Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
Spend as much time as possible with your spouse. Make time for them even if it interferes with something you would really like to do. Put your spouse before your want and needs.
Answer any questions they have and answer them truthfully; Do not tell petty little lies, it only makes things worse. If your going to lie about something small, when you get caught in the lie, your spouse will begin to think about what else you could be lying about.
Open up to your spouse, tell them about your thoughts and fears so that they don't think that you are detaching from them again. Become transparent; leave your cell phone out and about so if your spouse wants to check it they can, and also let them know this is ok. Don't just say "You don't believe me?! Then here, take a look at my phone!', you have no reason to be trusted so don't act like you should. Leave your user name and password out so if your spouse feels so obliged they can check your social sites and e-mail if they feel the need or if curiousity strikes. Go over all this with them and let them know that you no longer have anything to hide, that your life is an open book to them now and that you are fine with them checking things like your bank account, cell phone bills, social sites and e-mails, ect. Be sincere about it and allow them to do it on their own time so that they don't feel even more uncomfortable about it.
Tell them at least once a day about how you appreciate them or how good they look, or anything that can help rebuild their self esteem and self worth. Let them know that they are needed and wanted.
The worst thing you can do is to get into a defensive position! I don't care what happened before the affair, it happened and you made the decision to carry out the affair so own up to it, don't make excuses. I know its easier said then done, but you really have to try to refrain from becoming defensive.
If you're going to ask someone for their advice make sure the person knows everything that happened so that they can give you relevant advice. I don't care if you don't want people to know what happened, chances are they might find out later anyways so you mine as well be the one to tell them because it will look better coming from you then from a 3rd party. You know the whole story and you can explain yourself and your actions whereas someone else will just tell people what their opinion is of the situation.
These are just a few of the many do's and don'ts... Everyone here has been through this all before and they have some really great advice, so listen and learn...
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex
Lol, noooo. I don't like feet and I wana do sumin clean, lol.
SEE!!! IT WORKED!
You've changed at the mere suggestion of BJ's & Steak!
Now you wanna suddenly do somthin clean!? Last week you wanted to do somethin filthy like suck off the neighbor or the OM you was sharing da split-tail with!
Miracle therapy I tell ya!!
Now, if you can manage to keep the wandering clam on lockdown and settle in for a very loooong session of putting your LS first and understanding you destroyed his reality and broke his heart maybe you get lucky and he gives you another chance.
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach
SEE!!! IT WORKED!
You've changed at the mere suggestion of BJ's & Steak!
Now you wanna suddenly do somthin clean!? Last week you wanted to do somethin filthy like suck off the neighbor or the OM you was sharing da split-tail with!
Miracle therapy I tell ya!!
Now, if you can manage to keep the wandering clam on lockdown and settle in for a very loooong session of putting your LS first and understanding you destroyed his reality and broke his heart maybe you get lucky and he gives you another chance.
omgosh....LOLOL!! I'm sorry, I had to laugh.......
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forsaken
Spend as much time as possible with your spouse. Make time for them even if it interferes with something you would really like to do. Put your spouse before your want and needs.
Answer any questions they have and answer them truthfully; Do not tell petty little lies, it only makes things worse. If your going to lie about something small, when you get caught in the lie, your spouse will begin to think about what else you could be lying about.
Open up to your spouse, tell them about your thoughts and fears so that they don't think that you are detaching from them again. Become transparent; leave your cell phone out and about so if your spouse wants to check it they can, and also let them know this is ok. Don't just say "You don't believe me?! Then here, take a look at my phone!', you have no reason to be trusted so don't act like you should. Leave your user name and password out so if your spouse feels so obliged they can check your social sites and e-mail if they feel the need or if curiousity strikes. Go over all this with them and let them know that you no longer have anything to hide, that your life is an open book to them now and that you are fine with them checking things like your bank account, cell phone bills, social sites and e-mails, ect. Be sincere about it and allow them to do it on their own time so that they don't feel even more uncomfortable about it.
Tell them at least once a day about how you appreciate them or how good they look, or anything that can help rebuild their self esteem and self worth. Let them know that they are needed and wanted.
The worst thing you can do is to get into a defensive position! I don't care what happened before the affair, it happened and you made the decision to carry out the affair so own up to it, don't make excuses. I know its easier said then done, but you really have to try to refrain from becoming defensive.
If you're going to ask someone for their advice make sure the person knows everything that happened so that they can give you relevant advice. I don't care if you don't want people to know what happened, chances are they might find out later anyways so you mine as well be the one to tell them because it will look better coming from you then from a 3rd party. You know the whole story and you can explain yourself and your actions whereas someone else will just tell people what their opinion is of the situation.
These are just a few of the many do's and don'ts... Everyone here has been through this all before and they have some really great advice, so listen and learn...
Thank you for your comment. At the moment, my bloke isn't talking to me. I don't know how I could even get him talking to me again. If anyone has any advice on how I could do this, could you please tell me??
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
E-mail, text, write a letter, do whatever you need to do to reach him and spill your guts to him, and make sure it's sincere. If you don't mean it, don't say/write it.
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forsaken
E-mail, text, write a letter, do whatever you need to do to reach him and spill your guts to him, and make sure it's sincere. If you don't mean it, don't say/write it.
I have a letter that I wrote him when he left which I never sent him, I can't even remember what I wrote. What do you mean by spill my guts??, do you mean tell him stuff about the cheating again??, or do you mean pour my heart out and tell him how I feel about him??
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
Quote:
Originally Posted by xBaby-Louisex
I have a letter that I wrote him when he left which I never sent him, I can't even remember what I wrote. What do you mean by spill my guts??, do you mean tell him stuff about the cheating again??, or do you mean pour my heart out and tell him how I feel about him??
Yes I mean to pour your heart out to him, and if it's done, its done. If he refuses to talk to you then you may just want to move on.
Re: How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back??
HI there
A lot of people tend to cheat for some reason. Maybe the grass is greener the other side.
Anyway if you cheat you play with your partner's trust and love towards you. If he's still with you that's a good sign.
You need to make plan first to make him feel that you haven't lost interest in him.
I read this blog sometimes when i feel i need advice and has a lot of interesting tips and helped me a lot to improve and fix my relationship.
How do I prove I have changed and gain trust back?? 
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