redpoet

Thanks two time. Appreciate it.

I do have one other question:

In my first post/ story I mentioned this "girlfriend" that was serving as the messenger between my wife and OM in December. Now my wife barely talks to her anymore, maybe once a month if that.

However, I have VERY serious problems with that contact. This "girlfriend" has no qualms about starting this crap again (serving as a messenger for OM- not my wife). He still has contact with the "girlfriend" and will definitely use her to either 1) get my wife's new phone number, or 2) relay messages to my wife whether my wife wants to hear them or not.

It's like constant salt on the wound.

So, how should I approach this? I've already made it very known to my wife that I despise the "girlfriend" and will not tolerate her in our life anymore. Done. Yet, I REALLY want to send an email to this girlfriend and give her a piece of reality- nothing threatening or nasty, just expose her to her own miserable self.

Should I? I know it will make my wife agitated if I do that, BUT I would feel better if I did.

justbe

just leave her ... don't care for the cheating wife.

bangun

happy is our choice.

if i ware you. I wil rise my doughter by my self or with new kind wife. not with a bad influence for our child.

sinnister

You should do whatever YOU feel like doing to heal.

You should no longer be concerned with whether or not your wife gets agitated.

redpoet

Well.....

We attended MC on Monday, and a 45 minute session became two long hours. In a period of 2 hours, the MC looked at my wife and said "I'm confused. You just said X, but now your saying Y. It sounds like you may be very passive-aggressive at a minimum." the MC was blown away at the behavior of my wife. I just kept my mouth shut for most of the time.

that being said, I have now made my choice. As I was sitting there in MC session, it suddenly became very clear to me. There is absolutely no helping this person or this marriage. She is stuck on some odd "let's just forget the past and focus only on how we move forward" rationale. She doesn't realize that she is only HALF CORRECT. For me, there is no moving forward without knowing the FULL truth of how much I was betrayed. She would rather keep that part of the story a hiccup in our ten years together.

I am getting a divorce. I am moving to my new career, new state, all of it, ALONE. I have not yet decided if I will fight for full custody. Time will tell.

I am now taking complete control of my own life back. And it feels pretty good.

I have told her this. She wants to "separate" first, and see if we can work it out like that. I told her- "you don't understand: Separation does NOT mean you get to frolic with OM while I work. So I won't put myself through that-because I know that is what you will end up doing anyway."

Anyway, I'll keep writing on here to vent, and ask for advice. I still feel terribly sad for having to leave my daughter's daily life soon, but I will be a better Father in the end for it anyway.

redpoet

Been absent for nearly a year now-

Well, passed bar exam with flying colors. Moved cross country with family in tow. Waited until 6 months had passed so new state could acquire home state jurisdiction over custody and divorce proceedings.

Then, dropped the divorce bomb on her the day after six months in new state had passed.

It has been an absolute living hell since last year. She has exhibited increasing levels of psychosis. I watch and document closely for my custody case. Multiple instances of physical attack (as usual) on me, in front of my daughter. I document. Sometimes there are witnesses (such as family).

Yes, we are still living together, albeit basically with very minimal contact. She has to get a job (she hasn't worked since moving here 8 months ago) and some funds together to support herself. I am making an attempt at foreclosing alimony award to her; although considering her abuse and infidelity, it is not likely.

Anyway, thought I'd update my thread after such a long absence.

bandit.45

Redpoet, I officially pass my "Married to the Nastiest Sl*t" award to you. My god what an evil excuse for a human being you're married to. Why on earth have you not shown her the door? Why are you subjecting your daughter to a woman who is obviuosly mentally ill and at the very least may have BPD?

Get that vermin outta there and get custody of your daughter whatever the cost!

bryanp

Redpoet - What are you thinking? Why are you allowing your wife to physically abuse you especially in front of your child? The next time she does this you must immediately CALL THE POLICE and have her spend the night in jail. This will help you in many ways:
1. It will stop the abuse.
2. It will help you immensely in your divorce and child custody hearing.
3. It will send a message to your child that this is unacceptable behavior in a marriage and a civilized society.

By doing nothing you are sending a clear message to your wife and child that this is acceptable behavior. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Her actions have clearly shown you that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.

Falene

Actually, it is even worse....

Children learn how to deal with life from their parents. By allowing your wife to behave this way in front of your daughter without life altering repercussions you are providing your daughter with an example she would be best to do without.

I would also get "hidden" footage of the physical attacks and crazy behavior...often husbands are not believed and a picture is truly worth a thousand words.

Shaggy

Hopefully you can get full custody and her with a restraint order against her.

So what of her OM and cheating? She still with him?
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