michzz

Classic, he's obviously read from the cheater's playbook.

He just wants you to accept his bad behavior and move on. No pain, no pain.

So then don't give him anymore of it. toss him to the curb!

It is more important to him to not even admit he screwed up and deal with the fallout in his relationship with you, than to be honest and deal with it.

He doesn't sound like a prize to me.

Jellybeans

He just wants you to sweep it under the rug so he can pretend it never happened.

Sorry. It doesn't work that way. Esp. not when he said he had "feelings" for her.

Affaircare

Tobio~

I think I'm going to reply to everything over on your original thread, but I wanted you to know that a) I'm working on it and b) the ways that your husband feels are actually pretty normal and although you may not grasp what he's saying, I can see that he really is trying to communicate with you both what is causing the problem for him and what it was about the OW that caught his attention. Sadly I think part of what's happening is that he is so focused on "what's hurting him" that he's not thinking about the hurt he's caused you...and when I say "he's not thinking..." what I mean is that he is well aware of it but that his Shame-0-Meter goes through the roof so he doesn't LET himself think much about it. At the same time, you are so hurt and trying to deal with it and heal that you do not hear HIM and what he is trying to communicate with you.

So let me work on it and I'll reply in your other thread.

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oaksthorne

Yet he says if it happened the exact same way but the other way round, he wouldn't be bothered. Because in his opinion, although he says he loved the attention, that she had the hots for him big time, and said he had feelings for her, because he says he would never have "done anything about it" (he means made a move on her himself as opposed to her jumping on him), he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong. In his head, being unfaithful is about the intention and the physical act IYSWIM. I think he *just* sees that accepting her phone number "in case anything changed" between me and him, then using it later and not telling me, and looking her up on FB to see what she'd been writing in her status about him, is at least, inappropriate.

As I said, this is how my H's PA started. He was flattered; she was making all the moves, but he did not remove himself from the situation, that was unfaithful. He did not tell me about it, and probably never would have, that was unfaithful. He had no intention either of getting involved with her and said so to her. It just turned her on, and that flattered him all the more. He never told me about this woman and her interactions with him. That was unfaithful, if he had told me at that point he could have saved us so much pain, but he didn't, and that was unfaithful; both to me and to our relationship. I had a right to know; and he had an obligation to tell me. That is the foundation of being faithful; acting in a way that you know your spouse would want you to, and has every right to expect. It is the lies, and omissions that make it infidelity. I think he is full of it too about saying it wouldn't bother him if you acted the same as he has. If you can get him to go to a MC, I don't think his view would be entirely supported by a professional, and he might have to reexamine it.

sdesruiss

"IF" you were to stay together, I would think MC certainly would be appropriate. He needs to understand EA's. My W had one and they seem more powerful than a PA. My W also struggles with being "validated" from men, which seem that he needs this validation as well. It is a strong feeling and should be addressed before moving forward. I wish you all the best.