She may know this but emotionally it seems that it has been not been registering until lately with the changes you are making to move on with your life. It can be argued that if you had done this from the very beginning, you may have found yourself light years ahead of where you are at this very moment.
In order pass your criteria for re-entry into the marriage, it may take her a very long, long time of counseling and therapy. How long are you willing to wait for that to happen elph? By that time that happens, you may no longer have enough love left in your 'love bank' needed for the hard work or reconciliation. Something to think about.
i believe that if the no contact is put into place and wither she transfers or he transfers (or gets forced out, as he is on a short leash now with several district managers coming trough on the situation), if those first two things happen, then wed move onto a phase two, which while not really easier, adjusts where the pressure and the stress will come from.
i know im not explaining it right, but basically, say she goes NC, and there is no longer any workplace problems, and she begs to come back and work on the marriage, then we establish a plan for understanding the affairs and the whys (for the most part) thatll take 25% of the plan (As well as answering questions and such other stuff.
then comes the bulk of the work, the 75%. resestablishing the marriage. reconnecting. re-learning how to make a relationship work. re-learning how to communicate. learning how ro re-build attraction and how everyday life plays into the relationship. things that i wish they gave you a book on, but they dont, most people have to find out the hard way.
and yes part of this will also be her doing the heavy lifting in terms of showing (not saying) her dedication to me, the family and the marriage. obviously re-establishing boundries. and creating marriage V2.0
Ive dont a lot of learning and healing on my own, alot that will help with my side of the process. shell have to do the owrk then. of course counseling will be part of this, but so will building new experiences. If we gt to the part where shes actively involved in rebuilding the marriage and the NC stands, then my patience is exponential. something i learned once i had my son...you have to be a zen master dealing with kids sometimes.
i know a lot of people wont agree with this...but this of course is providing she hits all the predesignated requirements, all the things weve read about in books and on websites.
the rest is just building the relationship.
and while my "love bank" isnt infinite and has been dwindling, i look at my son and see that if we can make it work, itll be worth the effort.
i know ill have to rebuild my love for her too, where as shell have to redefine what love is, as opposed to infatuation, and how being "in love' isnt the be all to end all of a relationship.