but if I stay, then I have to accept the fact that she will never go away and will forever be intertwinded in my future. She will no doubt request child support which will be taking away from my own children's financial future.
Wow....this is a really really tough situation.You have been in my thoughts all day.I am so sorry that your going through this, my heart goes out to you. It's hard to imagine you could find any good in all that has happened, but you know the truth now . Illusions do not make us happy, they cause us to wander through life, bumping into barriers that are invisible to us because of the illusion that is created. Truth, on the other hand, reveals those barriers, and sheds light on them so that we can see well enough to overcome them. You mentioned his lack of interest in the marriage and that left you wondering why your marriage was not more fulfilling and more intimate.... Knowledge of the affair make it clear why all efforts have failed. I think everyone intuitively understands that all contact with a lover must end for life. Permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to someone who has been through hell. What woman would ever want to know that his or her spouse is seeing or communicating with a former lover at work or in some other activity? I am adamant in recommending that there be no contact with a former lover for life. In short, it's hard enough to restore a marital relationship when a lover is finally out of the picture. But it's almost impossible when the lover is still hanging around.
The first act of compensation to you from your husband should be to end his relationship with the other woman once and for all. He should never see or talk to her again, even if it means leaving his job or moving your family to another state. The reason should be obvious, but in case there's some confusion, he should be reminded that every contact he will ever have with this woman will be like a knife in your heart. He has already caused you to suffer unbearable pain, and any further contact with his ex-lover would keep you suffering. In your case, the affair is probably over, but because there is a child involved,she will always be a part of his life.I don't think anyone could ever really forgive and move past the affair if the husband has to maintain contact with this other woman.
Forgiveness is something I believe in with all my heart. I forgive others and have been forgiven many times.God wants us all to be forgiving just as he has forgiven us.The first decision you will face is whether or not to continue being married at all. Your husband's affair is bad enough, but now you are faced with the prospect of him raising someone Else's child.
There are many important issues to consider in deciding your future together. If the baby were his only child, and if your husband is still in love (or wants to be) with his ex-lover, who happens to be single and wants to marry him, I would lean toward encouraging you to divorce. But since YOU are the mother of his two children, he no longer loves his ex-lover, and wants to save your marriage, I would encourage you to remain married and raise your children together.But before anything,
I suggest he has a paternity test before making "ANY" decisions.This baby could be some other guys! She sounds like definitely the stalker type, not to mention "needy as hell" to pursue a relationship with a married man and allow herself to get pregnant knowing that.If she was as persistent as you say she was, then i wouldn't put anything past her.A few years ago, one of my grammar school friend's told me about some CRAZY Fatal Attraction girl she worked with had gotten pregnant by someone else and blamed it on the "married" man she was seeing so that he would leave his wife for her.He did and then married the girl.Two years later he found out the kid wasn't even his! So you never really know....get all the facts on the table before you decide what you are going to do.
Good luck and Stay Strong,