everytime, pretty much, she broke up with him of her own accord,save the last time.
she did it...on her own.
i didnt threaten her. i didnt encourage her.
the only thing i said to her those times was, if hes in your life, im not.
it was only the last time when she did something to distance her self from him.
but as ive learned, its like any other addiction. you need a bigger high each time because youve grown acustomed to the it.
each time she did just enough to prove to us that it was over. listed a long list of what was wrong with him and his family. things he had said. ,
the last time she said she had though that they could be friends.
even her therapist has told her to go cold turkey...
the only thing weve been willing to do is help her heal.
oddly enough she has several cousins whove gone through AA, and they all say the same thing....she has to hit rock bottom.
they can tell shes trying to get out of it and break the cycle....theyve been there before, just with alcohol...
as of the last two weeks ive been trying to intoduce those consequences, our son has, in his own way as well.
she took a leave of absence sept-nov, for what we thought was to get a way and heal as well...we were all lied to...
at the same time she bonded with our son pretty good...
however the past month thats all been erased...hes a smart little 4 yr old and me and him have become so much closer...its like hes chosen me...and she knows it, and thats breaking her heart...
shes tried to stay the night to hang out with him and me, to no avail. shes tried to have me come over and fix stuff, to no avail.
im just not there any more. and my son is withdrowing from her to.
part of me hopes they both get transfered...heck, i kinda wish shed lose her job.
The thing is one day this is allgoing to sink in and you will look at her like" Who the hell are you and what do you want?"
Whether or not she comes back inthe future, stopping with the OM doesn't mean anything. At this pace she will be seeing other guys before you see other women.
You can kill two birds with one stone. Go out onsome dates. Actually, by you sitting home al lthe time ,you are making yourself unattractive to your wife. You are not in the race. She doesn't have to do anything to keep you in line, keep you attracted to her.
You are really holding back reconiling or moveing on by sitting aronud waiting. You say you are moving on and what you have done is great, except fopr this one fatal flaw. You need to go out on some dates and then let her know you have with out being obvious of course.
Right now she thinks you can't live without her no matter how she acts/talks.
The best defenses a good offense. Time for you to quit sitting on the bench, get up to bat and start swinging the bat.
At the rate you are going now, I don't believe she will ever come back unless you do something. Jealousy is a prime motivator among people, especially women. Hell, there ready to go after each others throat over a pair of shoes.
Yeah. I'm gonna hit that jamba juice up this week. Hopefully the girl will be working there.
And I know what your saying. I remember in that link for the letting go thread where they had this great debate whether one should date or not. And an argument can. E made for or against. Morality. Legally, what have you.
And it's tough when you don't feel like your quite there yet. I'd say I'm 85% But still hesitant. And quite frankly a little afraid. I mean it's. BEen 17 yrs since I date someone other than my wife. And that was in high school. I sucked at it then. Thought I'd. Ever have to deal with it again. And yet here I am.
The only caveat with dating is to keep it light and easy. The purpose is to have fun and not get into a rebound relationship. If the women you date know this, they'll be more apt to respect you for they will know that you have no hidden agenda with them.
I would (1) contact HR again and ask them why they didn't separate them and hint that you may, as her husband, consider legal action for the company's inaction to stop the sexual harassment (they hate that!), and (2) let her know your timeline is up and you are preparing to move on; that you've started noticing other women, so you know it's time to throw in the towel and get the legal papers in order. Then DO move on and see if she runs to catch up. Either way, you've got closure.
I would (1) contact HR again and ask them why they didn't separate them and hint that you may, as her husband, consider legal action for the company's inaction to stop the sexual harassment (they hate that!), and (2) let her know your timeline is up and you are preparing to move on; that you've started noticing other women, so you know it's time to throw in the towel and get the legal papers in order. Then DO move on and see if she runs to catch up. Either way, you've got closure.
Agree and I suggest you start acting as if you are divorced , she is not your friend nor does she have access to your house. Go as far as you have , she will have to choose quickly. Posted via Mobile Device
The one thing about contacting hr again is this. I don't know if she hasn't contacted hr on his behalf or at bare minimum asked him. OT to be transferred or tod them that she doesn't wanted to b the one who gets him transfered or fired. As well they know we're seperated, how can I act on her behalf to get that done.
I don't want to go in bluffing.
I'm assuming that theyre just waiting for one more complaint from her specifically. Since they know about the changed number they mayve given him a warning to leave her alone. The one thing I told them is that he's bothering her at home ( landline phone calls) and the rep told me they can't do anything about anything offsite.
