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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Privacy. I know it, you know it, but them???

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-09-2011, 08:45 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Privacy. I know it, you know it, but them???

I see this in my wife sometimes, She seee my forgiveness as if I'll do anything to stay so when BS start to come out of her mouth I reidirate my stance in that it is her choice to stay or leave and give up. My boundries and especially my boundries with transperentcy are non neigogable. This is the new me and I can no longer trust. My wife has made the choice to stay with a untrusting husband knowing that she was the cause.

So sometime you have to rinse and repeap. What ever comes out of Mrs Shooboomufoo's mouth is not the point so repeat our point again and again.

I think she believes you don't want to loose her there by giving her control. If you dare and I know you don't want to loose her, you may want to change her belief by asking her to leave. I mean how much can you live with when you have no validation of her commitment to you other then her word and as history has shown her word does not mean much.

Getting the perseption that you no long want to be with someone who is so sercretive and has in the past betrayed you, and that forgivness is hard to swallow. Getting her to believe that you do not need this kind of grief and are willing to let go of her is risky and dangerous b/c there is a strong possiblity that she will leave.

You are managing a fine line between pushing her or keeping her. For me I took the biggest gamble in my life and forced the issue, having excepted the fact that she will leave I felt I had nothing to loose so made my demands and low and behold she submitted and it paid off.

Only you can come to the conclusion on how much you can push her before she does the worst and leave. For some folks its a good thing to push that tells alot by the DS commitment on the marraige. Its a good thing to push them out, if they really want to stay the will do the heavy lifting, it can back fire but atleast you know were they stand.

Most of the time the DS leaves but in rare cases the DS stays and the shift in power moves infavor of the LS.

If you except a half @ss commitment from your wife then don't push her and except the fact that you will except her secrets as long as she doesn't leave you and in the near future her behavior will continue, and you will soon get fed up and then make a stand knowing that the stand will cause your cheating spouse to leave and you will be better off for it, b/c it takes two for it to work.

My point is she has not felt any consequences, why should she, in her mind she has done nothing wrong and you have tolorated her behavior in fear of losing her.

Now if you get her thinking that she will lose you and if the only thing keeping you around is if she owns her bad behavior and is transperent then again the power has shifted. Be warned standing up to her can cause her to leave put with her attidude I see her cheating again and you will want her to leave some where down the road any way.

To sum it up she has you by the balls knowing you want her more then any thing, and that is bad.
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