I am not an expert on personality disorders but I believe my exH had strong narcissistic traits. These traits make it almost impossible to have a healthy relationships. He needs constant replenishment for his "narcissistic supply" of attention so that he feels good. In addition, he lacks empathy so that he does not care about how others feel. If he cared, he would not make the choices that hurt others. I can't say he totally lacks empathy as he can be a very sensitive caring person. It seems that he can turn his empathy off when it gets in the way of getting what he wants. It's a very emotionally hurtful ride. I can see myself, several years ago, in the same shoes as you. It's hard. You are so hopeful they will snap out of it and put you first again. I kept hoping and trying and hoping more. Just when it seemed there was a chance, the knife came out and stabbed me in the heart again and again. And they he would be loving and tell me how much he wanted to be together and make it work. In fact, he still tells me how we need to be together and he is working to get back so we can live the rest of our lives together. Their charisma is hard to overcome but now I see it was probably just timely words in order to get his "supply". It still smarts...that I was foolish enough to get used again and again. And it's still hard when he still reaches out to me. I hope I am wrong that you are in similar situations. It's a tough ride and although it has gotten better, I am still trying to figure how to get off of it permanently.
I've had 2 previous lawyers appointments that have been cancelled on me. I have rescheduled for again this afternoon. I do not know if today I will just discuss my options or if I will actually be filing for divorce. This breaks my heart. This is not what I want. I want my husband and my family. I want my marriage. But my husband is set on leaving, so I told him I would let him go. I need to focus on me and the kids now. Please say a prayer if you are a believer or send positive thoughts my way.
u r the "apple" of someones eye, namely Jesus. he didnt stop loving u when u marr'd, forgot him, or did whatever is secret to
both yer "eyes".
he'll never abandon u, but u have to go thru some things like
these, in life in order to learn/grow. u know this.
dont concern yer H too much re: his path. God knows n sees
clearly. Sin "tastes" good for a season, but eventually comes
a "pay day" for all concerned. Not that u should wish harm or
ill will for him/her but instead PRAY for YOU to forgive him & then
u'll have turned in over to God for him to judge accordingly.
Get closer to Jesus, the master physician, and Son of God.
then, things will clik, or fall into place for u (& others here 2)
I hope someday he regrets losing me. I hope someday he has to suffer with the same pain he has caused me. I hope someday he is lonely and miserable and filled full of regret, guilt and remorse. Sorry, I am venting. I am so hurt right now. I know he loves me. He still tells me that. Why cant he let go of "just of friend"! Why does he have to be her hero? He is my husband, not hers. Why is it that he's rather see our 15 years together thrown away and our family destroyed than to hurt "just a friend's" feelings?
It's amazing how much your words echo what I've been thinking the past few weeks. Hell I've even been with my wife for exactly 15 years.
I wish I could just turn off my love like a light switch like my wife seemed able to do. It must be so easy to be the one running around with another person, she gets all her needs fulfilled, meanwhile I'm stuck home alone with nothing but my honor and my wedding vows to keep me warm at night. The simple fact that someone who loved us could do this to us makes me lose hope for humanity. How can the world ever be right with people like our cheating spouses around?
It's amazing how much your words echo what I've been thinking the past few weeks. Hell I've even been with my wife for exactly 15 years.
I wish I could just turn off my love like a light switch like my wife seemed able to do. It must be so easy to be the one running around with another person, she gets all her needs fulfilled, meanwhile I'm stuck home alone with nothing but my honor and my wedding vows to keep me warm at night. The simple fact that someone who loved us could do this to us makes me lose hope for humanity. How can the world ever be right with people like our cheating spouses around?
I'm sorry lostdad. But hearing from faithful men such as yourself does give me hope that those do still exist. Please know that there are faithful women out there too. I never once cheated on my husband.
Just about half hour ago, I blew my top and went off my husband. On days that we have to be in the house together, it is very stressful on me. Normal days, I am up and off to work before he gets out of bed and then I am in bed before he gets home and we can usually avoid each other but Tuesdays, oh how I hate Tuesdays anymore, it is his day off and so I must be in the house with him. I still try to avoid him by being in a separate room but hate knowing he is in the house. Well, tonight, I was in our bedroom when he came in and started packing clothes. I asked him if he was finally moving out. (I do want him out) He said no. I asked if he then had found a place to maybe at least stay. He said no. So I asked why did he pack his clothes then (some clothes, not all) and he said he just wanted to see if they would fit in the dufflebag. I then lost it on him. I told him how angry I was at him for destroying our family. I told him how I hated his actions and how I hope that "she" was worth all of this. He didnt say anything until I mentioned "her" and then I was once again told she is, you guessed it, "just a friend". Well, after that I found a receipt for dinner for two at Applebee's from just last night. I'm so glad my husband can take "just a friend" out to eat. She is just so special.
What reasonable human being would be in a relationship with another person and see the pain they're in, yet still continue to carry on with a "friend" that they knew was the source of the others pain? This is Bull sh*t! Send him off! If he doesn't have somewhere to stay, perhaps he can sleep in his car, or on his "Friends" couch.
Get yourself out of this world of hurt, Ducky. You deserve better.
What reasonable human being would be in a relationship with another person and see the pain they're in, yet still continue to carry on with a "friend" that they knew was the source of the others pain? This is Bull sh*t! Send him off! If he doesn't have somewhere to stay, perhaps he can sleep in his car, or on his "Friends" couch.
Get yourself out of this world of hurt, Ducky. You deserve better.
Thanks Casting I am trying to get out. Unfortunately, I am stuck where I am and I have no legal grounds to remove him from the house. We only rent, we do not own. I spoke with a lawyer Monday about a court order to remove my H from the house but of course that takes money I do not have. And this morning, I just found out my landlord has decided to sell the house, and now I have to move by July. So, I guess trying to legally remove him would be pointless if we both have to leave now.
I guess you're right. Maybe the landlord selling is for the best in this situation. No reason your H can't find his own place.
That main thing is that YOU see that. The fear of what we're losing or what we've lost sometimes makes the right choices unclear. You understand what you need and that he's not it. Be strong and be true to yourself.
Stuck in the house with him too....I guess it's a common tale. For financial reasons i'm still stuck living in the house with my wife we try to stay out of each others way but seeing her dressing up nicer then she has in years and years just for him and seeing the nights she doesn't come home....it's just salt in the wound. I wish I could tell you i've found a magic way to cope with it but it's just damn hard.
Stuck in the house with him too....I guess it's a common tale. For financial reasons i'm still stuck living in the house with my wife we try to stay out of each others way but seeing her dressing up nicer then she has in years and years just for him and seeing the nights she doesn't come home....it's just salt in the wound. I wish I could tell you i've found a magic way to cope with it but it's just damn hard.
yes, lostdad. Exact same boat. I have to live with mine for financial reasons too. And I have to watch him when he gets home from work, take a shower, dress up and take off for the night. Some nights she has even picked him up right in our driveway. And all he tells me is that he will be out soon and deal with it. It's incredibly painful.
Re: It's the kind of pain 
Re: It's the kind of pain 
I am trying to get out. Unfortunately, I am stuck where I am and I have no legal grounds to remove him from the house. We only rent, we do not own. I spoke with a lawyer Monday about a court order to remove my H from the house but of course that takes money I do not have. And this morning, I just found out my landlord has decided to sell the house, and now I have to move by July. So, I guess trying to legally remove him would be pointless if we both have to leave now.
