04-16-2011, 04:57 PM
Join Date: Mar 2011
| | Re: Help- he doesn't think he was unfaithful
Yet he says if it happened the exact same way but the other way round, he wouldn't be bothered. Because in his opinion, although he says he loved the attention, that she had the hots for him big time, and said he had feelings for her, because he says he would never have "done anything about it" (he means made a move on her himself as opposed to her jumping on him), he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong. In his head, being unfaithful is about the intention and the physical act IYSWIM. I think he *just* sees that accepting her phone number "in case anything changed" between me and him, then using it later and not telling me, and looking her up on FB to see what she'd been writing in her status about him, is at least, inappropriate.
As I said, this is how my H's PA started. He was flattered; she was making all the moves, but he did not remove himself from the situation, that was unfaithful. He did not tell me about it, and probably never would have, that was unfaithful. He had no intention either of getting involved with her and said so to her. It just turned her on, and that flattered him all the more. He never told me about this woman and her interactions with him. That was unfaithful, if he had told me at that point he could have saved us so much pain, but he didn't, and that was unfaithful; both to me and to our relationship. I had a right to know; and he had an obligation to tell me. That is the foundation of being faithful; acting in a way that you know your spouse would want you to, and has every right to expect. It is the lies, and omissions that make it infidelity. I think he is full of it too about saying it wouldn't bother him if you acted the same as he has. If you can get him to go to a MC, I don't think his view would be entirely supported by a professional, and he might have to reexamine it.