I have been with mu hubby 14 years - I am 30, he's 37 and we have a 13 year old child.
I have never really been content - it is a long story and my other posts explain everything.
Anyway, I always enjoyed attention from the opposite sex - whistles, winks, dances, etc but have never acted on them. If I was ever given a phone number I always threw it away.
Until NOW! I met a guy at work, he was nice and quiet and I just helped him hit targets, etc.. I honestly felt nothing for him - he is nothing at all like "my type" and his looks are actually quite funny!
Snyway, we at a works party and I had made him come - we talked and flirted all night, we really hit it off! Anyway eveyone at work was talking about us and we thought it was fun so played on it.
I took his number so we could let each other know any new rumers - problem is we enjoyed "harmless" flirting so much we did it by text. I have to hide my phone from my family in case I get one now.
We have been doing this for 6 weeks and they more & more daring - it's great fun! We met up for a drink - nothing more, we just enjoy each others company and have a laugh.
I did start having feelings for him and look forward to seeing him - this scared him off so he backed off. Then he said he was gutted that we could be friends so we decided to be just that - but no, were flirty again... now I can't wait to have a night out with him and I have started having sexy thoughts?
Nothing could happen between us because we are so different - he is into designer clothes, fast cars, travelling, girls, and is way too good for me but he makes me feel special as alot of girls at work do fancy him but he spends most of his time with me.
Problem I am having is that I am considering a seperation from my hubby - and no it is not BECAUSE of this guy - he is just making the decision easier (or harder?)
For about a year I have really been considering life on my own as I feel that I am missing out on true happiness and maybe even true love! but people say that my "emotional affair" is clouding my judgement so I am really confused! I cannot end this with the other guy as I was o upset last time I would find it earier to leave my hubby!
I didn't even know there was such thing as an emotional affait - I thougt sex had to be involved to have an affair?
Anyway I don't really know what advice I am looking for, but does anyone think a marriage can last just beacuse you love someone in the way you love your sister, mom, dad, etc? That's how I love him... I cant stand the though of hurting him but I have no "wifey" feelings for him - I haven't for a long time. The only time can enjoy sex os when I am drunk!!
I am not a tart - I have only ever been with my husband - my mom reckons this is the reason for me wanting to be single, but the thought of having a relationship with another man scares the hell out of me and I am no where near confident enough to sleep with anyone.
I am really confused, I'm seeing a counciller tomorrow but doubt that will help- please look at my other threads too and any advice would be helpfull - I have to make a decision soon as it is killing us both!
just got done reading your other posts. i do feel for you. it seems that your relationship has been tough from the beginning! he was an adult when you started dating while you were still a teenager. that alone would put a strain on things. anyway, i can see how you could develop feelings for another in this situation but, BUT.....i still think it is wrong to do this behind his back! you are still married! you need to decide if you are done with your marriage before you develop any other type of relationship. you owe that to him & yourself! how are you going to feel about this new guy when your husband finds out??? all of those feelings of excitement with go away & it will all seem icky! if you are no longer committed to your husband, tell him & move on accordingly. then you can start a new relationship & not feel guilty. if you are not sure you want to give up on your marriage, then try to talk to your husband about how bad the state of your marriage is. get some help! also, cut off ties with the other guy if you decide to work on your marriage! just quit being deceiving! it only hurts people in the long run, including yourself!
Thanks for the replies.. I cannot stop talking to this guy - he is the only person that can make me smile at the moment. We will not have an affair or relationship as he has already made it clear we are "just friends".
I want a trial seperation so that I can see if I do actually miss my husband - but he wont go, he sleeps on the sofa and insists on making me feel guilty for being honest about the state of our marriage.
I see what your saying about only being friends but that's where it starts. You can say you'll just "be friends" but you need to stop the relationship with the other guy altogether and assess your marriage.
