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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-02-2011, 06:16 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

When I confronted W about her current affair, I called my good friend for support, well they too were f*ck buddies.

I even gave this guy a job, against my wife's wishes. Wierd, but she was sick of my friend by the time I was going to hire him.

You know I can get over the strange and the ONS, but when a "friend" takes advandage of the "oppertunity" to get layed and uses my screwed up marraige to get some, that is as low as any human can go.

Thinking about...some 13 plus months later, it amazes me how some one can be this low. For my wife thats is a totaly different deal (if you know my story), but for someone so close.......what ever happened to bros before hoes?

I mean...my wife sleeping around..shes weak, shes.....what ever, the point is my "friend" took advandage of our unhealthy marraige to score a hot tight blonde.

There is no way in hell he could have gotten it any other way.

I quess its like most, its the ones you least expect, short,hairy,grease, and poor. Not that I got anything against these kind of people with less misfortinate finace & physical charicteristics, but when they come on to my W and she is vunarable it pisses me off.

two,
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:35 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

My first wife made me feel stupid when i found out i was babysitting for her so that she could go screw.
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:37 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

A good rule of thumb is any man your wife introduces you to better be gay or a complete loser.
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:51 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

I'll take this thread in a new direction.

I felt stupid that of all people in the world, I fell for him. I knew better and even knew some of the ways that people could slip into an A, but even *I* fell. I felt stupid that I was so thoughtless to a wonderful person. I felt stupid that I acted so unlike the True Me. I felt stupid that I made such a GIGANTIC, irreparable mistake. I felt stupid that I missed him that first week, but I did and I purposely did not act on it. I felt stupid talking to anybody.

I feel stupid now looking back at GOD AWFUL stupid choices. I feel stupid even remembering how I behaved. I feel stupid talking to others when I am no better.

Overall the whole thing was stupid from beginning to end except for one thing. I no longer have that "high and mighty" self-righteous feeling that a LS can get, and I am able to recognize that the way a DS thinks is like a circus mirror but to a DS that view "looks" real and they still need someone to help them see the truth. That's about 99.99% why I try to help the DS's and not drive them away with a tongue-lashing.
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:59 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

Nothing makes me feel stupid. Lots of things disappoint me. I don't ask to have trash thrown on me. If someone, a wife, or anyone tries to get one over on me and does because I'm basically not as evil as they are then they're the ones who have to live with their own rotten souls.
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Old 04-02-2011, 07:10 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

In the same breath AC, I feel sometimes a few lashings vurble or other wise are in order;-) when it comes to bad dicision, choices, or behaviors.
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Old 04-02-2011, 07:14 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

RlD,
Sometimes the complete loser is the one we need to worry about the most.

Those are the one who have nothing but time to spend with ones spouse when we're off making a life.
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Old 04-02-2011, 07:40 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

Trusting someone so much, that they obviously didn't deserve in the first place.
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Old 04-03-2011, 11:47 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

Quote:
Sometimes the complete loser is the one we need to worry about the most.
You're telling me. In my case, the OM is a 44 year old(not a shot at anyone, but I am 24 and my SO is 25....) balding guy who lives with his mother, has no drivers license because of a DUI. Also, even though he is 20 years older, he currently holds(or he did before he got fired. Yeah, he's jobless too.) the same job as my 25 year old significant other.... So obviously, not such a bright future there...

I'm not sure that all of this makes me feel stupid, but it certainly does a number on my self esteem.

I think what makes me feel stupid is the fact that I knew something was going on, but couldn't do a damned thing about it. We weren't in a good place at the time, and I knew that if I called her on it and forced my hand, she would leave me..... again.

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Old 04-04-2011, 09:44 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

You're not lying about watching out for the 'loser' types, especially those who are at home while most of us work. Those guys have all of the time in the world to send texts, e-mails, pics, et al, to your S/O in order to get their minds wondering. In my case, the OM was a seasonal coach who was a SAHD. All he had to do was drop the kids off at school, hop on his cell, and it was off to the races to get her hot and bothered.

And yep, hindsight can be 20/20 sometimes. I feel stupid about agreeing for all of us to go to some cookout that his family was hosting, knowing that the two of them had a history. Never in a million years would she have allowed me to attend some function that an ex of mine was having but I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

The next time, I will not be so trusting and pay more attention to what my gut is trying to tell me...
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:57 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

Well if she's going to fall for a loser....."live long and prosper"
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:13 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

I felt stupid because I didn't realize something was going on, I thought everything was good in our relationship. There were NO signs!

I feel stupid because it was with our friends sister who just moved into town. Here I thought he was talking to our friend, just as friends, but to my surprise, it was a bit more with the sister!

I feel like I look like an idiot! Shame on my (former) friend, I thought she had more morals! I wonder who else knows since we have the same group of friends?

It really does NOTHING for self esteem!
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:04 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

made me feel stupid that she thought i was stupid and didnt know what was going on, then I realized that I was stupid for thinking I was stupid because I was dealing with stupid people in a fog induced stupor.
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:05 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

I caught mine "in the act" when a friend suggested I go into a back room, I pulled her out (he ran of course) and after 15 mins of talking/yelling I had to go onstage in front of a room full of people who knew what just happened. That was humiliating

I feel a marriage is about trust, without it you have nothing. I don't know that I have ever really trusted her since, it's probably a big reason we've ended up where we are a decade later.
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Old 04-06-2011, 04:48 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: What made you feel stupid?

It really is sad to hear everyone's stories. It seems like we have this really big letter V for victim on our forehead. I really try to live with my good conscience and treat others how I want to be treated but there are people in this world with little self control. Like my husband...

I've catalog our family photos by years and every time I go through them now I remember what my H done at the time. I am smiling ear to ear doing fun activities with my husband and my kids and now I know he was planning a date that night with this girl and that picture he was posting himself on singles web site... etc.
Over the years I found hidden porn, flirting with girls and rendezvous emails while I totally trusted him. When I found them we had our blow out fights and I took him back because he promised me he will change. It s been 16 yrs. now and we almost divorce 2 years ago but he confess everything and asked for forgiveness. He confessed he slept with prostitutes/ erotic massage. He also dated girls... This time it seems really sincere. So I am still here in this marriage. I feel sad and very stupid that I stayed so long.. He gave me all his passwords for all his emails and lets me monitor his laptop but he fly for a living and out of country often. I think he is sincere about wanting his family but I don't believe he will overcome every temptation. I thought I forgave him but all this resentment and paranoia lingers. I don't feel I can truly be happy like this. I feel like I am going insane for trying. This bitterness inside me is evidence that I truly did not forgave or trust him. Right?
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