Eli-Zor

Yes indeed I suspect they have been in contact again, be calm, don't agree or talk divorce follow your plan in the background, do not let her bait you, keep a VAR on you some wives make false claims to the police. Keep your emotions under control , you have let it slip before it is now critical to say little and behave impecably. Do block those incoming and outgoing calls.

Remember she is welcome to leave without the children, do not force her hand. There is logic behind all this, stay positive and focused. I cannot stress how important it is not to bite the bait , do not not argue, threaten or agree any form of seperation with her , no relationship talk, if she pushes talk about the weather or a movie , babble back.
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Pit-of-my-stomach

HAHHAHAHAHHA. Sorry... don't mean to laugh. That was very predictable.

HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHHHHHAAAH!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! LOL!!!

I'm not laughing at you, Im laughing at my memory of going through that multiple times.

YOU ARE HERE


Hey look at the bright side, if it happens that you end up doing something stupid outside of the legal system I think at this point you could use the "battered wife syndrome" defense...

lol, sorry man... Just lightening this up for you. I promise someday you will laugh at all this stuff too...

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Never say Never- The Fog
4 No0bs

Eli-Zor

Follow the 180 your very actions will be noticed. You must take the tension out of the air, the affair is falling apart, she is angry , good . Let it burn her out.
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Pit-of-my-stomach

Listen to that.

If she hasn't gotten another "fix" between her last tirade and when you see her (probably will), she will attack you again... What you will hear/she says should be documented.

It's inadmissable in court (unless on the tape you clearly tell her you are recording it) but it's something you want documentation of. Some of the things my W said in her withdrawl tirades were mind boggling and jaw dropping.

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Never say Never- The Fog
4 No0bs

turnera

Did you call her family and tell them she's still cheating?

Actually, in Texas you are allowed to record your own conversation with someone without telling them. There was a lawyer on tv the other morning talking about it.

Hurt, you are in control now. SHE wants a divorce. That means that, to GET it, she will have to agree with what YOU want, or end up duking it out in front of a judge. So tell her:

"Fine. You can have a divorce on THESE conditions: (1) YOU leave and the kids stay with me. You can have visitation, but they stay here and you move out. (2) My children will NEVER be allowed to meet your lover boy. It will be stipulated in the divorce proceedings that, if you ever bring him around them before they all turn 18, you will be violating a judge's orders and XYZ will happen (whatever works where you are). (3) You can take whatever you brought into the marriage; everything else stays here for the kids and me. (4) Since you will not be having primary custody, any child support etc. will reflect it as such; you'll probably end up paying ME child support. Good luck."

Am I missing anything, guys?

Pit-of-my-stomach

Yeah, most states you can legally record a 2-party conversation. As long as you are one of the parties. That makes it legal to do, but it's still inadmissable in court (divorce/custody cases). If you get on the tape that you informed them they are being recorded, it becomes legit evidence in a court of law.

Nope, not that I know of. U covered the important facts as usual.

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Never say Never- The Fog
4 No0bs

paramore

Hurt last sunday my H said we were over, that I deserved better, I didn't deserve to get hurt etc....a few nights later he was all "if we are ever going to work out" that was over a few days. Good luck bud.

Affaircare

#1--here is the site with the electronic surveillance laws in each state: Electronic Surveillance Laws For Tennessee specifically you can click HERE and select Tennessee code, the Title 39 Criminal Offenses, Chapter 13 Offenses Against Person, Part 6 Invasion of Privacy 39-13-601.

As a general rule you would not be allowed to intercept or record her calls with the OM or emails with the OM, but anything between you and her, I would just suggest saying that from now on you are tape recording or video recording every discussion so that no charges can be brought against you falsely and that if she continues to speak with you, you'll consider that as approval to record. The end. Either she talks (giving her permission to tape) or she stops talking and walks away so there's no way she can make a claim for a restraining order.

