Sorry for the book.....I just found this site and realize there are many like me.
One year ago I was recovering from a major surgery and during this time my fiance started talking to a woman he had an affair with years prior with his ex wife. This woman was the cause of some arguments he and I had early on in our relationship, we have been together for 8 years. I obviously did not know about these conversations because he kept them SECRET.
I had absolutely NO trust issues, I am not a jealous person so I had no reason to check the cell logs until a couple moths later one of our bills escalated so high I had to see what was happening. I noticed this same number consistently showing up and it was due to this particular number we went over our minutes. This number was outgoing and incoming every day, numerous times a day, all times of the day. As I continued to check prior bills, again, this same number showed up over and over for 3 months.
Curiosity got the best of me by now so I called it, blocking my number of course; a female answered, I hung up. I decided to call my fiance and tell him the cell bill was very high and when I looked at it I noticed the same number over and over and I when I called it a female answered and asked him who it was. He told me, said her name and while the name was coming out of his mouth, I had this horrible feeling that hit my head, stomach and heart, the kind of feeling that sucks the wind right out of you as I am sure some of you know.
Immediately proceeding her name, he said she was dying of a terminal cancer and had 6 mo. to 1 year to live. Remembering everything I went with 8 years prior with this woman, I said I don't care if she is dying and I hung up. That sounds horrible, I know but she is a known liar, this is common knowledge to those who know her. (She was lying!)
I couldn't work, I couldn't focus, I went home. I logged back on to the cell log and looked at each date and time of their calls, there were so many. This started 2 weeks after my surgery so while I was in nasty pain and trying to recover from that, he was chatting it up with this broad all day long. Even on my birthday, while we were at dinner, she called, I didn't know it at the time. NICE! So moving forward, when he got home from work that day, he acted like nothing was wrong, even though I had a knife sticking out of my heart. Things went from bad to worse, turned it all around on me saying they "ARE JUST FRIENDS" AND SHE WAS DYING AND HE WAS MAKING A MENDS. Really? This went on and on for hours and so many things were said. He swore he wouldn't talk to her anymore etc etc. and told her that the next day.
I looked every day at the cell log for months and we never mentioned her again. He never called and our relationship went on, actually stronger than ever. I didn't look at the cell log anymore.
This past fall I happen to check, just because. I noticed that there was numerous incoming and outgoing calls to an out of state cell that happen to be our friends sister who just moved into town. NO BIG DEAL. I didn't care. This is definitely something I had no worries about, or so I thought.
Every week I would take a peek and still the same number, more frequently now. I did NOT say anything, I wanted to watch for awhile. The calls and text happened only when I wasn't around.
Around Christmas, it stopped. Ok, see, no worries- it's just me being silly. It's really hard to forget once this happens to you.
Well in January the calls started back up, even more frequent now. I still didn't say anything. Well just last week I had a few drinks and as much as I didn't want to say anything, it came out! I screamed, yelled and had a complete meltdown. He pretty much said I am crazy and there is nothing to worry about, "THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS" Why is it that if they are just friends, it has to be kept a secret? I really don't mind if he corresponds with females but SECRETLY?
He denies everything and has turned this around on me. When I ask what they can possibly talk about that much, he says she has family issues. She is not married, has an adult child and lives with her sister, how many family issues could she possibly have?! I don't buy it for a minute.
I work full time and go to college and it happens that all calls happen when I am at work or as SOON as I leave for school.
I am heartbroken! I just felt like there was something emotional going on. I am 15 years his junior, I am still in my 30's. I have a hard time saying this because my self esteem is GONE, but I am attractive, much more so than EITHER of these women who he felt a need to be such a good friend to.
BTW, the other woman, she doesn't have cancer so he lied to me.
Even though I don't see any calls on the cell log, I feel maybe he would buy a prepaid cell, that way I will never know. I don't know what is wrong with me. I do everything for this man. I am attentive, am his buddy, his partner, we have a good sex life. I am so broken.
He tells me that he just wants to get past this and refuses to talk about it anymore, but I am having a hard time with it.
Does anyone have any advice? Am I just being paranoid?
