Elph, you are not in control of your life, you are being strung along.
Yes, your wife does not wish you ill. She simply does not give a flying f*ck about you, your feelings or your sanity. She is not a victim, she is not being forced into it, she is not manipulated. She choses him over you willingly. For her, you're a lawn chair, useful at times but OK to leave in the backyard under rain.
Yes you do just get back in the saddle. You get thrown and you get back again and again until you get it. Seventeen years meant nothing to your wife. She picked another man over your seventeen years. The only way she will come back is if the OM dumps her and she can't find another man. You have lost all her respect by sitting around waiting for her. What will happen if she breaks up with him is that she will leave you both in the dust.
There are as many ways to meet women as there are women. You have your son 5 nights a week. People with kids go out. They get babysitters. This is just an excuse. You and your wife never went out?
Finally, like so many others, make it where your wife no longer sees you. Drop off your son at parents house or some neutral spot where you do not come into contact with her. Say nothing about anything with her thats anything but divorce and your son. Tell your lawyer to go ahead with the divorce. You can always stop it. She can't stop a divorce by trying to ignore it.
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Finally, like so many others, make it where your wife no longer sees you. Drop off your son at parents house or some neutral spot where you do not come into contact with her. Say nothing about anything with her thats anything but divorce and your son. Tell your lawyer to go ahead with the divorce. You can always stop it. She can't stop a divorce by trying to ignore it."
only when she sees you actively moving on will she realise that time is up. At the moment she has two men chasing her and is enjoying it . I said once before you should go dark , assume you are divorced and work out a way to do the weekly handover of your son .
Your actions will say more than any words spoken . Posted via Mobile Device
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Finally, like so many others, make it where your wife no longer sees you. Drop off your son at parents house or some neutral spot where you do not come into contact with her. Say nothing about anything with her thats anything but divorce and your son. Tell your lawyer to go ahead with the divorce. You can always stop it. She can't stop a divorce by trying to ignore it."
only when she sees you actively moving on will she realise that time is up. At the moment she has two men chasing her and is enjoying it . I said once before you should go dark , assume you are divorced and work out a way to do the weekly handover of your son .
Your actions will say more than any words spoken . Posted via Mobile Device
He's allowing the cake eating because he's hoping to wait out the affair and willing to accept the OM's leftovers. In his case, just like HurtinginTN, hurthusb, marksaysay, etc, he's using his child as the reason not to move on. Like those other guys, he thinks he's making progress because he can flirt with other women a little bit. That's not progress, that's pretending to make progress.
Real progress would be proceeding with the D and actually showing his WS that he can move on without her, which would actually be kicking her off the fence that she's sitting on. Only if she actually sees that he's not the back up plan anymore will there ever be a chance of her moving out of the fog. As long as he's willing to sit there and wait out the affair, nothing will ever change. Geez, he even know how many times she breaks up with OM and he breaks up with her.
elph - if the old ignoring trick works so well - then why don't you go completely dark on her?
only talk about your son - but even then only via email or text. Take a while to respond and then only respond in the most direct simplest way.
You're wife is still with him - because she chooses to be. She chooses to be with him because she is getting away with it. You haven't filed for divorce, you continue to answer her phone calls etc.
You talk like this is something she'll grow out of. The trouble is, it has gone on so long that it has become her new normal life. You around for emotional support etc, and him around when she wants a man.
you need to break the cycle, you need to play the ignoring trick as you say.
I'm stunned at how utterly emasculated this generation has become. 40 years of radical feminism have created a population of beta-cucks. I see this story after story. This nation is in big trouble!
as well everybody acts like my wife is some viscous harpy intent on destroying all that comes in her path.thats not the case. im not saying she perfect, obviously. but shes not one of those who is looking to just up and runa way with teh OM and start a new life with the OM. if she was, she woulda done it already. and as i mentioned, shes broken up with him 5 times, all of her own accord. and with nobody else pressuring her. The OM thoght knows exactly how to push her buttons to bring her back into the fold. (the old ignoiring trick, which has always worked really well). shes usually a good person, a good person who had a complete lack of boundaries, a good person who has made some horrendous decisions. a good person whose insanely naive. good person who went down that slippery slope, and by the time she realized what was going on, her emotions were all involved.
Elph, we are not looking to attack you. But just remember the quote above. You will be looking back on it and realize how stupid it is.
As I said before, your wife is not one of these psycho bipolar wives that are hell bent on destroying their ex husbands. In actuality, that would have been better for you. You would have no problem moving on. It does not make it any better for you that she is nice and cares for you(On a very very superficial level). Her emotional maturity(or lack of it) does not make it any better for you. It is like you saying "She is not killing be intentionally, so I wouldn't mind her killing me by accident."
