Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Hi All,

First time poster. Been lurking for quite some time. The people here are rational and very helpful. That being said, it's my turn to ask for some imput.

My husband and I have been together for ten years. We are in our mid 40's with grown children who do not live with us. There have been some ups and down over the years. The sad thing is that even when times are good he has exhibited some pretty bad behavior.

My latest concern is the amount of dating site spam he receives. If he has 500 spam in his mailbox, I would say half or more are from dating sites. Does that mean he is looking at them currently? I have known that in the past (during his bad behavior times, he has cruised Adult Friend Finder type of sites). Do you have to currently be going to sites to receive this kind of spam mail? I know I don't get that type of spam on my end. But...I also don't go to pervy sex dating sites either.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:43 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Based on my past experience, the answer is probably yes. You may want to have a look at some of the profiles on various dating sites.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

I can not speak for your hubby, but I know that I am an ecstatically married relationship coach and do not surf one single "dating site" and yet at this moment right now I have 133 emails in my inbox and 303 in my spam filter, and about 1 in 3 of those emails is some sort of "Singles" ad or another. I get Latino singles (and I am not hispanic), Russian brides (and I'm a female), Match.com, and people who supposedly "found my profile" and want to send me photos! My Dear Hubby can see my screen, and he knows that I do not go on even ONE dating site.

It is my experience that if you are "out there" on the internet at all--like if you have a website, blog, facebook and twitter--that your name is sold to some of these sleezy places and they will solicit. There are lots of lonely people out there, so the fact is they make money by sending out an email and someone falls for it.

That doesn't really answer your question, but I can say I do not visit any kind of porn, adult or dating and I have 130 or more emails from them in my box now...as I type to you.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

I thought about doing that but to be honest, there are so many sites and so many people on them, who has that kind of time? Also, you usually have to become a member to view profiles and that's not something I really want to do. Ugh....wtf? Seriosuly?
Just pisses me off to think of him doing this. When I found out years ago he was trolling these types of sites I hit the roof. I was devastated to say the least. I could not wrap my head around why he would be doing this. We have sex daily (and not just vanilla sex, either), I keep myself in great shape and am enthusiastic. Apparently, that's not enough for him. Nothing is ever enough for him....ever. I must be a moron for thinking he could ever change!
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Thanks Affaircare for the input. I will say I have a FB page and I am on the internet far more than he is and yet I don't get that type of email at all. But now that you say you get them and never go to those types of sites I don't know what to think!
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:57 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Interesting. I have two e-mail accounts. One of those accounts was mainly used as a way to snoop on the estranged husband's dating site profiles. That was a couple of years ago. And that account was used to enroll in several of the dating sites as part of that. That e-mail account gets loads of dating site spam. The other e-mail account used for my daily life gets hardly any of that spam.
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:02 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 827Aug View Post
Interesting. I have two e-mail accounts. One of those accounts was mainly used as a way to snoop on the estranged husband's dating site profiles. That was a couple of years ago. And that account was used to enroll in several of the dating sites as part of that. That e-mail account gets loads of dating site spam. The other e-mail account used for my daily life gets hardly any of that spam.
The email account is his daily account that he uses on the up and up. I know he had another account for his slim shady stuff but of course I don't have the password for that addy!
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

There is something going on. I would bet a testicle on it.

Look man, I am on the net a lot. I have about 110 Favorites, and I belong to all the major things.. Twitter, Facebook... I belong to review websites like Yelp and a bunch of boards as well. I even visit off the wall sites too like Fark.com and such.. I have NEVER gotten any of that stuff. Not once!!

But my wife did. From eHarmony and such... And guess what? She cheated.

Now she doesnt get any of that stuff.. not since we had total transparency. Funny how that works.

Dating emails dont just happen.

If you are cruising the net in an innocent manner, then you wont get those things. That is my experience.
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Old 04-15-2011, 12:10 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

I get all kinds of strange spam from f*#kbook, singles, viagra, penis enlargement.... which makes me laugh since I don't have a penis. Anyway, I'm all over the internet and have never trolled dating or hook up sites, but still get tons of this stuff.

However, since your husband had an issue with it in the past, I'd do some snooping. Good luck and hopefully it's just spam fail.
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Old 04-15-2011, 12:11 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Install a keylogger.. you can find answers that way. Otherwise its just spam mail that could have come from anywhere
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Old 04-15-2011, 02:47 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

I have to disagree with those convinced he has to be on dating sites to get the spam.

Sure, it could be. However, in my career I worked at an anti-spam email company for awhile.

One of the things I had to do was to set up what was called a honeypot. It was a server setup with email addresses. All we had to do was click on a link on even nonsexual websites. Practically anything selling something.

And we'd use the email address to send and receive email--not even to any odd addresses at all.

Within minutes, shoot, even seconds, the email would come pouring in. Spam of all stripe.

Dating sites, porn, politics, selling toasters, wanting political discussion. Everything!

Once your IP address is being squirted out onto the internet via email, someone is grabbing that information and using it.

It's enough to make you both be impressed with antivirus software vendors and want to light your laptop on fire and go offline.
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Old 04-15-2011, 05:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

Disagree.

I'm in the IT profession.

once you start with spam, that's it.
You will never get rid of it, all it does is increase.

Once your email address is "passed on" or compromised , it continuously gets passed on and on and on etc (ie sold on).

Only with an effective spam filter or any action by service providers will it reduce but even then its a constant never ending battle.

But to accuse someone of dating sites just because of spam is wide of the mark IMO.

My partner gets email offering viagra, penis enlargement etc, doesn't mean she has been looking into a sex change.

Of course, past actions may indicate something else, but that would then be a different story. (if their are other things amiss, then share them, if this is the only thing that doesn't feel right, I would ignore it)
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:31 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

I have never ever been on a dating site, and I get stuff in my spam and junk for dating sites, penis enlargement, shoot I get stuff for rogaine, and I am a girl. My mother gets a lot of stuff too, never cheated. My husband got upset at that spam before, when he was gone the last time, i had looked at his email...junk mail there was an email or two from a dating site, SEE HONEY!!!! TOLD YA SO. This is just me personally though.
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Old 04-15-2011, 06:51 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

well maybe you should just tell her to never sign up for anything. lol
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Old 04-15-2011, 08:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?

You mean it's not my wife signing me up for those penis enlargement e-mails? Excuse me, I've got an apology to make!

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