Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Rocky Mountain State
Wife had an emotional affair on Facebook
Two week ago, while uploading some software to my wife's phone, with her permission, I came across an email for a man whom I didn't know. I was trying to find a access email for the software, not snooping. I read the email and among other titilating conversations, she had written "you would sleep better next to me". My mind went blank, and I confronted her. In an effort to remain civil, she, while putting the kids to bed, deleted that and one other email. I continued to confront her and seek details about this person. After several hours and excuses, the truth came out. She had made contact with this person through Facebook. She dated him in high school for a short time and that was it. This all started rather harmessly, but intensified over the last 9 months. I demaded that she forward me all emails on her work computer that involved this affair. She did. However the two original emails are missing or deleted. Upon review of said emails, I learned that the affair was increasing in emotion and perhaps intent. She stated that she "thinks of him all the time" even one email stated that " trying to contact you while my husband is in the restroom". We were out having a few drinks. He lived out of town, so much of the conversations were when he was going to be close and how she wanted to meet him. We have been married nearly 17 years, two great kids and all you can ask.
For longer than I care to mention, I have been seeking greater passion & desire from her. I have talked to her over the years about this with little effort, or long term changes. This usually ends up in an argument, hurt feelings and resentment.
She explained to me that this affair was because she wanted to talk to someone who did fight with her all the time. She said it was exciting and unfinished business. However, now she is very sorry and realizes that this may be the end of our marrige. She is willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. I explained the arguments were a result of her choosing not to change with the our maturing marriage. The things she seeked from someone else, was the exact same as I was trying to develop in our relationship.
Now, I am hurt to my core. I am questioning the very basis of our relationship. I am looking at the past 17 years and wondering. I love my children, and I love my wife. All I am is for them. This shakes the very foundation of my being. I cannot seem to get any of this out of my head.
How do I move on? What is the first step? or Second Step.
I just am so confused as to what to do next.