You need to stop considering her your friend. She is poisonous to you, your self esteem and your own improvement. I mean with people like her, you won't even need enemies.
as well everybody acts like my wife is some viscous harpy intent on destroying all that comes in her path.thats not the case. im not saying she perfect, obviously. but shes not one of those who is looking to just up and runa way with teh OM and start a new life with the OM. if she was, she woulda done it already. and as i mentioned, shes broken up with him 5 times, all of her own accord. and with nobody else pressuring her. The OM thoght knows exactly how to push her buttons to bring her back into the fold. (the old ignoiring trick, which has always worked really well). shes usually a good person, a good person who had a complete lack of boundaries, a good person who has made some horrendous decisions. a good person whose insanely naive. good person who went down that slippery slope, and by the time she realized what was going on, her emotions were all involved.
im not saying that what shes doing isnt wrong. and im not trying to defend her. her actions speak plenty. but i also take the whole view of who she is, at teh begining of the affair and for those first 6 months, she was the "alien who possesed my wife " kinda person. as my therapist said. right now shes a different person, totally self absorbed. but i aslo know the woman i married is in thre somewhere.
It would have been better for you to detach if she simply did run away into the arms of the OM. Instead, she's more sly and keeping you as the back up plan. She's a cake eater. To me, that's even worse because that's f*cking with your emotions and those of your child. It's a pity that you can't be alpha like the OM, which is why she keeps running back to him over and over and over again.
And with that, I shall bow out of this thread. It's been repeated over and over again. Some BSs simply can't get out of their own fog.
ironically enough everybody tells me to move on, that she'll notice...
i get that im not doing it as fast or as immediate as everybody would like, but i am.
my mother n law called me just a few ago to let me know some stuff (wife tells her mom things, mom tells me things, and she doenst know it) anyway. i listed my house yesterday. because i had to be there for some showings i didnt have time to pick up my son.(3 yesterday 3+ today) so my wife had to drop him off. they (her and my MIL ) got there a little before me, so that they could make my son dinner (again because of time)
from what she told me my wife was shocked to see how the house was made ready for sale. that things were taken off walls, and stuff was started to be packed up. she knew i was gonna do it, and that i am looking for a place, but it hit her right in the face.she also knows that ive been doing it all by myself (unlike the OM, who has his mommy do everything for him).she then saw dinner that i had prepared for myself (stupid fricken southbeach diet) as well as a menu plan for the rest of the week on the fridge with the south beach book near by.
my MIL basically said that my wife became very pissy, but scared at the same time. all those things hit her at once. as well as a few other things.
Ive told her i dont need her help for anything. i have said as much that i am moving on in my own way, and alot of it starts with getting my own place. shes now starting to see it. and she knows what it means. with out the house, its one less thing she can loard over me since its still in both our names...
also about the OM being alpha.
it maybe true he played that to his advantage in the beginning (him being a supervisor and all) but she learned that it was just an image he puts up at work. shes confided in her friend (whos also mine and the girlfriend of who i went out drinking with sat.)just how much of a "whiney little *****" he is. and this isnt the first time im hearing this. His ex (who ive become good friends with) has let me know that in their relationship he had his moments where he played the good husband/father, but she was to independant for him. when they fought, shed just walk away and leave him to pout like the little mommas boy he is.
i getthat same feeling form the texts i was able to get last year. he would often say "sorry for being so emo" or "thanks for letting me get that out" or my favorite "i needed to get that off my chest, im sorry if i got to teary eyed"
seriously. he said these things.
listen, i know i became a whiny clingy little ***** in the beginning. and in reality thats not who i am, i usually have my **** together. but as weve learned, affairs can do that, and it takes a while to heal from the damage.
im listening. i get what everybodys saying. it just moves at it s own pace.
a much as i try to interact with other women, they can smell needy or clingy from a mile away. they know when somebody their dealing with isnt confident with themselves. and we know how much condifence is attractive.
the fact is it isnt easy for me to just flip it on and off like a switch, like it may be for others. and ive said it before, i take my son into heavy consideration. im not hiding behind him. i just remember what it was like when my parents got divorced. it was mean and nasty. they fought over every little thing, to the point where they hated each other. and my mom was immensly selfish during that whole process. the divorce F'd me up. and i never want to see my son go through that or see his parents gt to that level.
Ive been tremendously snarky and cutting with my wife most of the time when i see her. to the point where we get into fights. ive had to learn to hold my tongue. but id rather let my wife go than see my son go through what i did.
i know how everybody says shes poison, even if she herself doenst consciously know what shes doing, even if all shes doing is following her "feelings". I get it. but certain things just dont happen over night.
as our schedule stands, our son sees both his parents almost everyday. theres really no couple of days here, couple of days there. its also because we cant afford that kind of child care. so shell be with him till i get of work and pick him up or whatever. and since she works at 4 in the morn. she cant have him over except on her days off.i keep out discussions brief and about our son. and have brought up moving forward with the separation. i want to go through mediation, and avoid the courts. everything is in place money and schedule wise, the paper work just needs to be done...
Yes you do just get back in the saddle. You get thrown and you get back again and again until you get it. Seventeen years meant nothing to your wife. She picked another man over your seventeen years. The only way she will come back is if the OM dumps her and she can't find another man. You have lost all her respect by sitting around waiting for her. What will happen if she breaks up with him is that she will leave you both in the dust.
There are as many ways to meet women as there are women. You have your son 5 nights a week. People with kids go out. They get babysitters. This is just an excuse. You and your wife never went out?
