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"Just a friend" needs to go away already

20K views 266 replies 26 participants last post by  BIP 
#1 ·
Apologies for starting yet a new thread. I know someone of you do not like that because it can get confusing but right now, I just needed to start writing. Well, from my earlier post, I said found the proof that my H was sleeping with "just a friend". I confronted him with this proof. He confessed to some things but not all. So, I emailed her and I asked her. She emailed me back and was upfront with me. I thanked her for answering my questions and asked her to leave my family alone. Obviously that did not matter to her none as I was just eavesdropping on my H on the phone with her. He is actually still on the phone with her as I write this. I couldn't stomach to listen any longer. He is pro-fusing his love for her. He is going on and on and on about how "good" she makes him feel and how he can't stop thinking of her and how his thoughts are consumed with her, day in and day out. I listened as he painted a little picture of a place they went to make out at. Now, here is the big twist. She is in love with another guy. She actually proposed marriage to this other guy. But he will not be with her right now while she is in contact with my H. So, she is in love with this other guy, my husband is in love with her. And my H cant see the nose at the end of his face thanks to his fog. He cant see the damage that is being done to our family. All he is, is focused on "winning her and waiting for as long as he has too" (his quote I over heard him say) I walked away right about there. I knew there was more. I knew she was more than "just a friend" I tried to prepare myself to soften the blow because I knew the truth would come out eventually. But it still hurts like hell. My H is drunk, walking around the house in his underwear and confessing his "love" to another woman. Oh, and he also told me that he no longer considers us married. That our marriage is only a piece of paper standing in his way and that he would pursue her with everything he had because she is what he wants and that it's time he (quote) "stops denying himself of her".
I think I need to go vomit now.
 
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#2 ·
What a *********. :mad:

Since you say you cannot afford a lawyer to have him kicked out of the house and that he won't go, where is he sleeping? Don't let him sleep in your bed. If you can, install a lock on your bedroom door and throw his clothes out.

Do not cook for him.
Do not do his laundry.
And most of all, do not give him sex, no matter what he does to try to sweet talk you. He'll just be fantasizing about her when he's with you anyway.

You need to be strong and put on your big girl panties and start detaching yourself from this unremorseful cheater. Do you really want to be with a man like this? Start working on yourself. Go on a diet, start going to the gym and losing weight. Start a new hobby, go out with friends. Just don't get into a revenge affair, that would be wrong and just lowering yourself to his and her level. You deserve better. You will find someone better.
 
#3 ·
Its time to get angry, woman. Don't stand by while he's in the other room, talking to the OW. Don't be a door mat. She won't stop contact with him on her own. I said this in the other post, but everything she just told you in her email WAS A LIE. DON'T fall for it. She's buying time from you so she can continue to talk with your husband. She's a little wh*re and she's NOT sorry for hurting you or your family.

Your husband is NOT sorry for hurting you or your family. You have two people who are engaging in an act who is hurting you and your family, and they are NOT sorry.

Well he WILL be sorry when you toss his clothes out onto the front lawn. He WILL be sorry when he's eating cereal because you won't cook. He WILL be sorry when he's complaining of back aches because he's sleeping on the couch. If he's not sorry, make him sorry. He thinks that there are no consequences to his actions. Show him different. Stand up and be a worrior, Apple. SHOW him there are limits to your patience and love, and he put them there. Show him what crossing that limit means.
 
#4 ·
I have decided to take a step today. My kids are going out of town to spend Easter with my parents. H is going out of town to party with OW. I'm going to pack his sh*t up and leave it outside in the driveway. Then I'm going to go out myself. Have some fun with my friends.

Get mad woman! Let him KNOW you will not stand for another woman in your marriage. Throw his sh*t out in the front yard and burn it. Scream! Yell! And do not sleep with him!

I have been trying to "fix" my marriage for the last year, I've recently realized I've been doing it alone.. that p*sses me right off. I am soooo angry.. and fed up. I actually hope the OW lets him move in and they try to start a relationship together. Because, I know how he is, and she will find out.. hes not so great. And he will find out the OW isn't all that either. But, its too late. I will move on, and he will have lost his family.. and he will be alone.

Show him what he is going to be missing! I went out and got my hair done drastically different. My daughter and I went and got Mani/Pedi's together. My best friend and I joined a gym, started working out 3 days a week.

He actually tried flirting with me the other day. I told him to keep his filthy hands off of me. It felt good.

Also, if he wants to be with the OW.. when hes hungry.. DO NOT COOK FOR HIM.. tell him to go have her feed him. If he wants out, he doesn't need all the stuff you do for him. All of my H's socks are pink because he started doing his own laundry. DO NOT do ANYTHING for him! He wants to be a big boy, he can start taking care of himself. Or he can cry to the OW and she can do it for him, which I doubt she will.. shes got her own man to take care of.

Time to get angry girl!
 
#5 ·
I have decided to take a step today. My kids are going out of town to spend Easter with my parents. H is going out of town to party with OW. I'm going to pack his sh*t up and leave it outside in the driveway. Then I'm going to go out myself. Have some fun with my friends.

Get mad woman! Let him KNOW you will not stand for another woman in your marriage. Throw his sh*t out in the front yard and burn it. Scream! Yell! And do not sleep with him!


He actually tried flirting with me the other day. I told him to keep his filthy hands off of me. It felt good.

DO NOT do ANYTHING for him! He wants to be a big boy, he can start taking care of himself. Or he can cry to the OW and she can do it for him, which I doubt she will.. shes got her own man to take care of.

Time to get angry girl!
:smthumbup:
 
#8 ·
You are not losing everything. You are losing a decaying albatross chained to a spiked collar around your neck. In exchange, you are gaining access to the world beyond this dead lice-ridden bird - a world of contentment in a sunrise, joy in a smile, peace in your own skin.

