had a super bad day yesterday. The worst since D day. Started the day off crying and pleading, and finished it drunk and out of control. The cool thing is that I came out of it in a good place, a place of acceptance.
I have finally accepted that she doesn't love me. That she can never love me as a wife should a husband. I'm OK with that now. We talked on the phone several times today, and we were friendly every time. My new life started today.
I let the "What if's " slip in for about ten seconds today, and quickly pushed them away. I realize we can be friends, but will never be a couple. We will attend our children's weddings, births of grandchildren, etc, as friends. Strangely, I feel good about all of that.
My best friend advised me yesterday in the middle of my crap storm, that I had to think of it as the woman I loved has died and there's someone else left in her place. Oddly enough, that worked. I feel free now. It's crazy, I know, but I really do.
I'm sure I'll be back here. I know I will at some point. I'd like to thank each and every one of you who took time to comment on my posts and tried to make sense of the hell I was living through for me. This is a wonderful community of broken souls, and I'm glad we can all be here for each other.
Hey CA---good luck to you---your future will be fine---the sun will come out manana, and your new life will start, actually it will be a great adventure-
--no matter what in your D proceedings don't ever beg again---you have to be strong---she will find out the grass is not greener---it will turn a very dirty shad of brown for your wife---again good luck and stand tall
Thanks. She just got called in at work this morning. Seems there have been several complaints against OM by female workers. Sucks for her, but I wouldn't cause her pain for the worl. I wish us both the best.
First night alone was strange. Daughter was out of town, and the house was too quiet. The TV and dogs were some company. I realized today that I can now decorate like I want to. I can get rid of those ****ty plates her mother gave us that aren't microwaveable. Anybody know where I can get a painting of Jimi Hendrix on black velvet? This might just be cool!
I know I have to watch my drinking. I realize that the stresses I thought I was dealing with before were nothing compared to what I just came through. I can handle this. Time to live.
I am happy that you are finding some freedom within yourself. After going through all of this, I am sure it must lift alot of weght from your soul. Your free to start again. I feel like I am slowly getting there, but may have more to travel. Good Luck and keep your head up!
Hell, I know I still have far to go, but I really am feeling better. Part of me will always love her in some way, but that's cool. She's the mother of my children, and was a great friend for many years.
I still have my family, the farm, and some of the most wonderful friends anyone could ask for. Eventually I'll meet a woman to share it all with, but that time is a ways off. There's no rush.
The personal hell of a marriage ending, especially one that you want to work, is crippling. It damn near killed me. Recovery will be a long process, but I feel like I'm on the first step.
Your personal recovery should NEVER depend on anyone else behavior but your own.
Lastly, run very far away from any woman who says to you 'I need you' and only stay with a woman who says to you 'I want you'. 'Need' comes from fear, 'Want' comes from desire. Which one are you going to choose?
Update, and no longer casting about 
Re: Update, and no longer casting about 
