(Something I just wrote. I think we can all relate)
It's the kind of pain that paralyzes you
It's the kind of pain that leaves you out of breath
It's the kind of pain that sucks all your insides out
It's the kind of pain that steals every last ounce of strength you ever had
It's the kind of pain that twistes the knife in further
It's the kind of pain that laughs at you when you are down
It's the kind of pain that feels no remorse for you
It's the kind of pain you wouldn't wish on your worse enemy but yet you'd give it to the one who hurt you in a heartbeat just so they could know how you feel
It's the kind of pain that stays with you
It's the kind of pain that you don't think you could ever heal from
It's the kind of pain that sucks away your soul and your very existance
It's the kind of pain that for which there seems there is no hope
It's that kind of pain
(April 9, 2011)
You are consumed by your suffering. A suffering that you allow in your life and have willing given control to.
Pain is just the messenger. It is the knock upon your door which brings the winds of change. Suffering, My dear Apple, is how you have selected to deal with that message.
When the message is delivered, and the envelope opened, it is up to us to deal with it in a manner that does not cause us suffering. Never succumb to pain, never drop to your knees and allow the message to control you.
You may wonder, Apple, how one can do this. I am here to tell you that it is a choice. No more, no less than a decision to simply let the message be information. It is a means to make changes. Embrace the Pain, Apple. It is here to set you free. Free from the bonds of deception, the chains of neglect and the prison of ignorance and naivety.
Yes, my dear Apple... This pain is a gift. It is the gift of time, a new promise of the future and a farewell to the lies of your past. Each moment that you allow this gift to crumble in your suffering and sorrow, it changes to regret.
That is no way to live.
Accept your gift of pain. Dismiss your suffering. Embrace the message before you. Change your life.
(Something I just wrote. I think we can all relate)
It's the kind of pain that paralyzes you
It's the kind of pain that leaves you out of breath
It's the kind of pain that sucks all your insides out
It's the kind of pain that steals every last ounce of strength you ever had
It's the kind of pain that twistes the knife in further
It's the kind of pain that laughs at you when you are down
It's the kind of pain that feels no remorse for you
It's the kind of pain you wouldn't wish on your worse enemy but yet you'd give it to the one who hurt you in a heartbeat just so they could know how you feel
It's the kind of pain that stays with you
It's the kind of pain that you don't think you could ever heal from
It's the kind of pain that sucks away your soul and your very existance
It's the kind of pain that for which there seems there is no hope
It's that kind of pain
(April 9, 2011)
This about sums it up. It's a year and a half later, and I'm just now coming out of the woods and back into the light. I have never had anything knock me flat like this, and I have not lived a charmed life.
Appleducklings, your words have described this pain to a T, and two time loser your words help us see what to do with that pain.
On the days I want to allow the pain to swallow me, I need to force myself to stop dwelling on the toxic thoughts. To keep moving forward improving myself and my marriage. Helps knowing it can be done.
Appleducklings, your words have described this pain to a T, and two time loser your words help us see what to do with that pain.
On the days I want to allow the pain to swallow me, I need to force myself to stop dwelling on the toxic thoughts. To keep moving forward improving myself and my marriage. Helps knowing it can be done.
I agree Saffron, I have to keep moving on to. Some days though I feel like I'm trying to walk through quick dry concrete mix. I tell myself I'm strong and that I can do this but then life hits me another blow. Like yesterday, I found out my husband may have possibily gotten someone pregnant. Crushing to say the least. (H has no idea I know)
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
for some reason these lyrics from Linkin park popped into my head when I reread this poem apple
A year after D-Day I was discussing "the hurt" that I felt from my wife and her affairs. She stopped me and commented that I had transformed the pain into a "Warm Fuzzy Blanket" that I wrapped myself up in.
I sat there silent, not explanation from her forthcoming, I probably looked like was like WTF. After a few minutes I realized what she was saying...
The pain was the only thing that made sense at all to me now. It was truthful, honest, and it was real. I could depend on the pain. It would not disappoint me like my wife did. It would never lie to me again. It had become my safety net to protect me from ever getting hurt again.
However safe it made me feel, it was preventing me from excepting my wife's pleas for forgiveness and really giving our marriage a chance. I was stuck mentally at D-Day. After exposure, my wife very quickly became totally repentant, forthcoming, and remorseful about her past. She had become a trapped woman and wanted out of the mess she created more than anything. She worked hard to build back what she destroyed all the while tortured by guilt.
I was stuck. I could never really except her wrapped up in "the blanket". The pain had served a purpose, for a while, not now.
Let it go Brother (us), Life is way to short.
I think my H feels guilt over what he did, except that he is so arrogant of a man, he cannot bring himself to say sorry. (He has said sorry but it was more like a line, not a true apology) I do not know exactly what is going on in his head. I am not a cheater, so I do not know what goes thru their heads. I know he is conflicted with some sort of power struggle going on inside of him. For one day (like last night for example. See my thread "Troubles, troubles, troubles") he will be so loving and attentative but then the next day he will pull away from me and give me the cold shoulder for a week.I do believe he feels guilty but something he holds inside if him refuses to allow him to be completely broken and repentent for his sins. It's almost as if he has to hold on to some excuse that justifies his cheating to him.
usually (almost always) we are very self-centered/selfish in our thinking/perspectives. a close 2nd (somewhat) is our marriage or important relationships.
we are consumed with SELF, and we are then consumed or deluded in this case, next with our mates/marriages.
i am not free when i fall under these thought processes.
i am free when i concentrate on Jesus Christ instead.
unless u r a believer u probably cant relate/understand.
other methods can work temporarily, but when the supernatural
power of Gods love/ways combines with my faith.....well......
the results are anything but temporary.
heres to those who know, and those who should.......
I don't do pity. I don't do emo. Every day is a battle for mental health as it is without taking my emotional pulse over some hoebag. Posted via Mobile Device
Apple, your words rang true. There are many ups and downs in this unfortunate journey. There are good days and bad days. I try to always look forward to a brighter day and try to forget the pains of yesterday. Keep your head up.
I find myself getting down and dwelling on things often. I'll ask myself "You want to get down? Is that how you want to feel today? Do you REALLY want it?" The answer is always no. I fight it off by reminding myself of what misery a bad day or night can be for me. It's my choice now. I realize that.
usually (almost always) we are very self-centered/selfish in our thinking/perspectives. a close 2nd (somewhat) is our marriage or important relationships.
we are consumed with SELF, and we are then consumed or deluded in this case, next with our mates/marriages.
i am not free when i fall under these thought processes.
i am free when i concentrate on Jesus Christ instead.
unless u r a believer u probably cant relate/understand.
other methods can work temporarily, but when the supernatural
power of Gods love/ways combines with my faith.....well......
the results are anything but temporary.
heres to those who know, and those who should.......
shalom aliechem.........
I am a believer. I have found much peace when in prayer.
It's the kind of pain 
Re: It's the kind of pain 