#2--I believe turnera got it on the nose. with what she wrote. She's completely free to go but she's not dragging children and destroying home and family while she destroys herself. Bye! Bye! Pack for her, open a separate bank account, direct deposit to the separate bank account, and she's on her own--good luck with that. Don't let the door hit you in the a$$ while you leave.

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Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

The 180 * Coping With Infidelity Newbies--Please read this!

HurtinginTN

Precisely what I thought and said. Of course, she vehemently denied it.

I know. Looking back at the pages of phone records on the affair phone, there has never been an end. The 2 hour supposed phone call to end it never happened. She attempted to call him several times that night over the course of a couple of hours, but apparently he was passed out and couldn't answer his phone (he is an active alcoholic apparently). Maybe the venom spewing worse than ever is a sign that this one might actually be true. Just saying it could be.

Yes, I had the VAR in my pocket.


Yes, I left work very shortly after the phone call. She said several things that concerned me, so I went straight home. I called my father-in-law and asked him if I could bring the kids over. I told him I had found she was still in contact and she had called me very angry. I wanted to get the kids out of the house. I also called my sister-in-law to see if she was in town. I wanted a witness to the discussion. She said she would come over as well.

When I got home, my father-in-law and mother-in-law were there. My FIL was playing outside with the kids and my MIL was talking to my wife. I went in and got the 5th degree from my MIL. Of course, everything was my fault. As we talked further, many details had somehow been left out when my wife was talking to her. She seemed quite flabbergasted at some of the things her daughter had done. I believe she had played it off as being "just friends" and, being her mother, she believed every word. MIL knows better now. My SIL came in and we talked a little. She asked if I would go out so the girls could talk. I did.

That was the first thing I said when my wife said she wanted a divorce. "When are you moving out?" I reiterated that my children will never be around that man and that will be part of any separation or divorce documents.

turnera

So how did this all end up?

HurtinginTN

Well, the in-laws left and we didn't talk much. I had to work on my side job, so I worked on that a bit. We did get into an argument when she was going to drive to Wendy's for supper. I told her she wasn't getting the keys because she had been drinking wine from the time the in-laws left. She said she had only had a glass, but I thought it was 2 or 3. Her "glass" is probably 2 or 3 of what you would get at a restaurant. The fairly large "glass" is filled to the brim.

Of course, this was being controlling and she flew off with quite some venom. I went to pick up supper and didn't talk after I got home. I worked on my second job until bedtime and we haven't talked since. I have several hours to go tonight on the second job, so I left a note this morning saying I won't be home tonight. I'll work on that from here at the office after I get through working job 1. Job 2 closes at midnight tonight, so I have to finish it tonight. Since it will be bedtime or later before I got home anyway, I will get a room here. Besides, with my commute, a hotel may be cheaper than the gas. I told her that will give us some time to think about things. I'm not planning on calling her today or tomorrow. She may or may not call me. It will be late when I get home tomorrow night as well.

We'll see from there. I meet with my counsellor today also.

Eli-Zor

You are still fighting why? The 180 strengthens you, you arguing with her strengthens her. Your failing badly with this, next time try this , she wants to buy food after drinking, say let's go I will drive, pick up the keys and drive. Change your tactic, you have to even if is for the sake of your children to get control of this situation.

Call tonight and talk to the kids, if she is there say good night and say "sleep tight" or something like that in a caring voice. Bite your tongue.
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turnera

Yeah, that could have been handled better.

But I thought you were going to have a talk with her? I thought you asked FIL to watch the kids so you could?

What happened?

Eli-Zor

Have you barred the phone? No one is picking on you, you should create a list of to do's and follow them through. Without scanning your thread do you have a copy of the 180 or do you require a copy to be posted.
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paramore

You know? I have thought about next time I see my H, ask him to see his affair phone, and smash it in front of him LOL!!!!! If he goes out and buys another, we can't afford it, he has a perfectly good cell on our plan to use. I would take great pleasure smashing it front of his face hehe.