turnera

Yep.

You caved AGAIN. She must REALLY think you're stupid now.

HurtinginTN

I can not divulge that information at this time. There was a reason that I will elaborate on at some point in the future. Please just leave that part at that for now.

HurtinginTN

lol. When you get up this way, you better let me know. I'd love to drink a beer or two and give you more of the details. Let's make it around the square, maybe at the vet? lol

Eli-Zor

As a start set time aside for one to one time with her , do not go to MC it is to early and if the really big if , she has stopped the affair she is going to go through some pretty serious withdrawal . Let your family and hers know she was still in the affair. As part of the requirements for recovery she must tell you everything, answer any question you ask, you in turn must be a bedrock of strength and not lose it even if what she says hurts you. She must feel secure telling you the truth, during the one to one let her know that as part of the validation of the truth you will be arranging a polygraph, keep to that line, do not give her any timeframes , be loving, be humble and do not tell her what you are doing othan trying to save your marriage and family.

A bit of writing for her, she writes a letter of apology to your family, hers and the OM's admitting her deceit and commitment to you and your marriage.

High boundaries, this is not punishment this is trust , trust has to be earned.
Posted via Mobile Device

HurtinginTN

No, she has not discussed it. I did find out the 2 hour supposed breakup never occurred. When I got the phone, I checked the records. There were several attempts that night and 1 minute calls (I am assuming leaving voice mail), but no conversations over 1 minute. It never stopped or slowed down at that time.

There haven't been other calls on the cell phone since she "gave" me the battery. However, it was a prepaid phone and the balance was too low to use it. Loverboy apparently is also a cheapskate. He put $15 in it and didn't refill it when it ran out.

That is probably the time frame they worked out the calling on the home phone. Give hubby the cell phone to put his mind at ease. Continue everything as normal with an untraceable method of communication.

As far as a long-range plan, I have no idea what she is thinking. I have repeatedly told her that he will never be around my children. There are too many red flags that say he is not suitable to be involved at any level with my kids. That will never happen.

They have had at least one fight. I heard a voice mail he left apologizing for "last night." "I was a jerk". I have no idea what happened, but at least she has already seen Romeo ain't perfect. I'll go back to tie the dates to my other notes and backup to see if I can figure that one out.

Again, I am pretty much done. She is going to have to really show me something if this is even going to have a remote possibility. She has shown so far she is working on it. We'll see how long that lasts.

Eli-Zor

Do yourself a favour and have your phone company bar all incoming and outgoing calls to and from his state, sadly I think they will be in contact again even if it is briefly and him calling her. Do your children know the affair is ongoing?
Posted via Mobile Device

HurtinginTN

Yes, our daughter came downstairs while we were discussing it. I told my wife to hold off until she went back upstairs to play. She didn't. My daughter wanted to know what Mommy kept asking for. I told her I had a tape of Mommy talking to her boyfriend tonight while we were at the carnival. I told her Mommy never stopped calling him as she had promised both of us.

Eli-Zor

It is always best to tell the truth, good for you, your children know they can trust you.
Posted via Mobile Device

HurtinginTN

She was answering questions Friday night. I was strong and didn't lose it. I asked a question yesterday and she asked me if I knew what day it was. I wasn't supposed to ask her questions about it on Mother's Day. That just showed how selfish I was by not giving her a break on Mother's Day. I pointed out that it had been less than 2 days since she was on the phone with lover boy and this was an opportunity that we had with the kids gone. They had gone to their grandparents for a couple of hours. She's mad that I asked and got aggravated when she didn't answer on Mother's Day. I told her I wasn't angry about whatever the answer was going to be. I was angry that she isn't being open about it. Hiding anything at all will definitely not build any trust.

She'll never do those letters. She is too stubborn.

Eli-Zor

You cannot live like this she does not appear even remotely remorseful , she has had time to harden herself and thinks she can carry on as if nothing is wrong. Try again tonight, tell her you want the whole truth, if she declines then carry on with the 180 and get ready to move on without her. She is either on the marriage bus or she gets off.

Be calm, when you are ready take the step , let her fall hard.
Posted via Mobile Device

HurtinginTN

How can I legally prevent the OM from ever being around my kids? I believe someone has said that can be put in the divorce documents. Is that true? I WILL NOT allow my children to be around that man. I would prefer to do it through the legal system. I guess I just have to talk to a divorce attorney about it?

Powerbane

Check mail when you get a chance Hurt.

And pay attention to Eli-zor!
Posted via Mobile Device

Eli-Zor

You can place a stipulation in separation and divorce documents that your children must not be around the OM , she can challenge it , you in turn can hold out for as long as you can. I suggest you identify the OM by name to your family, burn your wifes bridges.

Be patient , plan each step and methodically move forward.
Posted via Mobile Device

HurtinginTN

She just called me at work to tell me she wants a divorce. She is tired of being controlled by me and the children. She has no freedom. She cussed at me for a good 30 minutes or more.

I am done. I just need to figure out the best way to get it done.

Powerbane

And odds are she got off a call with him all fired up by him.
Posted via Mobile Device