 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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| Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Utah
Posts: 3
|  Just Dealing
Okay so I am jumping in with both feet. I have read a few of the posts and I just need to get out what I am going through. I joined this forum to hopefully get some advise and support from people who are going through at least similar things as I am.
So D-Day for me was Christmas I found an email that my H had written to the OW I was devastated and yet trying to not let on I knew as our 3 children were right there. I went about a week not knowing what was going on asking myself questions like how can this be happening? I did some research on options that I had and decided I wanted to try and save my marriage and that ultimately I love this man. We have been married for 14 years and have known each other for 26 years. We have been through a lot and the emotional affair took place shortly after my oldest son left home without any warning to us. I was having a hard time dealing with the feelings I was having over my son leaving and he turned to the OW. I felt like something was wrong and told him I thought I was losing him and what could we do to change what was happening. This just led to fights I guess because of his guilt because at this time I didn't know about their relationship. I began discovering other things after D-Day, like he was supposed to be going out with friends and went to a play with her. Discovered that when he asked me to get some money out of his wallet. He is in a cover band and they had a gig on New Years eve, I was invited and decided to go by the way the OW is the lead singer of the band. I wanted to see for myself what was going on. I went to this party where I knew no one except the band members. He played the gig and every break they had she was right by his side. She would not get up even when I walked in the room and he became so uncomfortable with the situation that he began avoiding both of us. At the end of the night everyone was hugging and saying good night my H hugged a girl and I was watching the OW face and she had jelousy all over it. I knew then what I was dreading. My H and I talked and I thought we had decided to work on our marriage and that it was over with her. Yet she continued to text him and email him and call him with all of her problems. From things such as problems she was having with her ex and her children and her pets ect. ect. I lost it and sent her a short email that said she needed to back off and quit sending my H "miss you" texts. This was about a week after the gig. He defended her and said that he wasn't mad at me because it was a reaction to something he did. He then started trying to take all the blame for the affair and that he manipulated me and that she was not quilty. Now forgive my sarcasm but IS HE SERIOUS!! I still wanted to move past this and work on us so I suggested that we set aside time for us to do things and to date. We did and it seemed like everything was going well and that we were trying. Turns out I was the only one trying, he would bury himself in his computer and not talk to me. He was still chatting with her, I broke down and told him how upset that made me and that the contact had to stop for us to move on. I was trying to get him to open up to me and he just ignored me and I went to bed crying with no comfort from him. Well fast forward to a week later he told me he was moving out and it was because he didn't like the person he has become and the way he is treating me. He says that he wants to get help and find out what is wrong with him and that this is a trial seperation that we get the chance to work on ourselves and see if anything can be salvaged. I want my marriage to work I love my H and I can still see love in his eyes when he looks at me. I just don't know where this is going right now. He moved into his parents across town, I am here with the kids and the worst part of it was my daughters birthday was 3 days after he moved out so I was left to deal with it on my own and then I had to play Happy Hostess to him and his family. I failed! It is all too raw for me to be okay. I want him to get the help he needs so that he can be present in the marriage and so that I can stand up for myself. I want to give him the time and space and support he needs but I am going crazy and am hurting so much.
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