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"Just a friend" needs to go away already

20K views 266 replies 26 participants last post by  BIP 
#1 ·
Apologies for starting yet a new thread. I know someone of you do not like that because it can get confusing but right now, I just needed to start writing. Well, from my earlier post, I said found the proof that my H was sleeping with "just a friend". I confronted him with this proof. He confessed to some things but not all. So, I emailed her and I asked her. She emailed me back and was upfront with me. I thanked her for answering my questions and asked her to leave my family alone. Obviously that did not matter to her none as I was just eavesdropping on my H on the phone with her. He is actually still on the phone with her as I write this. I couldn't stomach to listen any longer. He is pro-fusing his love for her. He is going on and on and on about how "good" she makes him feel and how he can't stop thinking of her and how his thoughts are consumed with her, day in and day out. I listened as he painted a little picture of a place they went to make out at. Now, here is the big twist. She is in love with another guy. She actually proposed marriage to this other guy. But he will not be with her right now while she is in contact with my H. So, she is in love with this other guy, my husband is in love with her. And my H cant see the nose at the end of his face thanks to his fog. He cant see the damage that is being done to our family. All he is, is focused on "winning her and waiting for as long as he has too" (his quote I over heard him say) I walked away right about there. I knew there was more. I knew she was more than "just a friend" I tried to prepare myself to soften the blow because I knew the truth would come out eventually. But it still hurts like hell. My H is drunk, walking around the house in his underwear and confessing his "love" to another woman. Oh, and he also told me that he no longer considers us married. That our marriage is only a piece of paper standing in his way and that he would pursue her with everything he had because she is what he wants and that it's time he (quote) "stops denying himself of her".
I think I need to go vomit now.
 
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#38 ·
My response to her:
No, it does not help. Just having "been" with him hurts me in more ways than you can imagine. Just having "been" with him has caused me sickening pain. I do not even know how to describe the kind of pain it is. How many times I've fallen on the ground and cried. I do not know you. I never did anything to you and I sure do not know why you would have done this to me. I do not know why my husband is leaving his wife and family just for a chance with you. I do not know what my husband has told you about me. But this is me. I am not perfect. None of us are but I was good to him. I loved him. (I still love him despite the fact he was so willing to hurt me) I was faithful and devoted to him. I made him first in my life. I did what I could to make him happy. Even if he told you he "wanted to leave" he never gave me any hint of that. He made love to me weekly. He held me every night in bed. He told me every single day he loved me. I have several text messages from him to prove this if you do not believe me.
Enough damage has been done. All the time he spent with you. All the places you went together. Why would you deny me my husband? do you not think these are the things he should have been doing with his wife? My family is in ruins. My home is broken all because of this. You said your ex-husband was unfaithful to you. If you know how damaging that is, why would you turn around and do it to another woman? The only thing I've asked of you is to stay away from my husband. Remove him from your life completely. It's the least you can do after everything else. You've said you were sorry. Fine. Remove yourself from my husband's life. No more contact. In person, on the phone, online, anywhere. Be the bigger person. I know you know what is right.
 
#53 ·
Or this! LOL


This woman is what rhymes with the word runt.
Oh come on, just say it. She is a ****. Of massive proportions. Seriously, she makes me ill. I am not trying to make you more angry, Apple, but the thought of her sitting in your own driveway at your marital home, waiting for your hub, is something that makes me want to smack her for you.

she has yet to write me back. Did I say something?? O_O
She is probably digesting everything you wrote and *hopefully* realizing the destruction and damage she has caused.

What is up the legal stuff? Did you see the lawyer? Anything new?
 
#51 ·
I'm half tempted tro write a lot of things too, Paramore. I'm also half tempted to rub posion ivy on the insides of his underwear. I'm half tempted to infest her car with fleas or lice or spiders. But, I won't. Unlike them, I do know right from wrong even when wrong seems so right.
 
#54 ·
What is up the legal stuff? Did you see the lawyer? Anything new?[/QUOTE]

Yes, I saw a lawyer. But of course, he needs the money upfront. I dont have that. So, Imma go lawyer shopping to see what I can find.
 
