Join Date: Apr 2011
| | am i in the right spot?
I found this site through google, and have read half way through a long thread that i related to a lot, so now i kind of want to share my story, get advice, validation, support, help.... but if i don't belong here, let me know.
My wife and I have been married for 13 years. They have been great years up until about 1.5 yrs ago. My wife met a guy, through her work(he doesn't work there, and never did). They hit it off, and have become friends. He lives 1000+ miles away. They started out chatting online. At this point in me and my wifes life, we used to sit at the computer together, check each others email, and facebook together. He was on gmail, so i helped her set up a gmail account so she could communicate with him.
That first night, while chatting with him, he starts inappropriately chatting, cyber sex type stuff. I am sitting right there seeing it. She then laughed it off, but kind of encouraged him, and I didn't try to stop it either. I was curious as to how this would play out and stuff. At any rate, the next day, I told my wife that it was kind of fun, but asked her to not do that any more, on account of nothing good for our marriage could come from it. She agreed, and we moved on.
About a week later, she was chatting with him, and I walked up and sat down with her(something that we normally did) and they were all in that bad stuff again. It hurt me pretty good, but she played it off as being just fun, and he is 1000 miles away so he is harmless. I didn't agree, but figured at least they are not having real sex.
Meanwhile, he started calling her on her cell phone. Initially it was to ask about this work thingy. I saw right through that right away. I could tell it was an excuse to talk to her. He was getting infatuated with her. She is a nice, trusting, naive girl, so when i pointed that out, she didn't believe me.
I work a wacky shift, so I used to try to get to bed early, while she was still awake. One night, i was awoken by her talking on the home phone with this guy. At this point things started bothering me a little more. They were talking in the middle of the night while i slept. I would wake up at 2am to go to work, and she would just be crawling into bed. One time crawling into bed, just before i woke up, pretending to be asleep, and when i left at 2:30, she called him back and talked again for a long time.
This irritated me, but i tried to be an understanding husband, she has a friend now, al be it a guy, but a friend. friends are healthy right? they talked hours a night most nights. plus multiple times a through out the day. I started to realize that she was getting very much involved in this guys life. and started getting jealous. He was getting to spend the kind of time with her that i wished i could, but couldn't on account of kids and jobs and stuff.
Her sister pointed out to here that she was having an emotional affair, and she agreed, and said she would stop.....well i am not sure where things went wrong, but it is a year later and it is still going on.
A lot of stuff has gone on in the last year, i don't want to make this post a whole history, because it will take a long time...but feel free to ask me questions and i will answer with honesty.
Most of the time, i am feeling guilty for being smothering, and controlling, meanwhile feeling hurt and betrayed. I know nothing physical has happened between them, but it is still hurts me. I can't sleep, i've lost trust in her, and i have had an ache in my heart that won't seem to go away.
He seems to be the reason for all our fights. She knows how i feel about him, but won't give him up. Maybe i am just a jealous husband who should be happy that i have a good wife who is generally kind and loving. Or maybe i should be the jealous husband and go haywire.
What am i supposed to do, who am I supposed to be, how am I supposed to act....
Anyhow, this is just a brief synopsis/ramble of things. There is a lot more to the story, i just don't have time to fill in at the moment. Thanks for allowing me the ave to talk about this.