Thank you for listening.
One year ago I was recovering from a major surgery and during this time my fiance started talking to a woman he had an affair with years prior with his ex wife. This woman was the cause of some arguments he and I had early on in our relationship, we have been together for 8 years. I obviously did not know about these conversations because he kept them SECRET.
I had absolutely NO trust issues, I am not a jealous person so I had no reason to check the cell logs until a couple moths later one of our bills escalated so high I had to see what was happening. I noticed this same number consistently showing up and it was due to this particular number we went over our minutes. This number was outgoing and incoming every day, numerous times a day, all times of the day. As I continued to check prior bills, again, this same number showed up over and over for 3 months.
Curiosity got the best of me by now so I called it, blocking my number of course; a female answered, I hung up. I decided to call my fiance and tell him the cell bill was very high and when I looked at it I noticed the same number over and over and I when I called it a female answered and asked him who it was. He told me, said her name and while the name was coming out of his mouth, I had this horrible feeling that hit my head, stomach and heart, the kind of feeling that sucks the wind right out of you as I am sure some of you know.
Immediately proceeding her name, he said she was dying of a terminal cancer and had 6 mo. to 1 year to live. Remembering everything I went with 8 years prior with this woman, I said I don't care if she is dying and I hung up. That sounds horrible, I know but she is a known liar, this is common knowledge to those who know her. (She was lying!)
I couldn't work, I couldn't focus, I went home. I logged back on to the cell log and looked at each date and time of their calls, there were so many. This started 2 weeks after my surgery so while I was in nasty pain and trying to recover from that, he was chatting it up with this broad all day long. Even on my birthday, while we were at dinner, she called, I didn't know it at the time. NICE! So moving forward, when he got home from work that day, he acted like nothing was wrong, even though I had a knife sticking out of my heart. Things went from bad to worse, turned it all around on me saying they "ARE JUST FRIENDS" AND SHE WAS DYING AND HE WAS MAKING A MENDS. Really? This went on and on for hours and so many things were said. He swore he wouldn't talk to her anymore etc etc. and told her that the next day.
I looked every day at the cell log for months and we never mentioned her again. He never called and our relationship went on, actually stronger than ever. I didn't look at the cell log anymore.
This past fall I happen to check, just because. I noticed that there was numerous incoming and outgoing calls to an out of state cell that happen to be our friends sister who just moved into town. NO BIG DEAL. I didn't care. This is definitely something I had no worries about, or so I thought.
Every week I would take a peek and still the same number, more frequently now. I did NOT say anything, I wanted to watch for awhile. The calls and text happened only when I wasn't around.
Around Christmas, it stopped. Ok, see, no worries- it's just me being silly. It's really hard to forget once this happens to you.
Well in January the calls started back up, even more frequent now. I still didn't say anything. Well just last week I had a few drinks and as much as I didn't want to say anything, it came out! I screamed, yelled and had a complete meltdown. He pretty much said I am crazy and there is nothing to worry about, "THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS" Why is it that if they are just friends, it has to be kept a secret? I really don't mind if he corresponds with females but SECRETLY?
He denies everything and has turned this around on me. When I ask what they can possibly talk about that much, he says she has family issues. She is not married, has an adult child and lives with her sister, how many family issues could she possibly have?! I don't buy it for a minute.
I work full time and go to college and it happens that all calls happen when I am at work or as SOON as I leave for school.
I am heartbroken! I just felt like there was something emotional going on. I am 15 years his junior, I am still in my 30's. I have a hard time saying this because my self esteem is GONE, but I am attractive, much more so than EITHER of these women who he felt a need to be such a good friend to.
BTW, the other woman, she doesn't have cancer so he lied to me.
Even though I don't see any calls on the cell log, I feel maybe he would buy a prepaid cell, that way I will never know. I don't know what is wrong with me. I do everything for this man. I am attentive, am his buddy, his partner, we have a good sex life. I am so broken.
He tells me that he just wants to get past this and refuses to talk about it anymore, but I am having a hard time with it.
Does anyone have any advice? Am I just being paranoid?
Thank you for listening.