#55 ·
Since he no longer considers you married, time to kick his sorry ass to the curb...I know it's easier said than done, but you don't deserve this kind of treatment. Since he says he's in love with another woman, then she can put up with him...until somebody else catches his eye, or she decides to kick him out.
Good luck..I wish you all the best.
 
#59 ·
If you haven't alread (I just jumped ahead to post a reply) please don't contact her again, and make sure she knows you don't want to be contacted.

One HUGE thing that was wrong with your letter was that you explained that she damaged you. She hurt you. Her actions made you cry. Girl, you are barking up a dead tree. She DOESN'T CARE that she hurt you, so you have to stop telling her that. You can whine at her all you want, but she's not going to care. What you HAVE to do now, if she contacts you again, is show some ANGER and DISCIPLINE and lay down LAWS AND RULES.

You are giving her power by showing your weak side to her. Enough is enough. If you do come in contact again, show her your power. Show her you won't stand for her anymore. She's crossed your line and she's not sorry, and she doesn't care...and she KNOWS she can stay over that line because you're allowing her to see that you're wounded.

Are you angry enough now to understand that its time to cross HER line? Push her back where she belongs? STOP telling her that you're injured and weak. SHOW her what your rules are and that you are a strong woman.
 
#62 ·
Jazz makes a good point. Never let them see u sweat. On the one hand though I understand u wanting to tell herr off and let her know she is a homewrecker who has been a nightmare to ur marriage. Hopefully the guilt will consume her. I've alreaady said this but it takes a person from a scum. And disgusting level to have the audacity to showup. At ur marital home and wait for ur. Hub. She is a total POS. And so is ur huub right now. When she emails back. U could tell her 'do not contact me again or go anywhere near my home. U have already done enough and don't be suurprisd. If u r mentioned in a divorce petition in front of a judge.K then...go darkM no more contact and tell ukr hub he has to move out. Today.
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#63 ·
she has not wrote me back since I told her off. And my dear sweet lovable husband (I do say that quite sarcastically) has informed today he found an efficiency apartment to stay in. How nice that will be I'm sure. Leaving our 5 bedroom home to stay in an efficiency apartment. Well, I hope it was worth it to him
 
#70 ·
I'm having a terrrible morning. I woke up and found myself missing him terribly. It's so painful right now. I've been crying and crying all morning, thinking about how he is supposed to be here with me but he's not. He's not because of her. I hate her so much. I never did a damned thing to her. Why does she have any right to MY husband? I blame him too. I'm pretty sure he was aware of the fact he is married. I hate him for he did to our family. I hate him for his willingness to destroy each and everyone of us for "her". And I hate myself for ever taking him back 5 and a half years ago. I hate myself for being stupid enough to give him another chance. And I hate myself for waking up and actually wishing he was here. I just want all these emotions to go away already. I want to be able to turn myself off like he did and not care at all.
 
#77 ·
I'm having a terrrible morning. I woke up and found myself missing him terribly. It's so painful right now. I've been crying and crying all morning, thinking about how he is supposed to be here with me but he's not. He's not because of her. I hate her so much. I never did a damned thing to her.
Mornings are the hardest for me, too. I mentioned this to a friend of mine just two days ago. She said that she had post-pard depression a few years back, and the mornings were horrible. Her doctor said it was something about synapses not firing when you first wake up, and maybe for several hours. You need to stimulate your brain and body immediately in the AM! Walk, coffee, crossword, shower, sudoku . . . before you call, text, email, or go back to bed b/c you are sad. Just be aware that the loneliness you feel in the mornings may not be true, just depression. That is something you CAN fix!
 
#71 ·
Apple , you will be in some pain for a while however you will be far better off in the future once you have shut him out of your life.

Your are doing this for yourself and your family , time will take away your hurt. Stay on course, breathe deeply , keep your mind occupied, be strong.
 
#72 ·
I know, it's only been 3 weeks since we separated and only 3 days since I found out the whole truth. I know it will take time. It's just that this morning when I woke up, I realized that he was not here at all last night. I do not know where he was last night. I imagine he was with her. I imagine he spent the night with her. (I can not say that for sure though but when he tells me he's going to pursue her with all he has, where else would I think he is?) As much as I want him moved out of our house, I also hate the thought of him being with her. How is it that some people can so willingly destroy another person's family all for their own selfish needs? That takes a special kind of person right there.
 
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