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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-11-2011, 01:16 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

I have heard sometimes if you let the phone dry out it can work again though, I do like the snapping it in half since it's a flip phone.
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Old 04-11-2011, 01:25 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

I don't have access to the phone logs. I have been calling it periodically through the days to see if it is on. It goes straight to voice mail if it's off. It rings if it's on. I even put my cell phone in a zip lock bag and took it in the shower with me Saturday night. The kids were gone, I was in the shower, perfect time to call lover boy. I called it several times while I was in the shower and it stayed off.

I suspect she called him when I went to my parents' yesterday. However, she denies it and I don't have a way of knowing at this point. The blatant, in your face, "I'm going to go call him" crap has ended. Until she gives up the phone and passwords, I have to assume that she is still calling him.
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Old 04-11-2011, 01:33 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

I did it. I spent my generous gift on new clothes. I went to the mall, walked through Macy's looking for a cute sales girl but found none. I walked throught the mall (I know. I also think that is a dirty 4 letter word). Joseph A Banks had a 50% off sale. I went in and a sharp dressed gentleman asked me what I was looking for. He was dressed very nicely, so I trusted his suggestions. No, he wasn't gay. He was recently married. He is also a pastor and we had a sort of counselling session during trying on clothes.

He picked out 3 pair of pants and several shirts that all go well together. That should give me plenty of variety to mix and match. I hated spending that much money on clothes for myself. I don't like spending that much money on myself period. However, that was what the gift was given specifically for. I'm sure I could have made it go much further searching clearance racks, etc., but I needed someone that knows what they are doing to help me. Being color blind and fashion blind is not a good combination when picking out clothes.
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Old 04-11-2011, 01:36 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

IF you show her logs, and even video footage, it will have ZERO effect.. In her mind, she is doing this WITH your permission, because you have taken no action against it. All you have done is threaten her and taught her that your threats have no consequences.

You need for her to "proverbially" sew her lips shut and SHOW you the changes. Her word is worthless. You need action from her.

If you locate the phone and smash it with a hammer, you wont wonder if she is calling him. Just do a weekly search for it, hammer in hand. She will not accommodate you Hurt.. She LITERALLY cannot.

It is a proved scientific fact that Aggressive people do not accommodate to resolve conflict. Every college in America teaches this in the first year!! She will not.. under and circumstances.. accommodate your request. you must take the initiative here.
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Old 04-11-2011, 04:08 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

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I agree. I had my hands on it the night she called him last (that I know of). She wanted it back. It is a flip phone and I had a hand on both ends of it. I asked her how many pieces she wants it back in. I should have gone ahead and snapped it right then. Actually, the night she brought it home, I should not have let her in the house with it. I knew it was in her purse. I should have snatched the purse, found the phone, and smashed it. Yes, I have been systematically searching for it again. It will re-surface. Then it will be gone forever.
I think she has it on her at all times. In her bra or underwear maybe. Or try looking in the bathroom really well, or in the dirty clothes. Also my wife put her stuff in the spare slot of the computer. Like were the CD-ROM was a long time ago. Or in the side of her chair. What about in her purse, how often do you check it ? Just trying to help!!
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Old 04-11-2011, 04:11 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

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I think she has it on her at all times. In her bra or underwear maybe. Or try looking in the bathroom really well, or in the dirty clothes. Also my wife put her stuff in the spare slot of the computer. Like were the CD-ROM was a long time ago. Or in the side of her chair. What about in her purse, how often do you check it ? Just trying to help!!
I hide small gifts in my clothes that hang in the closet.
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Old 04-11-2011, 07:36 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

Panty drawer for the win. LOL
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Old 04-11-2011, 08:08 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

She keeps it close so were would she hide it when she sleeps?

She goes on walks right? mabye outside?

Process of elimination, write down her patterns and when you have a certain pattern consistant always, then follow it and dig.

She will make a mistake and in time it will land in your hands, that easy....it did for me.

I saw the charger light in her pillow case blinking inches from my face...I pulled on the charger cord from under her head, and bamb the shaking and nuasia that all us LS's have felt.
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:55 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

It's somewhere in the bedroom, I believe. It is upstairs, either our bedroom or our son's bedroom. The thing is, does it even matter? If she doesn't give it up willingly along with the passwords, what is the point? If I smash that one, she could easily just get another. It has to come from her. She has to give it up. We had that discussion last night. She needs to give up the phone, passwords, etc. She has to show transparency to build my trust back. Without her willing commitment to do that, the relationship will continue to spiral downhill. The good news is there isn't much hill left. This ride is about over, one way or the other. Either she turns around completely and obligates herself 100% to our marriage, or the big D is coming soon. Even if she turns around at this point, I don't know if either of us has enough gas to get back up that biiiiig hill.

I ironed one of my new shirts this morning. Funny how a new freshly pressed shirt can make a difference. I do feel uplifted. Wonder how much better it will feel when the new pants get back from the alterations? This shirt alone costs more than probably all or at least most of my other shirts in the closet combined. Original price anyway. I did get it all half off.
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Old 04-12-2011, 11:00 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

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I think she has it on her at all times. In her bra or underwear maybe.
Well, those would be good hiding places. I haven't been in either one of them for months. lol
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:14 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

LOL Hurt, I am sorry, but that above post made me smile.
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:41 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

Smashin a cell phone isn't going to stop it... she'll keep goin on with this man. And deep down you know it.

It's like me asking H to remove his OW from his phone, he wouldnt do it, and really would it matter if he did? She would just text him again and BAM hed have her number again. Although.. I am the account holder on our cell phones... i could just have his turned off...
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:49 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

If you are the account holder and have access to the online records, print the logs. You should have records of the texts, phone calls, etc. I don't have access to her online records. You may want to change the passwords if he knows them also.

Gathering information at this stage is a great idea. He will likely at some point try to convince you that they are "just friends", you're "overreacting", "paranoid", etc. The records apparently don't do much in court, but they will help you to not be snowed under as easily by a lying spouse.
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Old 04-12-2011, 12:55 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Synopsis & Update on ongoing? emotional affair

Why do you still allow your noncommitting wife in your house?
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Old 04-12-2011, 02:02 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Why do you still allow your noncommitting wife in your house?
It's half her house. Only divorce or legal separation will get her out.
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