I originally came to TAM as a guy concerned about reviving the spark in my marriage. I would have swore to anyone that I wasn't the type to cheat, yet 6-7 months after joining this site.. it was I that was in an affair. As with most affairs and secrets, my wife found out about the affair, I lied, hid that it continued...and she found out again, the 2nd time I really did end it. We have gone through marriage counseling and most days are doing very well. She has access to my cell phone records, email account, facebook account, and even knows that I post here and has the password to that as well.
My question is. How many of your spouses know you post here? While I understand the need for transparency we had an arguement about this very site. It bothered her that I don't feel the same about posting, now that she knows every word I post. She feels that I should be able to say anything directly to her that I might ask advice for here. Yet I see posts from numerous ppl....including those that are the LS that I know they wouldn't want their spouse to read. So....is it OK to have an account on something like this without the spouse having access......or does the DS just loose that right by default? Of course I ask this for both our benefits.
BTW her response when I mentioned not feeling as free to post here was that she just wouldn't come here anymore unless I wanted her to read something. That was not my wish, I believe there to be many benefits for her on this forum.
yes, but she is computer illiterate and I now know every key she pushes on line so its cool, I have let her read my origional post and the replies, it actualy helped her understand a lot more of what she thought was unique to me is really very normal and how bad she hurt me.
My wife knows I post here but chooses not to read it and doesn't like that I am here. She feels that the posts are too negative and filled with hurt people that are just prolonging their healing by posting here.
My wife knows I post here but chooses not to read it and doesn't like that I am here. She feels that the posts are too negative and filled with hurt people that are just prolonging their healing by posting here.
a cheater can never understand the pain and hurt they cause, never ever.
Yes, my wife knows. I have even suggested she read the board in order to educate herself. She said "I don't want to read about other people’s problems." LOL
Yes my Dear Hubby knows I post here and if he doesn't read what I post, I usually read it to him! LOL
I somewhat agree with your wife in that anything you would/could discuss here, ideally you should be open and transparent enough with your spouse to talk about first. Thus, anything I write about me here on this forum is not a "surprise" to my Dear Hubby. I know also that sometimes people use this place as a sounding board: to see if they are thinking realistically or to see if their expectations are unrealistic...or even sometimes just to vent an unformed feeling and figure out how to then formulate it into something coherent they could then go talk to their spouse about!
Thus I agree on one thing: the goal is to be transparent enough with your spouse that you would go to them to discuss these issues. Unfortunately, sometimes the "issue" IS your spouse and you're not going to get third, party objective advice if that's the case.
I guess she figures it is better than a beating...
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!
*yes i have a sense of humor*
I suppose knowing vs does she read the post might be the question I pose to you 2time? Your posts in particular give out some really good advise, but could also be read the wrong way by your wife I would think.
My one question still remains unanswered though. Is it wrong for a spouse....to prefer posting here and their spouse not know? Does the difference boil down to if the one posting is a DS or LS?
mine has no idea. Not that I am hiding it from him, it's just that right now, while he is in his fog and I work on trying the 180, he does not need to know.
My STBxW is aware I use forums to discuss and better understand this trauma I'm trying to deal with, and heal from.
This one specifically, I don't think so. Not that I'm aware of anyway.
But this lovely soul crushing experience she gifted me with also came with a side order of brutal paranoia... Being lied to, gaslighted, and emotionally abused like this has put all kinds of "monsters under the bed".
At times I can't overcome the feeling I'm being watched.. Like W and OM read everything. I feel like IM always being lied to, manipulated, and being played with.
Pretty scary, reckon my mind is bad. Short curcuited somewhere along the line.
I didn't tell my wife when I first came on here, but did tell her after I'd been here a couple of days. My daughter found this site and that's how she discovered my wife's affair. After she told us, she showed my wife my posts while I was at work. Wife couldn't argue.
I sometimes feel guilty that I'm sharing personal information here. Compared to her sharing her body as well as my safety and well being with another man, I guess that's small, but two wrongs don't make a right.
I wish she would come here herself and read a while. She doesn't have a computer where she's living, and I suppose she doesn't really care enough to come here if she did have one. That's too bad for both of us, but mostly for her. Looks like I'll be applying what I've learned here to a relationship with someone else in the future. Tough s**t for her, I guess.
My wife knows I use a forum but doesn't to my knowledge know it's this one. I don't bother deleting history or anything as I don't want to hide anything, but I can see from the Opendns listings that there has never been any TAM site accessed while I'm away from home 50% of each month.
In some ways I wish she would find her own way here as there are a lot of points which may help her understand how her doings has affected me. Emailing copies of chosen posts just won't have the same effect.
One day when/if I feel she has opened to me in a way I believe (dreaming...?), then I will most definately point her here - maybe even encourage her to join herself.
[QUOTE=castingabout;299495]
I sometimes feel guilty that I'm sharing personal information here. Compared to her sharing her body as well as my safety and well being with another man, I guess that's small, but two wrongs don't make a right.
QUOTE] NO NO NO!!!! posting here under a totally anomous name is NOT wrong!! what she did was wrong. but always remember this advice, "two wrongs dont make a right...but three lefts do!" (JK)
I sometimes feel guilty that I'm sharing personal information here. Compared to her sharing her body as well as my safety and well being with another man, I guess that's small, but two wrongs don't make a right.
QUOTE] NO NO NO!!!! posting here under a totally anomous name is NOT wrong!! what she did was wrong. but always remember this advice, "two wrongs dont make a right...but three lefts do!" (JK)
Does your Spouse know you post here? 
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