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"Just a friend" needs to go away already

20K views 266 replies 26 participants last post by  BIP 
#1 ·
Apologies for starting yet a new thread. I know someone of you do not like that because it can get confusing but right now, I just needed to start writing. Well, from my earlier post, I said found the proof that my H was sleeping with "just a friend". I confronted him with this proof. He confessed to some things but not all. So, I emailed her and I asked her. She emailed me back and was upfront with me. I thanked her for answering my questions and asked her to leave my family alone. Obviously that did not matter to her none as I was just eavesdropping on my H on the phone with her. He is actually still on the phone with her as I write this. I couldn't stomach to listen any longer. He is pro-fusing his love for her. He is going on and on and on about how "good" she makes him feel and how he can't stop thinking of her and how his thoughts are consumed with her, day in and day out. I listened as he painted a little picture of a place they went to make out at. Now, here is the big twist. She is in love with another guy. She actually proposed marriage to this other guy. But he will not be with her right now while she is in contact with my H. So, she is in love with this other guy, my husband is in love with her. And my H cant see the nose at the end of his face thanks to his fog. He cant see the damage that is being done to our family. All he is, is focused on "winning her and waiting for as long as he has too" (his quote I over heard him say) I walked away right about there. I knew there was more. I knew she was more than "just a friend" I tried to prepare myself to soften the blow because I knew the truth would come out eventually. But it still hurts like hell. My H is drunk, walking around the house in his underwear and confessing his "love" to another woman. Oh, and he also told me that he no longer considers us married. That our marriage is only a piece of paper standing in his way and that he would pursue her with everything he had because she is what he wants and that it's time he (quote) "stops denying himself of her".
I think I need to go vomit now.
 
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#74 ·
It doesn't take away the pain but know that there are many who have gone through what you are facing right now and we understand. I am always hopeful that the cheater wakes up in enough time that reconciliation is possible. But reconciliation is only worthwhile to the betrayed if the wounds aren't too deep to be permanent scars. I always hoped my ex would wake up & come running back with remorse, willing to do whatever it took to fix our relationship and heal my hurt. Now I see I would always be the fixer, even if I'm the one who needs him to reach out to me. It would never be good for me. I still get mad and still get sad. I grieve the fun closeness & connectedness we had. But he made the choice to ruin our relationship; I didn't. You've done well...better than I did. Even if it feels that you won't make it, have courage & don't give in. You are a good person and good people don't encourage the demons to thrive.
 
#75 ·
yes, this is how I feel. I have always been the one to try to make it better and he has never cared. He hurt me and he didnt care that he did. I cannot fix it this time and even if he was to come back to me, he has betrayed me one too many times. The wounds will not heal this time. I need to start packing his memory away. Anything in my house that has a memory of him needs to go away. I am grieving today. I feel so lonely today. Sitting here missing the closeness, missing his touch, missing feeling whole. I'm burtsing into tears at any given moment and sobbing for a few minutes before calming down again. I think that his utter lack of conscience over what he did is worse than the actual affair. I wish he could at least be sorry, but he is not.
 
#76 ·
I made the mistake of trying to show & convince him he was genuinely loved and cared but it did not change his behavior and respect for our marriage. What a waste of energy. He loved my adoration but also loved what he was doing outside his marriage. He enjoyed that 2 women were fighting for him & it did wonders for his ego. How sick is that?

I never thought I would get out of my depression and sorrow. Recently anger overtook sadness. I thought I would never get there. I still have moments of sadness but I realize it's sadness for a man who wasn't the man I married. As hard as I tried to get over him, for me it just took time and TAM. I'm not there yet but I feel (hope) that I found the right road to permanent detachment & I feel much better for that. Hang in there. You have a lot of support.
 
#110 ·
I did the same thing in my marriage. I did everything I could to show him that my love for him was genuine. I would go out of my way to make him happy. For nearly 15 years I gave this man all of myself. And the only thing he gave back was a trail of heartbreak and broken promises. I am in the anger stage right now. I want him out of my life. He has been unfaithful numerous times throughout our marriage. I am worth more than what he has put me through and I know he will do nothing but leave a trail of broken relationships in his future. He's never been faithful to a single woman. Ever.
I hope someday I find a man who will love me and my kids and will be a real man, not a slimely scum sucking salamander.
 
#78 ·
This was another morning I woke up crying. I try to think of the loss of my marriage as quitting smoking. When I quit smoking a year and a half ago, I did so cold turkey. I went through cravings, I went through withdrawals. I really struggled with wanting a cigarette. But I held strong. Now, I've been smoke free since september 2009. With my marriage, the loss is still fresh, so I still "crave" it. I suffer "withdrawals" of not having my H around and I really struggle with trying to make it another day. But, time heals all wounds. I will always have scars however. In time, I will no longer "crave" this marriage. As I grew to realize how bad smoking was for me, I have realize how bad this marriage was for me. He was never faithful. He didnt care about lying to me. He was a very bad husband and my mistake was that I thought if I loved him enough, he would love me too, but no matter how much I loved those cigarettes, they were still bad for me.
 
