Re: Does Taking Back an Unfaithful Spouse Make You Weak?
I posted this on the inspiration thread...
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Granted, just because you forgive someone for infidelity, doesn't mean you can still share a life with them. I believe that it is up to each individual to decide.
For myself, I feel I'm much stronger for staying. There have been many days when I think about what it would be like to start over. Then I wouldn't have to be reminded daily that I married a man who could hurt me in such a painful way. If I was with someone new, I could once again enjoy the illusion that I was with a man who would never betray me.
However, we have two children and over 15 years of a shared life together. Supposedly statistics show that children do better long term when their parents stay together, even in "soft" conflict marriages.
Our children are blessedly oblivous to their father's infidelity and it's because of them he never got kicked out of the house. Kicking him out would only have satisfied my need for action and to make him hurt like I was hurting. In the end it would have only hurt our children. I was strong enough to spare them that anxiety. But living with him those first few weeks was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. To smile at dinner, pretending everything was normal and sitting next to him made me want to scream. Then, once the kids were asleep, I'd sob my heart out while he answered all my questions.
Thankfully my DS seems to be doing everything he's supposed to and he's thankful every day that I'm trying. However, he's well aware that he has his children to thank for this second chance. If it wasn't for them, I don't know I would have had the strength to try. At 3 months since D-day, I actually have days where I'm thankful for giving him a second chance too.
However I do understand where 13 is coming from, when I have my bad days it's usually based on the principle of the matter. However, I'm too much of a realist to stand on a soapbox and say I'd never cheat. Because, up until my husband cheated, he used to be one of those people who truly believed he'd never cheat.
Given the right time, the right circumstance, and the right person.... I believe everyone is capable of cheating. I think acknowledging you're capable, is the first step in preparing yourself. So someday, when the most tempting opportunity presents itself, you have already decided to make the right choice.