mcgrasut

I realize that this forum is for married people but I figured I could get better advice here than anywhere else.

Im a 21 year old with 2 siblings, 19 and 9. I have reason to suspect my dad is cheating on my mom.

I live overseas with my 19 year old sister, but we go back home about twice a year. Last time we were there, my father decided to bring a "work friend" home for dinner with the family. He was very open about his friendship with her to both my mom and the rest of the family, and didnt try to hide her existence. I was originally suspicious of an affair, but then figured I was just being paranoid, since he wouldn't introduce his affair to the rest of the family. My mom got along very well with her at dinner, and theyve become somewhat friends over the past couple of months. My parents began inviting her to restaurants, barbeque's, school events, etc.

I haven't been home in a couple of months, but I still talk to my parents every couple of days. Recently, my mom and 9 year old brother went to visit family in another country, and my dad went to a business meeting. He came back a few days before they did, and every time I tried to call him, he was "busy". I talked to him the day my mom got back, and he seemed overly concerned with telling me what he did that day he was alone, who he was with (he says he went to a restaurant with a family friend), and I felt like he was going overboard with making sure I know where he was.
Now please don't judge me here, but I decided to check his email. I couldn't help myself, it was wrong, but its done. In his sent folder, I found three emails to the work friend he bought home. All three were pictures of her with both of my parents during the times they all met up. The problem is what he wrote in the email along with pictures. In all three emails he would say here are your beautiful pictures/ most beautiful girl in the world/ and my lover.

Obviously this has completely turned my world upside down. I dont know how far he's gone with her. I dont know if there was any sexual contact or if its just flirting at this point.

Ive decided to confront him in a couple of days when my mom goes on another trip to visit family. How should I go about this? I have no idea how he's gonna respond and I wanna be prepared for every possible reaction. Hes retiring and leaving the country soon, so I think he may already have plans to end it, but I still need to confront him. I can't let it slide

jnj express

You do not have to actually accuse him of having an A---just say his relationship is Inappropriate---be calm, and no matter what do not argue with him-----watch him very closely for reactions---you have been with him all of your life---you should have some idea as to whether he is lying

As to your mom---its a mixed bag--in that she is close to her golden years, and knows retirement is around the corner---she may know/have some idea what is going on, but won't do anything cuz she doesn't wanna have to be involved in the conseuences/aftermath of a confrontation---so she may just suck it up, cry when she is alone, live in misery, but she lets it go---there are many spouses, who are of the older generation, who do that---they ignore, and live in misery---they think its better than being alone, and on their own in the big world

If you absolutely must tell---then go quietly to your mother give her the evidence, and do not tell your dad what you are doing---she will then know, and she can decide to do what she will on her own---you will have done what you think best, and you will have a clear conscious

Good luck no matter what---and don't be surprised at whatever comes of this---there are just a whole lot of actions going on