#81 ·
With my marriage, the loss is still fresh, so I still "crave" it. I suffer "withdrawals" of not having my H around and I really struggle with trying to make it another day. But, time heals all wounds.
That's a great analogy, and it must give you strength b/c you were successful with the smokes! Congratulations! I'm sure there were certain times of the day you'd crave a cig. Try to recognize the times or triggers that make your crave your lying, cheating ass of a husband (oh wait, sorry, I was thinking about mine), and nip them in the bud. Mornings are the hardest for me, too, by far.
 
#83 ·
Throw the plates throw the plates. Keep ignoring him, I am gonna do that tonight...I will speak politely when spoken to, but there's no way in hell I am going to initiate conversation with the hurtful way he treated me, let him see what life is like without me with me in the same room. He's not gonna have his girl around to have fun casual conversation with like he always does, his girl isn't going to initiate intimacy anymore, he is going to have to do it. I will tell him I am always game, but if he wants me he can come get me if he loves me.
 
#84 ·
one of my co-workers suggested coating the inside of his underwear with itching powder. A friend suggested I take cat fish bait and rub it randomly on the inside of his car, on the bottoms of the windshield wipers and on the undersides of the door handles. :D
 
#89 ·
Two words : Super Glue

Ducky,pack your stuff and come to sunny NC. I have horses the wife left behind. Got chewing tobacco so neither of us has to smoke (Tempting, no?) :E Home made wine. Freezer full of home grown pork. Get here. It's the promised land!
I'll even let you mow pastures!
Get him out of your life so that you can live it. Look out for you and do what's best for you. Be strong, Lady.
 
#90 ·
Hmmm, I am a very experienced horseback rider. I rode in fairs and parades as a teenager. Ran some barrel races but never got the chance to do that competively, though I would have loved to. Home grown pork? MMMM, your talkn to a country girl here who knows that farm fed beef and pork is so much better than what you buy at the grocery store. And mowing pastures? Shiiit, that's what goats are for. Put a few Nubians out there and the grass will be short before you know it. If not, driving a tractor aint no problem ;)
 
#92 ·
had to talk to him about some financial issues. GAAAAHH, I hate talking to him anymore. Whenever I look at him, I see this dispicable creature who took the thing that meant the most to me (our marriage) and $hit all over it. When I look at him, I see "her" on him. It was disgusting the way he stood there, all cold and callus, without a soul, talking to me. As we were talking, we noticed that one of the cats had puked on a pair of his shorts he had left on the floor. He then looks me and says "is that cat puke or did you wipe your ass with my shorts?" I was so offended. I told him that was uncalled for and all he did was shrug his shoulders. He's the one who cheats on me and then he insults me! I cant wait to get rid of this bastard. When does the misery come for him? When does he get to suffer the same kind of pain he has put me through? How can he stand there, emotionless about everything?
 
#100 ·
Yes, I have. I do not know when I will be able to get the process started though. I'm struggling to catch up on bills now. I recently found out that my H has not paid any bills for the past 2 months now. I have disconnect notices everywhere. He was always in charge of the money and bill paying and I always assumed he had paid the bills. Turns out, he's been spending on our money on other things :mad: I do not know when I will be able to come up with the money to hire a lawyer.
 
#99 ·
I did something rather mean to my H last night.. cuz he told me he wouldn't fight me for custody of the kids if he does decide to leave, he just wants his freedom... I got instantly pissed.. i wanted to tell the kids that their daddy would just toss them aside for his "freedom"... but I didnt.. instead

I cut holes in all the crotches of his underwear....
 
#102 ·
:rofl: did you see my post from last night? I brushed my dog's teeth with my H toothbrush :D My dog's teeth look great! He will probably do good with another cleaning tonight.
 
#101 ·
Look up legal aide or legal services.. there are a lot of lawyers out there who will charge a sliding fee scale.. or even pro bono it if things are that bad.

I found a lawyer this week.. hes willing to probono my case because of all the emotional abuse I've been dealing with, he said he doesn't want to see anyone sitting in a situation like mine.

Keep digging girl there is help out there.. file for child support! Go to the child support services office.. file.. and ask them about legal aide.
 
#106 ·
I'm hoping to find one willing to take my case on too. One that will be more than happy to stick it to my H real good. Make him suffer the consequences of his actions.
 
#113 ·
I have been reveling in the fantasies of what probably will happen when H moves out and tries to actually work something out with OW. And I know these things will happen....

She will either find out how horrible he is in bed (which do to is BDSM fantasy world, he thrives on causing his partners pain and embarassment) and if he doesnt go into the bdsm thing with her right away she will find out hes a 2 pump chump..and then dump his a$$

or ..

She will find out the truth of what a selfish idiot he is, and he will move on to the next floozie that will give it to him soon enough...

or..

she will F*ck around, cuz thats what tramps who break up marriages do eventually (i seen her personally bring home 3 random dudes from a bar three nights in a row, my sister in law and her competed for them.. sick)

and then I will laugh.. because he will have p*ssed his marriage and family away.. with no second chance .. Karma will come.
 
#117 ·
Wow, you guys have me laughing. Oh goodness, must control myself from doing something spiteful. LOL.

52Flower I could have written what you wrote verbatim. Sad, really. We are good people!
 
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