He is losing everything, though he doesn't realize that yet. You, though, you are gaining everything.
 
#10 ·
Stories like yours make me so sad and angry, but I must say your strength is amazing. You will come out of this an even more amazing woman than you are now.

If I were his wife, I'd be belittling the hell out of his feelings. "I'm going to pursue making this dinner with everything I have!" and "I will no longer deny myself the remote!" Hell, I'd probably use those line for anything I was doing around the house when he was in hearing range. He's acting like a 12 year old.

You're handling this the right way, though. You'll come out of this smelling like roses and he'll end up either being rejected by trash or being cheat on by trash.
 
#11 ·
And all of this is just the past 6 months. If I told about everything he has ever done over the past 15 years, ya all would reach through the computer and slap me silly for ever staying with him.
 
#13 ·
Obviously that did not matter to her none as I was just eavesdropping on my H on the phone with her. He is actually still on the phone with her as I write this. I couldn't stomach to listen any longer. He is pro-fusing his love for her. He is going on and on and on about how "good" she makes him feel and how he can't stop thinking of her and how his thoughts are consumed with her, day in and day out. I listened as he painted a little picture of a place they went to make out at. Now, here is the big twist All he is, is focused on "winning her and waiting for as long as he has too" (his quote I over heard him say) I walked away right about there. Oh, and he also told me that he no longer considers us married. That our marriage is only a piece of paper standing in his way and that he would pursue her with everything he had because she is what he wants and that it's time he (quote) "stops denying himself of her".
Apple, if you do not drop kick him on his a--, I will do it for you. FOR REAL. He is being so dispectful to you. I would have gotten on the other phone and said, "Hey I thought you said you were sorry for sleeping with my husband and that you're in love with another man and trying to win him back. Just so you know, me and hubs had sex on Tuesday and have the entire time. Go get tested for STDs STAT in case you think you're the only one."

Then I would tell him to GTFO out of the house. Throw his stuff out. Seriously. This is bordering on abusive, what he's doing to you. he wants his fantasy, he can have it, but not in your house with your kids there. It's disgusting!



 
#14 ·
Apple, you are a beautiful woman inside and out, and btw he thinks you got fat???? Eff him, he doesn't look like he's built like a friggin body builder!!! You have your proof now, I know you want to stay married, as do I. Get rid of this guy, he's a leech on your soul, and you don't need that.
 
#15 ·
I do want to be married. Marriage is important to me, but I do not want to be married to this @ss anymore. Someday, down the road I picture myself with a new husband. He's handsome, successful and smells great. And my STBX husband will be lowly, dirty and miserable.
 
#18 ·
Wow, it's crazy how different the wayward spouses can be.

Your husband is telling you everything (well not all, but a lot). And mine won't admit squat. Crazy.

I don't know how you are still in the house with him. His crap would be out on the lawn by now pulling that stunt!
 
#21 ·
I took the kids and we went to a relative's house for the evening. When I got home, my husband was in the drive way packing clothes into the trunk of his car. Now, while I do admit to having a rush of excitement over the possibility of him moving out, it also deeply saddened me at the same time. Because deep down, I dont want him to leave us but I know even deeper down, it is best he is gone.
 
#25 ·
I threw him out last night.. he *****ed.. whined.. tried to throw a temper tantrum..

I just told him. I refuse to come second anymore.. I am his wife, if he wants another woman he is going to have to leave, I will not sit and wait for him to decide. I deserve to be happy, I do not deserve to sit and wait for him to choose me or OW. It's not fair to our kids either.

He wants me to give him another chance.. I told him I don't think I have it in me.

He made threats.. to take my kids away from me.. to fight child support (when i left him last year I filed for child support and was getting 950 a month, he didn't like that!)

The only thing he did not do, was tell me he loves me... life is too short for me to live it miserable with someone who doesn't give a sh*t about my feelings.
 
#26 ·
oh and he still claims that she is just a friend lol

his exact words were....

"i don't see why you are making a big deal about me having a female friend, you never had a problem before"

to which i replied...

You never spend time alone with your other female friends, you never get very personal text messeges from your other female friends asking about personal family events, you never refuse to remove the other female friends numbers from your phone, and your other female friends are married and often go out with BOTH of us and their significant others...
 
#29 ·
I was talking to my best friend this morning.. she also went through a very hard divorce a few years ago.. the only difference between me and her is her H left her for another man...well, a transexual. (he dresses like a woman and acts like a woman but still has the male equipment).

She told me that I should be prepared for the feelings of "sowing my wild oats".. after her divorce she went through a period of, ummm.. well...wanting to experience A LOT that she missed out on because of getting married so young.

I want to go back to school.. i want to plant some roots in my life and make things better for my children and i...

As for finding someone else.. im not ready nor am i looking. but my friend seems to think im going to be like a bad version of girls gone wild for divorcees.

If i find myself dancing topless on a table can I call u to come pick me up apple? lol
 
#31 ·
So, "just a friend" just emailed me and wanted to let me know that "if it helps anything, I have not "been" with your husband since February."
Oh, yes "just a friend" that is wonderful news! It helps tremendously to know you have not been with my husband since february. (vomit)
 
#32 ·
oh gee.. yeah.. that changes everything.. NOT!

And i gaurentee you girl.. she is LYING! DO NOT BELIEVE A DAMN THING THIS WOMAN SAYS!

she is an adultress..and morally void.. she has no scruples and she will continue to lie to you.. as will your H!

This B*tch is tickin me off.. i need to go in the corner and breathe for a few minutes lol
 
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