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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-08-2011, 08:58 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

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Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
My theory - your gut is just your subconscious putting things together that you haven't consciously connected yet. Its some part of you picking up patterns that you either don't want to recognize, or just don't fully understand yet.
To a degree, I agree with the above statement. I also believe I might have a "magic radar"... Rotflmao.

To answer the question, No. I was never wrong about my "gut feelings". Even when given evidence that I was "crazy" and "paranoid" I could never let go of that gut feeling... When I tried to convince myself maybe I was just off in my suspicions... I couldn't.
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Old 04-08-2011, 10:31 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

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To answer the question, No. I was never wrong about my "gut feelings". Even when given evidence that I was "crazy" and "paranoid" I could never let go of that gut feeling... When I tried to convince myself maybe I was just off in my suspicions... I couldn't.
I was not wrong either, and like you He gave me plenty of proof that I was "crazy" I had even looked into checking myself into a mental health hospital because I just could not let go of the idea and I could not find any proof to back up my feelings. After two months of causing myself to go crazy I gave up, soon after giving up my "quest" to prove he was cheating I got a e-mail from the girl he had been seeing detailing how he had got a pre-pay phone to call her and sure enough when I called it there he was on the other end of the line...
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Old 04-08-2011, 10:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

Nope. I am an excellent detector of what other people think and do. It's me I blindside. I don't know **** about me.
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:41 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

Nope,

God Bless the GUT! No vision to be blurred by, No sound to be talked out of, No smell to be distracted by.
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Old 04-09-2011, 04:13 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

I still don't know for sure and that is hard. My gut tells me one thing but my wife swears over and over that nothing ever happened and that she has never in her life cheated on me. But there are just too many things, too many weird things for me to ever be able to just blow it off and accept that as the truth. It would be so much easier to just know one way or the other but I will never really KNOW. That is what is hard when your gut keeps telling you something else. To suspect something and have a spouse with a history of lying about everything then deny over and over with such conviction.

Our counselor says that I have an almost hyper-aware personality and that I can read people like no one she has ever seen due to my childhood. She says I can detect an 1/100th degree emotional change in a person from across the room and know that's something is wrong. The problem is that when I tell my wife what is wrong or what is bothering her she denies it, which screws up my need for accurate feedback. This throws me into some kind of inner self doubting mode knowing that I am right but then questioning myself at the same time. Usually she will fess up that I was right. But there is no way she will ever admit to something she has done wrong. Everything inappropriate thing that I am aware of are things that I have discovered on my own but that she initially lied about every bit of it until I convinced her how utterly ridiculious her BS story was.
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Old 04-11-2011, 02:55 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

No, unfortunately my gut was right in both of my marriages.

My first marriage ended 20 years ago when I found out first wife had slept with a co-worker when she was supposed to be out with her girl friends. My gut feelings started the next morning upon waking! By 9:00 am I had a confession. Monday morning I was sitting in a attorneys office. I divorced her and didn't look back. She regretted it and wanted to stay and work on it but we were only married for 2 years and had no kids. It hurt me badly but I turned her down and moved on. She continued to call me, send flowers, cards, gifts and would even park down the block waiting for me to get home from work for a year and a half!!!

Sadly enough, my gut felling was right again in my current marriage as well. If you are interested here is the whole story. My reaction this time has been very different. We have 3 children and over 14 years invested. She insists it was only a EA and has verbally committed to our marriage. I have my doubts but am still committed to R until we succeed or decide I can't take it anymore.

Trying to hold it together with WW

I would never ignore my gut feeling. It my not tell you everything but it is a good indication that something is not right.

Last edited by Decimated; 04-13-2011 at 03:39 PM.
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Old 04-11-2011, 02:59 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

My gut has not been wrong. It's just my head and heart have had trouble keeping up.
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Old 04-11-2011, 06:17 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

I am not sure yet, if my gut is wrong or not. It has been almost a year since "the gut" feeling kicked it. I haven't found anything. I have tried everything and I do mean everything. So maybe my gut is wrong this time (it never has been in the past.)
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Old 04-11-2011, 09:48 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

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I still don't know for sure and that is hard. My gut tells me one thing but my wife swears over and over that nothing ever happened and that she has never in her life cheated on me. But there are just too many things, too many weird things for me to ever be able to just blow it off and accept that as the truth. It would be so much easier to just know one way or the other but I will never really KNOW. That is what is hard when your gut keeps telling you something else. To suspect something and have a spouse with a history of lying about everything then deny over and over with such conviction.