Finally, like so many others, make it where your wife no longer sees you. Drop off your son at parents house or some neutral spot where you do not come into contact with her. Say nothing about anything with her thats anything but divorce and your son. Tell your lawyer to go ahead with the divorce. You can always stop it. She can't stop a divorce by trying to ignore it.
I forgot (I think) to make a major point. When it comes up that your wife wants to go on a family outing, tell her this in a nice,even humourous way that she is no longer a part if this family. She is now part of the OM's family and can have lots of outings with them.
You HAVE to use psychology. All is fair in love and war and the OM is killing you in this battle. He just has more grit and determination to go after what he wants.
"Ive been tremendously snarky and cutting with my wife most of the time when i see her. to the point where we get into fights. ive had to learn to hold my tongue. but id rather let my wife go than see my son go through what i did. "
What she sees when you do this is what I see. A man being b!tchy. Never ever let her see you whine which is what snarky is. What kind of man even uses the word snarky. Have youever seen astrong man talk to a woman this way? Reread the 180.
Number thirteen :
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive................. Can you say why this is true?
"Ive been tremendously snarky and cutting with my wife most of the time when i see her. to the point where we get into fights. ive had to learn to hold my tongue. but id rather let my wife go than see my son go through what i did. "
What she sees when you do this is what I see. A man being b!tchy. Never ever let her see you whine which is what snarky is. What kind of man even uses the word snarky. Have youever seen astrong man talk to a woman this way? Reread the 180.
Number thirteen :
Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive................. Can you say why this is true?
You've been reading "How to Run Your wife Off"
My wife is the one who used the word snarky. And my therapist agrees I need to stfu. Posted via Mobile Device
Even though its not true you need to convince her you are moving on without her.. You need to make her miss you, not ***** her out. You can even show a little sadness about how great things used to be. Of course she has to accept you care to much for her to be able to be friends when this is all over. Get it?
As far as dating goes, there are websites out there that can help you. Hell there is even websites out there that teach you how to pick up married women. Check that out and see if OM used those techniques. A car salesman in New Orleans stole Knutwiilies wife that way.
DO not go after married women!
The point is to always show her your good side and that you can get along with out her because in the end you are strong,dependable, loveing and attractive and not a POSOm.
In other words you're cool and he's not, he's a cheater. And if he cheated once he will cheat again.
Even though its not true you need to convince her you are moving on without her.. You need to make her miss you, not ***** her out. You can even show a little sadness about how great things used to be. Of course she has to accept you care to much for her to be able to be friends when this is all over. Get it?
As far as dating goes, there are websites out there that can help you. Hell there is even websites out there that teach you how to pick up married women. Check that out and see if OM used those techniques. A car salesman in New Orleans stole Knutwiilies wife that way.
DO not go after married women!
The point is to always show her your good side and that you can get along with out her because in the end you are strong,dependable, loveing and attractive and not a POSOm.
In other words you're cool and he's not, he's a cheater. And if he cheated once he will cheat again.
its funny you mention stuff like this...
i dont know how i stumbled on it but ive seen alot of sites like that, PUA stuff, manosphere stuff...i think it started with athol, then to rossiey...and continued on.
actually i enjoy alot of stuff they write, esp. athol...that MMSL book is gold.
as for the OM. since he had been married for the past 8 or so years, i dont think that he used any special techniques. so far as i can tell, he just used stuff i used to use in high school.
pretend to be the friend, learn all you can, listen to the complaints, say exact opposite. find out whats missing and focus on that...hook em, then put it on cruise control and theyll do all the work ....
seriously. i did this stuff in high school.It just so happens that my wife is really easy prey.
shes nice, real nice..almost too nice for her own good. her manager has pointed this out, that shes just too casual around people,a nd some can misconstrue that as something else...shes not flirtatious. shes more awe shucks kinda girl who doesnt make do much makeup. shes got and incredible rack, but doenst wear much to accentuate it.
but that naiveness is often a flaw as well.
when we broke up some time ago,before we got married. she dated this guy. he was very similar to the OM. hed tell her what she wanted to hear. and at the beginning seem one way, romantic and involved with her. found out he was manipulating her. and in fact played her the whole time. he was cheating on her (of course the fact that he had 3 kids with 2 diff women shoulda been a red flag too). he then played the same ignoring games, and she kept going back for more...this guy was the typical bad boy...except he became both physical and emotionally abusive. and she kept going back to him despite the fact that she would be beaten. he was eventually arested and sent to jail and she was able to come out of it. shorly after we got back together and the rest is history. (and for the record, i saw a few girls during that time, but nothng too serious)
My wife has issues, alot stems from her kinda being abandoned by her dad, and her fear of that.
alot of how she acts now is eerily similar to how she acted back then.
anyway,
you are right though, i need to continue to shut up. something ive gotten better at, and keep it cool.
the thing is im excited to move out of this house and get my own place...i havent hid that fact. it kinda helps me move on in its own way. so it really wont take much convincing on my part...
which is what ive been trying to relay...
ive been a bit slow on the uptake...but things are a changin...
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Re: after d-day stuff.. 