At this point I've. Been going with the other advice. I told her flat out, I'm not your friend. I'm your sons father. I'll do anything for him, but you've had your chance. It was set up to make it as easy as possible. (mind you by easy I mean my advancement on healing myself, she still would have to do the heavy lifting). I let her know that she had her chance. And have cut things down to bare minimum.
My therapist also suggested 2 things. Look my best everytime I see her. And expect her to react angrily but take nothing less than her total submission. If not, it's not true remorse. That will be the key
But really I'm. Not even looking for that now. If she comes back great. But it is time to get out there. Even if it's only casually. Posted via Mobile Device
File for divorce and have her served. Limit the contact and talk to only matters related to your son. You gain nothing by continuing with the status quo. It's time to cut your losses and move on with your life without her.
Well I was at her house visiting my son. She called on the way back from her therapy and after I got off the phone with her I checked her caller Id. Sure enough he has called her several times last week
I confronted her and she admitted to talking to him.
I basically told her she f'd her self. HR was on her side. She could've gotten rid of him with a word. But since he calls from his cell he has records and can dispell anything she says. He's made himself invincible. So she'll have to deal. She had the audacity to tell me that when she's done she'll have no prob working there with him. She told me that shes no longer in love with him. She knows it's going to end soon and that her last two sessions have been really good.
I laughed because if she knew it wasn't going to last then just end it now. I of course know that it's not that easy,brain chemicals and all. But still.
Suffice to say I called the mediator today and have an appt for mon the 13. To start furthing the process. Shell get what she wants and I'll continue moving on
Of course she wasn't happy when I told her. She said she's gonna get a lawyer and fight me on everything. Which is funny because everything's been decided for months Now. She asked me why we needed a mediator. That it's only there if your fighting. That we shouldn't need one. I reminded her that it's on step in the seperation process.
She ten went on to tell me that if I didn't kick her out she probably would have ended it sooner. And asked again why we needed a mediator. It seemed like she wanted to avoid.
I reminded her that he and I don't exsist in the same universe. She mentioned reconcilliation for the first time ever. I told her so long as they work together, so long as he's in her life in any capacity reconcilliation is IMPOSSILE!!! That I deserve to find somebody who wants to be with me. I'm tired of coming home to an empty house. I wanted reconcilliation and
Are it as easy as possible ( by giving her the resources). Did what I could to get him out of there.
Now she's out of chances. She has to transfer or get him transfered and beg for a second chance.
It's sad and this valentines is gonna suck. But hey. Not my fault Posted via Mobile Device
First of all, I'm so sorry you went through this elph, the heartache must've been unimaginable.
You can't of reconciled with her being in love with another man, it's simply impossible. Most men would've gave up a VERY long time ago and she made a very bad character judgement by engaging with this individual. Even had you reconciled the feelings would've been there for a long time. A constant lingering thought of what if, anytime you have a hiccup in the relationship her mind will automatically revert to him. When the affair reaches a level where the cheating spouse falls in love with their affair partner, it's safe to conclude that this marriage is well and over. Their relationship however will not last, it's almost guaranteed. Like Mori says give her the divorce and move on with your life.
Valentine's day is here and you know what? it's just another day in the end.
Let's see, she cancelled mediation. Her excuse. She wanted her own representation. Which to date she still doesn't have. And still hasnt completely filed.
Everything I hear from her is mostly a repeat of things she's been saying. How she's seeing more and more from him and her feelings are changing. Blah blah blah.
I've been slowly creating more and more space. I try not to go over to to her place too early to pick my son up or on "her days". She's tried to spend the night on several occasions. It I've said no. Lotsa little changes that may or may not be getting to her.
As well I've contacted a real estate agent to sell the house. I can't afford it on my own, and quite frankly am planning on moving back to our home town where she already lives to send our kid to school there.
As well I've started apt hunting. She's says she wants to help me pack and find a place and such. She's sent me links to places that, while in the parameters of what I'm looking for, 2 bd 1 bath apt. The ones shes sent are over my budget by a couple hundred. No prob if I had a "roomate" but by my self a little tight.
As sad as it is I'm also kinda excited to get my own place. A man place.
At the same time her lease is up soon. And I was told by my mom in law that she's burning through her savings.
As well he keeps pushing her to move in with him, near his mom ( who cooks. Leans and does laundry for him). But she hates where he lives. And doenst want to move in as well she knows what that'll mean for her and our son.
So take from that what you will. The grass on the other side is sprouting weeds, while over here we've got a nice shady tree and might even see some beautiful flowers soon. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: after d-day stuff.. 
