honeybum

I found out nearly 6 weeks ago about my H's brief affair, he told me, i had my suspicions as he confessed to an EA then a week later attmitted it was a PA. Its well over, but she has been evil and told horrible lies (that she was pregnant and got it aborted, -we found out this was all lies), there has been no contact between them for over a month now.

when he first told me he was so full of remorse and desperation. it was non stop hugging and affection, lovely inspiring text messages, when i was at work, and long late night chats. now it seems he has slipped into this "sadness" and whilst his behaviour is still affectionate, its not as much as it was. we have talked about it, and he says its because he is coming to terms with what he has done to me and himself. His affair was very out of character for him and he is having difficulty accepting it i think. i guess my question is, 6 weeks on from d day, how should he be acting? is it normal for him to feel like this?

im feeling so needy at the moment and really want him to be like he was 5/6 weeks ago. hes away with work at the moment so i think thats why im feeling like this

honeybum

i should add, that hes not sleeping well or eating. hes drinking quite a lot and has very little motivation for much around the house. i think he may be depressed

honeybum

the guilt, shame and remorse of what hes done is slowly killing him, he says. he says he feels like a broken man for what hes done. he hasnt asked me to forgive him yet as he knows this will take time and he is willing to talk any time i want and answer all my questions. the A was over almost as quickly as it started, it was a month of flirting and sexting leading to 3 times sex in the space of a week, then 2 weeks of just talking and texting and then he ended it. that was at start of march. i was told then shortly after as he said it was eating him alive and i he knew that i knew something was up.

we are starting MC next week, and he says he really wants us to stay together and that he loves me so much. the OW ws just a bit of excitement when he was feeling vulnerable and weak. he totally blames himself, as he should, but i cant help worrying about him.

i have never seen him like this

bird

YES! MC!!! for him if not you! I think its great the way hes reacting, from what little I know about your sisuation it looks like you have real hope! now to get him and YOU to a good place so you both can move on IS PARAMOUNT!!! we all react different ways and there is not a cookie cutter answer for everyone so seek a good counsler ASAP! I almost killed myself twice over my wifes PA, and friends and family (in my case) dont have a freakin' clue to how very bad this can be. maybe have him come on here?? humm

honeybum

thanks for your hopeful words! its great to hear something positive right now.
he knows i post on here and have been showing him the things i write and others. our MC sessions start next week. i have been researching mid life crisis and i am now convinced that this is whats wrong with him. over the last year he has changed his appearance, wants to but hasnt yet, wear his old ear ring from his teenage days, listening to all kinds of mad music, wanting to change his career, which he loves, always talking about his childhood or when we were young ( we have been bf's since 13 and togetther since age 15). but now he just seems sad. and i am sad too. its not a nice situation, but im hoping we can pull each other up, after all we have known each other practically our whole lives and have always done that for each other, we just got lost for a while

bird

ahh, well to him when he reads this Hey! your going through a mid life crisis too! well WELCOME TO THE CLUB!! (that gets better) look, your wife loves you!!! YEA!! looks like you married well!! so you made a big mistake, we all make them! dont take away her Husband because you feel down, put that ear ring on and find a new career!! enjoy life!! now go and MAKE YOUR WIFE HAPPY!! she wants only you! old or young she wants you pal! thats freakin' awesome!!! ahh buy a whitesnake CD too, that helped me when I drive my brothers vet!!! LOL! I think you two will make it! if the depression wont go away tell your doc to get you some celexa! I used it for about a week, it works good, so good it frightened me! LOL (see, I had a 7.62 rifle in my tempel about two months ago and today I'm smiling! IT WILL GET BETTER!! IT WILL!!!

honeybum

that made me smile thanks, and i will show him this when he gets home. i think some meds from doc though may be in order for him as hes been like this for a while now. all those things i mentioned have happened over the last year or so but the affair was very recent (mid jan - to mid march). the doc gave me some diazapam, think you call it valium, in a high dose, but it was too good it was scary too! plus i have a 4 year old to look after so coldnt be taking it all the time.
thats great that you have got better too, not nice that you were in such a dark place though. i do understand though, on d day iw ent out for a drive and was praying for someone to crash into me or for me to have the strength to crash the car, thank fully i had the strength not to. its a dark place to be, but thankfully neither of us our there now.

bird

God is good!

honeybum

i agree. thats the other thing with him over the last year he has completely lost his faith. we were not really church goers but had a strong belief. he has from childhood and was a born again christain at the age of 14 but in the last year he now says he no longer believes. this actually scares me, as i say, what happens to us when we die? silly i know

bird

well as a fellow believer I would suggest its time to find a good Church, or maybe one with small cell groups. he knows the truth hes just hurt by himself and he is looking at the tempory as if it was the forever. I've been there too. being with others at first will kind of tic him off because some seem so FREAKIN' HAPPY! GGRRR!! but it rubs off, the bibles says that is the MAIN reason we are to meet with one another to edify each other. it works for a believer.

honeybum

he says he hates all that "bible bashing" stuff and hates people shoving religion in his face. he has very paganistic views now. when we die, you are born again as fertiliser to help nourish the earth and such! i i was to suggest anything like that i know the reaction i would get. he has felt like this well over a year or so now.

bird

LOL, its too late! he's a Christian and God ain't letting go!

honeybum

i'll be sure to tell him that! though he has cheated god too. he made a promise to him years ago and broke that promise too.

bird

God big on mercy!! pray for him!! I will too! besides those flaky people NEED him maybe more than he needs them!

honeybum

we have just been talking and hes so down at the moment. hes away from home on a course nd staying at his mums at night to save on travelling 100 miles a day. he says he needs to sort himself out first and that he feels so depressed and cant handle what hes done. he says he needs to focus on the real him and not the him hes become. am i selfish to be thinking he should be thinking of me first, being the LS?