I am obsessed with that darn phone. I bring it up daily. I tell her it would be so easy to just give it up and give me the passwords. That would be a great start to re-building trust. However, she insists that she "needs" something that is her own. Yes, I know, that is most likely an excuse.
For my sanity, I have to stop obsessing. I have to drop it. Fighting constantly over the darn phone is no good. How do I stop obsessing?
I suspect it will come to the surface in a few weeks. We will be getting another vehicle. I signed up for a motorcycle class at the end of the month. I am searching for a motorcycle with the intent to buy one in the next couple of weeks. She said she would like to go to the class also. We are both going to spend the weekend together at the class.
That has 2 possibilities. It could a new, exciting thing we can do together. Right now, we will just be buying one motorcycle, but my father-in-law has one we could use to go on bike rides together.
Of course, the other possibility is that she'll take off on it to Colorado.
Are you serious? You're really talking about "we"?? "Right now we will just be buying one." No sir, YOU WILL BE BUYING ONE, all the while your adulterous wife is using you.
What do you mean we? Do you not get what she's done? What she continues to do? The lack of respect that she has for you? The inevitable blow up and continued hostility that will be impossible to contain, before it spews out in front of the kids (if it hasn't already).
Stop using these excuses and OWN the direction you are heading. With all due respect, you're being wish-washy. In one paragraph, you're acknowledging the marriage being over and the probability that she will continue to lie to you, but now you're talking about giving her another avenue to visit her lover/man/whatever you wanna call him. Whyyyyyy? Don't take her with you for that. If you're interested in getting a M1 license, do it for yourself on your own. Don't reward the adulterous wife.
Where is the smiley that shows the head smashing against the wall? That is how I feel reading this, lol. No disrespect TN, I'm on your side, but if my brother or sister came to me with this, at some point I would wash my hands of them in regards to this problem, because it's emotionally draining to stand idly by as someone you love/care about is treated so badly...and they tolerate it and even ask for more and put themselves in the position of receiving more pain.
I truly believe that it boils down to you not wanting to let her go. You refuse to even separate from her. She's mean, rude, disrespectful and you two have so many issues to begin working on together but she has not even begun to be honest.
You made a point to say that she told some relatives that the affair was over. IMHO, without knowing her, it's common sense to say that. She doesn't wanna be the bad guy in the eyes of others. You're the awful husband that drove her to this (in her mind).
I feel like you're a good guy, and that is why it is so damn frustrating to read this. You're being used and abused, you're being treated like a doormat and you keep running back for more and asking for more punishment. It's almost as if you don't wanna bite the bullet.
You can separate, you probably have facilities in your local county that will assist you with separation papers. I don't believe you want to bite the bullet. Are you afraid that the relationship your wife might still have with this dude, will become physical? Maybe you're just afraid that if it does become physical, it will seal the deal that you seem to be in denial about. Maybe you're just too darn afraid to realize this. It would hurt too much.
Good luck TN, I really am pulling for you, but I agree with "Pit" that you just can't get out of your own way. You refuse to accept things and keep being angered at new evidence, but then you don't follow through with threats and ultimatums, and then you're on to find the next piece of evidence and the cycle repeats. Nothing changes. I cannot even fathom what your wife is thinking.
PA's and EA's are one thing, but when you have to deal with your spouse continuing the EA right in front of you, throwing it in your face, consistently lying, and putting you through so much pain...either she has emotional problems or she just doesn't love you and is using you.