I am doing lightyears better now that it's finalized but that Limbo of waiting and waiting and waiting for it to go through and going through the motions and not sure if it's going to happen and wondering if there is still a chance at reconciling, a last sliver of hope, and feeling like you're head is in a fugue--it is quite possibly hell on Earth.
The way I described it to someone was this:
Going through a divorce is like having your insides (chest) ripped open and it's burning hot like fire. And someone is pouring acid/gas on it so it's hurting like hell and you're crying and in pain and the tears don't stop coming and you're running out onto the highway screaming, hoping for anyone to help you, to stop and help you and spray off some of the pain and the fire and the burning but everyone is watching you and looking at you and going by and nobody can help you. And your screaming for help and mercy is no good to you.
That is what divorce felt like to me.
Post-divorce...there is a relief that comes with it. Cause the legalities are all tied up. The realization that it is all over so you have a new understanding and can accept it. You're broken, new, different. It's like you've been put in a machine and you come out a little stranger. Stronger. Wiser. A sense of innocence and naivete is lost. And yet -- you are ok. It's weird!!!
I do think the person who filed the divorce and ended the marriage formally/legally does not have the same "divorce experience" as the person who did not want the divorce and still wanted the marriage does. While I don't doubt the person who wanted out of the marriage grieves the loss and is hurt by it all and in pain, I don't think the grief/loss is the same as the spouse who had a divorce forced on them, or in other cases, the spouse who really wanted to stay married and never wanted a divorce.
That said, I don't believe one party is 100% at fault for the break down of a marriage. It takes two. With that said, it only takes one to end a marriage.
Divorce changes you. Someone said it's like getting an amputation: you survive it, but there is less of you. It's like getting a tattoo you never wanted. But it's there now and you just have to go on live with it.
And with every day, you find a way to smile, move forward, wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, laugh at something funnyon the news, discover something new, have setbacks, cry, feel happy, you're somehow different but ok. You go through it. I don't believe time heals all wounds but time certainly makes it better.
I do not want a divorce but I am the one filing. I feel I have no other option. My H, although he has told me he loves me, still says he refuses to give up "just a friend". I know it is not right nor fair for me to stay in this marriage.
Well in your case, you don't want the divorce but he's giving you the only other option of ... "stay with me while I carry on w/ someone else."
You deserve more.
So yes, there are those divorces, too: where it's either get a divorce or live in an open marriage w/ someone who keeps treating you like dirt. It's still an unwanted divorce.. it's not like you don't want the marriage, it's just that if you stay in that type of marriage, you don't get a full committment.
You H is a piece of work, Apple. And my bet is, as long as you do nothing (i.e. stay in a marraige w/ him), he's going to stay the same. He's already made it painfully clear he wants the affair AND you. That is nuts.
Yeah, he is a piece of work. This past Friday he was hugging me, kissing me, he brought me flowers, was telling me he loves me, he made love to me and the very next day he was back to wanting the divorce again. And as of present, he is seemingly very anxious to get moving on with the divorce.
I'm a bit further on. Didn't want the divorce but no remorse and no commitment mean I had no choice. It dies get easier, you go through the ups and downs but they become further apart. Posted via Mobile Device
Please stop sleeping with him, Apple. He lost that privilege with you since he won't end the affair. NO MORE. AND FOR THE LOVE OF the stars, get tested for STDs!
I'm a bit further on. Didn't want the divorce but no remorse and no commitment mean I had no choice. It dies get easier, you go through the ups and downs but they become further apart. Posted via Mobile Device
Mine has no remorse or regret either. he said sorry as if it was scripted. There was nothing genuine about it. He expects me to live with him and co-habitate with him as if we are on good terms with each other. Bt yet, he wants to take off with "just a friend" every night.
Please stop sleeping with him, Apple. He lost that privilege with you since he won't end the affair. NO MORE. AND FOR THE LOVE OF the stars, get tested for STDs!
You're right Jellybeans. I need to find the strength in me to stand up to him.
Oh, and my car broke down a few days ago. It should be fixed by tomorrow but my H is off work today. He offered to take me to work and pick me but I declined. I borrowed my sisters car instead. It's hard being around him, so I try to avoid him.
what does divorce feel like? 
