quikslvr24

I really don't know where to begin. On friday, today is Monday I found out my wife was having some sort of emotional affair with another man. Let me give some background, she recently reconnected with some high school friends none of who are married. I urged her to go to Las Vegas with her friends for one of their birthdays. Evidentally this is where she met him. We live in California he lives in Illinois. She was supposed to be going out of town on Friday to visit her family with our two kids. Nevertheless I went and had the car washed gassed, etc. A few days before this she told me she didn't know if she could do this anymore. This being our relationship and marriage. Anyway, I came home friday and found an open email on our computer from an account I didn't recognize, after reading a portion of it I lost my mind. She left in a hurry, picked up the kids from school, and took off to where most of her family lives. After several phone calls and heated discussions she turned her cell phone off. Come to find out she dropped my kids off and called this other guy. Of course he rushed to get on a plane and my wife spent the weekend with him. She says nothing physical happened but that he gives her the emotional feelings that I can't or won't. I am in no way innocent here, I have been emotionally detached for a long time, longer than our marriage. She tried to talk to me but I guess I wasn't listening. I have spent the last four days doing some heavy thinking, with all the emotions constantly coming and going. I realized what I did was cruel in its own way by not giving her the emotional support she wanted and needed. Yet when she got home I had transformed into a different person, the anger has subsided and I just want to try and repair this situation, she says too little too late. The night we got home we spent time talking, crying, and holding each other and now she says she is confused, she expected to come home to WW III. That my reaction is not what she expected and completely took her by surprise. She is not interested in counseling or leaving our house, but she plans on continuing her relationship with this other guy. How do I handle this, I am trying to make sure she feels safe and secure and that we don't affect our kids in a negative manner but how am I supposed to deal with my wife who doesn't want to divorce until she's done with school next June. What now?

Orville

Been through the same starting 8 weeks ago. My wife told me it was an emotional connection she and my "friend" shared and that I had not been supporting her emotionally. My reaction was shock and anger that turned to sorrow and crying a day or so later. Caught her very much by surprise. Pain is bad because we also have kids 6, 8. Hate to break your bubble, but don't believe a word she says at this time. I would wager they have already been intimate. My wife finally confessed about sexual contact two weeks after the inital disclosure....back to ground zero.
You need to start working on yourself, your needs. You can't control what she does. If she does not want to break off the relationship with him, she's telling you it's over, she just wants it over on her terms not yours. Sorry Pal, I feel your pain.

quikslvr24

Thanks for the support Orville, I am trying but it's difficult especially with her living here for awhile. I don't know what to believe, though we are being civilized because of our kids.

butazez

Same boat as you guys. Probably even the same time frame. I'm not out of it yet, but I hope knowing that other people are going through the same situation lessens the feeling of being "alone" with the experience. If you read around, as I have these past few weeks, you will actually find comfort with the contents of this site, along with genuine help from this site's regular posters.

quikslvr24

Tonight we talked about filing. She said she thought I was going to file but I realized if I do my step son will lose his insurance. When I say step son I mean that I have raised him since he was two and has an absentee biological father. Basically what I am saying is that he is my son. She also said that she thought I was going to file due to things I said in anger. But when I mentioned that I would file when she told me to, she only said okay. I told her I might be scheduled to deploy towards the end of December and at first she cried, then she said maybe it was for the best. I told her I cannot be subject to civil actions so I believe now we are back to square one. With her not knowing anything more.

bluebutterfly0808

wow! first off, hats off to you for being a part of our military & protecting all of us! very commendable! second, do you want to file? don't do it unless you are 100% ready to give up, no matter what she says! so where did you leave things? is there any hope that she may come around? what kind of signals is she sending?