Our counselor says that I have an almost hyper-aware personality and that I can read people like no one she has ever seen due to my childhood. She says I can detect an 1/100th degree emotional change in a person from across the room and know that's something is wrong. The problem is that when I tell my wife what is wrong or what is bothering her she denies it, which screws up my need for accurate feedback. This throws me into some kind of inner self doubting mode knowing that I am right but then questioning myself at the same time. Usually she will fess up that I was right. But there is no way she will ever admit to something she has done wrong. Everything inappropriate thing that I am aware of are things that I have discovered on my own but that she initially lied about every bit of it until I convinced her how utterly ridiculious her BS story was.
I am the same way mike, very good at reading subtle body language shifts, nuances in tone of voice etc.I went through the same spiral where my heart wanted to believe her because I love her and the rest of me was screaming you know the truth you know the truth.

It has to be one of the most hurtful things for your spouse to know you can read them like a book about certain things that they know you know they are lieing and still refuse to tell you the truth. Unfortunatley for me there is no convincing her of how utter BS her story is. She is stubborn bull headed and hates conflict. All it would do is add to me being the bad guy so not the answer for me.
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Old 10-06-2011, 04:18 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

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I have a theory on that...

its has to do with 100% trust.

when we have 100% trust, the mistrust sticks out like a sore thumb. When there is a mixture of trust and mistrust, then we have no clue what is what.

The same thing goes with our "enemies" You can trust your enemies 100% - In the sense that you know that everything they will do is against you. This is trust, just reversed trust.

So lets look at that in black and white... If you have a white sheet of paper, a black dot shows up easily. If you have a black paper, a white dot shows up easily. But is the paper is white and black speckled dots.. It becomes harder to sort it all out.

Well, after an affair, things are no longer black or white.. they are both, and we have a hard time sorting out anything.

Thats my theory at least.
yea thats true but what if ur fiance is always accusing u and uve never done anything to make him think that ur being unfaithful??
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Old 10-06-2011, 05:11 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

In my gut i knew something wasnt right for weeks. He was distant and his personality had changed. But an A was furthest from my mind. So when i found out he had been having an EA with a co worker i felt like i had been hit by a truck.
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Old 10-06-2011, 06:06 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

My gut is 1-for-3.

Even though I knew our marriage was not doing very well, I NEVER thought my wife would actually fall in love, and express that, to another man. Ever. I was blindsided by an email exchange between them that I miraculously saw. Gut wrong.

When my WW went on vacation with her girlfriends 3 weeks after DDay my gut told me that despite her agreeing to NC, that she wasn't really ready for NC, and that she would sneak talking to him while gone. She was. Gut right.

Since that time my gut has occasionally pinged at things and feelings I've had, but every time I verified since that trip, my WW has been honest and not contacted the OM. Gut wrong.
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Old 10-06-2011, 06:18 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

Unfortunately for me, no. But I didn't understand my gut. I knew I was jealous of this other woman, but she lived in Chicago and I have friends of another gender, why can't he?! Unfortunately, once I found out something untoward was going on, every time I suspected something more, later I would find out it was true. I'm sure it is different for every person, but for me my "6th sense" has (sadly) been right every time.

I think you should really inspect your gut feeling and where it is coming from. Then (especially if you think you are missing a chunk of the picture) investigate. I hate that that that is the only way to know, because it will tear you up inside, but the shame of cheating combined with the possibility of losing you (if he wants to stay--he won't admit to it) will make the cover-up a good one if it continues.
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Old 10-06-2011, 06:20 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

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I am not sure yet, if my gut is wrong or not. It has been almost a year since "the gut" feeling kicked it. I haven't found anything. I have tried everything and I do mean everything. So maybe my gut is wrong this time (it never has been in the past.)
I hope it is! It is the worst when you stumble across it unexpectedly, which sounds like the only way anything will come out. Have you done the keyloggers/GPS/phone and credit card bills? I've found that if it is serious, money will be missing, if you have access.
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Old 10-06-2011, 12:44 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?

I never ever thought my x would cheat on me. After a few instances my gut told me to just check, I haphazaredly looked at her cell phone not expecting anything only to find the "You are my Sole (yes spelled wrong) mate" texts from the OM. Trust your gut!
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