Baby L, all you can do is move on. You cheated, have seen how wrong it was and apologized and that is all you can do. He doesn't want to be with you anymore and that is his choice.
If you have already said sorry and expessed remorese and he hasn't responded to you, you can't do anything else.
There is nothing else to see here. So move forward and in the future, don't cheat.
No one actually stays that angry for that long. It devolves into brooding resentment. He's not mad at you, he's punishing you. BIG BIG difference. It's not anger, it's hate.
How can I try and make him come round and stop hating me though??
Couple things... If you've done what you can to show him, through actions and words, then there may not be anything else you can do. He either will accept and believe that, or he won't. You can't MAKE him believe.
Second, like others have said... It just may be over. He may not be willing to forgive you for what you've done. That's his perogative. And you may just need to accept that and move on.
Just because you want him back doesn't mean he'll ever want you back. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. To some people, what you've done is unforgiveable, and it's simply the end of the relationship. So your best bet at this point is to start moving on with your life. If he wants to try to pick things up again, he will.
C
I'm trying to move on but it just seems so difficult.
As you said, YOU forgave so you expect everyone else to forgive.
Many, many people simply have no tolerance for being cheated on. Period.
And there's nothing you can do about 'making' them think differently.
I wish I wasn't so forgiving but I can't help it. I can be evil but really, that's a cover up, really, I'm sweet, kind, loving and caring inside. I just have these weird outbursts of evil and do things that I don't really want to do and I end up hurting people I care about as a result of it. I don't know why it happens, it just does and it's been like this for years now. When I'm really happy, something I don't mean to do always messes it up. It's like I'm not meant to be happy,:-(.
Baby L, all you can do is move on. You cheated, have seen how wrong it was and apologized and that is all you can do. He doesn't want to be with you anymore and that is his choice.
If you have already said sorry and expessed remorese and he hasn't responded to you, you can't do anything else.
There is nothing else to see here. So move forward and in the future, don't cheat.
He has said to me that somehow he has seen no remorse from me for what I have done.
Work on you, that's all you can do, you seem to have a grasp on why you cheated, work through that. He has to work on himself, he's probably going deal with the trust issues, self-esteem, and anger. After you've worked on yourselves, you can then work on a relationship whether romantic or platonic.
By the by, did you confess or did he discover? Posted via Mobile Device
How can I try and make him come round and stop hating me though??
Hmm that's a tough one. What do you think? Does he believe you've come clean completely? If yes then you have to tell him in no uncertain terms that the past is the past and we can't de-invent ourselves. You can apologize from the depths of your heart and either he accepts that or he doesn't. But in the end, if your relationship is broken it's broken. You have to convince him that being hateful no matter how he feels justified isn't going to fix anything. You're both stuck because of it. Is that what he wants? Just to be hateful?
If I were a psychotherapist I'd say your husband is stuck in Kubler-Ross phase of grief. I think that's what he's experiencing, a stage of grieving. He has to move past that. You can help him with that by calmly explaining to him he's GOT to move forward, one way or another. Either up or out. But in any case 'this' isn't doing anything except for being toxic and horrible.
Work on you, that's all you can do, you seem to have a grasp on why you cheated, work through that. He has to work on himself, he's probably going deal with the trust issues, self-esteem, and anger. After you've worked on yourselves, you can then work on a relationship whether romantic or platonic.
By the by, did you confess or did he discover? Posted via Mobile Device
Unfortunately, he discovered it. I had a virus on my laptop and he was going to get rid of it for me, so I gave it to him to work on overnight and he got curious because of my past and curiousity got the better of him. He looked at my saved msn conversations and read every single one between me and a guy I used to like in the past. Late that night/early morning, I recieved a text from him saying 'I think we need to talk.' I freaked out realising what he had discovered and I started saying sorry a lot and I said 'Please don't leave me' and all that. That night, he ended it with me through text. He has never actually told me in person that it's over. He has only told me via text or facebook mail or msn.
Hmm that's a tough one. What do you think? Does he believe you've come clean completely? If yes then you have to tell him in no uncertain terms that the past is the past and we can't de-invent ourselves. You can apologize from the depths of your heart and either he accepts that or he doesn't. But in the end, if your relationship is broken it's broken. You have to convince him that being hateful no matter how he feels justified isn't going to fix anything. You're both stuck because of it. Is that what he wants? Just to be hateful?
If I were a psychotherapist I'd say your husband is stuck in Kubler-Ross phase of grief. I think that's what he's experiencing, a stage of grieving. He has to move past that. You can help him with that by calmly explaining to him he's GOT to move forward, one way or another. Either up or out. But in any case 'this' isn't doing anything except for being toxic and horrible.
He doesn't believe I have come clean completely because my story doesn't fully match up tp the conversations he read. He read stuff in a different context than the one they were meant in. I don't know what he wants. To be honest, I just think he does still have feelings for me. It would explain why he doesn't meet up with me anymore and why he's being so angry with me because whenever we meet up (Since he left) he had always ended up letting it slip that he still has feelings for me. The reason why he's so angry is either because he is still hurting from what I did, or it could be that he is trying to cover up his feelings- Turning love into hate because he's scared of being hurt again.
Unfortunately, he discovered it. I had a virus on my laptop and he was going to get rid of it for me, so I gave it to him to work on overnight and he got curious because of my past and curiousity got the better of him. He looked at my saved msn conversations and read every single one between me and a guy I used to like in the past. Late that night/early morning, I recieved a text from him saying 'I think we need to talk.' I freaked out realising what he had discovered and I started saying sorry a lot and I said 'Please don't leave me' and all that. That night, he ended it with me through text. He has never actually told me in person that it's over. He has only told me via text or facebook mail or msn.
Damn and he was helping you too but he's still communicating with you, right? Posted via Mobile Device
Well, he will when he's ready but you have to face your fear and accept the certainty that it may be a while if he ever does. Continue to work on yourself so that you won't do this again and hope that you haven't "killed" the man you love. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, he will when he's ready but you have to face your fear and accept the certainty that it may be a while if he ever does. Continue to work on yourself so that you won't do this again and hope that you haven't "killed" the man you love. Posted via Mobile Device
All I can say is- You're too DAMN young to be going through this hell. At some point, you or he must decide on a conclusion to the matter. But, like I said, the ball is in his court right now.
Re: How do I calm him down?? 
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