Yeah, this man may seem like a winner over your husband right now, hun, but it is because you want excitment in your life. If you leave your husband for this man, and the flame for this guy turns out to be only a little spark, then what? Yeah, the laughing and flirting is fun, but it may be not all you need to be happy. If you miss this with your husband, you both need to work on it, hun, because trying to get it from someone else doesn't always work like you hope it would. Go try to work it out first, then "if" you do leave, you can leave knowing that you both tried to work on things that are making you both unhappy, or in this case you.
Thanks for the replies.. I cannot stop talking to this guy - he is the only person that can make me smile at the moment. We will not have an affair or relationship as he has already made it clear we are "just friends".
I want a trial seperation so that I can see if I do actually miss my husband - but he wont go, he sleeps on the sofa and insists on making me feel guilty for being honest about the state of our marriage.
you are doing yourself & your marriage absolutely no good by continuing to talk to this guy. the "just friends" thing is how everything always starts. being "just friends" with someone is fine but if you are doing something that you would not do if your husband was standing right there, then it is wrong and more than "just friends!" in my opinion, any person of the opposite sex that gives you something your spouse should be giving you, especially when you are having problems & it is a secret, should not be considered a friend. a friend would actually tell you the truth while being supportive. the truth is that you need to make a decision if you want your marriage or not. bottom line! you owe that to yourself & to your marriage. you will be happier with the outcome & how you feel about yourself in the end if you are honest now. no more secrets!!!!!
Is this male friend single? i would be that he is based on your description of him. I would also bet that he only wants to get you in bed, no matter what he says.
I thought he was after that so I asked him outright and told him he aint gettin it - he said he respects me and enjoys my company? He puts in a lot of effort if that's all he wants - we have been texting for 6 weeks and only been out once for 3 hours? He seems just a genuine guy and we just get on well - I always get on better with guys than girls - always have. My hubby has always been jealous type which is why I don't tell him thats all.
I have asked for trial seperation now and this guy is the only thing makin me smile at the moment, so it may end in tears but I can't be any more lonely that I already was.
As for your romantic interest, I know it feels exciting, But, Jumping to the next greener pasture isn't always your best alternative to finding that new love feeling again.The feelings and emotions of being in love are like a drug. If you don't interject some common sense or reality to them, they can become just as dangerous. Most affairs start out as "friendships" but evolve into something else,but I'm sure you've heard that already.…I'm a bit confused though,You say you love him, just not "in-love" with him anymore and perhaps you never were? I think you seriously need to take a step back and ask yourself why you ever decided to marry a man you were not "in love" with in the first place and have a child with him?
At any rate, the decision is up to you. Your first commitment should always be to your husband and your family. If you feel you can't continue in that relationship, for whatever reason, then you "owe it" to your husband and your family to tell them so. I don't really advise continuing the relationship with your other romantic interest, as that doesn't leave you any better off than you already are. In fact, it may even present a worse situation down the road.
When a relationship is over it is a good idea to take personal time away from ANY romantic type of relationship or situation until you can take stock of what went wrong, how you can fix it for the future and what goals you have for your future. Don't just go with the flow because it's easy. You are at a time when you need to make some pretty important personal decisions. Don't rush through this and take the time to really make sure the choices you make are the best for EVERYONE involved, not just yourself....
I am a flirty guy with lots a female friends, But you guys are to deep for a "friendship" this is a courtship.
daddy22 is rigth, if you want to save your amrriage you ahve to cut this guy off. If you DO NOT want to save your marriage and want it to end, then I would continue if it makes you happy.
I had a co-worker that stayed in a bad marriage for 10 years due to family and "what others would think" she finally divorced him, found a new guy at work, and is happy, nice to see her smiling again.
But you have to do what is best for you.
If you want to save your marriage, stop it with this guy and fix the marriage.
If you don't well....time to move on.
Personality connections are nice, but it won't last, you do need physical attraction, this guy would probably be just a fling.
Thanks GA - It's nice to hear that someone has actually been happy after ending a marriage, it's finally given me some hope that 1 day I may find happiness again.
I think I'm having an affair?
