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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-26-2011, 03:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default HIV positive

Hi all

Been married to soon to be ex wife for 10 years togather, have three kids, always been working full time and she worked part time while going to post grad school, we both from good finacial families.
I went to doctor last month for first time general exam, due to history of Diabetes in family found out about the virus. was shoked, i thought he was joking, it took me an hour release he was series. I never cheated, never kissed or held or huged anyone except my wife.

before rushing home with a pistol with my hand i went to the park and took me a deep breath, then went home, called her mother to pick the kids so we can have talk with wife.

I asked her about her affair, who is she having an affair with, her face got blu was like what you are talking about, with red angry face I asked again and again. after argument and fights picked her phone and found numeruse calls and text from one person. she broke down and told me she had an affair with this man she met in business trip that work in same company and she been with him for more than a year.

she said she love me but not in love with me but still love me, and she is in love with other man. so I broke the news to her and told her what docotor found in the blood test. she thought i was saying that because i was angry. I showed her the papers and she almost passed out, crying, screaming. I kicked her out the house in her PJs like a fealthy animal.

couldnt believe the once was love of my life would do that to me. i was soo in love with that woman I couldnt be happied, 10 years of love turned to super hate and disguesting in few hours.

she begged me and cried and knocked on doors and windows to talk to her, the next villa saw her and picked her up to calm down.

I told her my parents and her parents about the situation. after few days, she got hold me, and I asked her what happen, it seemed the guy she in love with cheated on her while in vegas and gave her the virus then she passed to me. she broke up with that guy and he also left her.

without her knowldge, I took the kids and I flew back home Russia, leaving everything back in US, and told her if she need to settle things she needs to fly to russia and deal with russia court system because American court system when it comes to a father is just a total .....

I have to live what left from my life devoted to my kids only. im still blessed and glad to have wonderful kids.
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Old 04-26-2011, 03:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Breathe. What a freaking nightmare. This exact same thing happened to a man I knew a few decades ago. Read that again. A few decades ago. He is healthy and very well. He is happily married to another man (gay obviously). HIV is no longer a death sentence.

I am so sorry. What you are experience is so wrong on so many levels. All I can say is how sorry I am you are going through this.
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Old 04-26-2011, 03:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I am so sorry Gandam that your wife gave you this virus, enjoy the time, stay healthy friend.
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Old 04-26-2011, 03:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Wow. I am sorry to hear this happened to you.

You were right to tell her of the results and confront her. Sh eneeds to tell everyone she has had sex w/ about it too.

As for the laws: I'm unsure of how it will play out with the children. Do they know what happened?
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Old 04-26-2011, 03:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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her family disowned her,
I told our kids that their mother died, they are young.

and Hope every chating spouse suffer the same suffering im going through now, every spouse who cheated on her husband no matter what the reason has to suffer the same suffering.
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Old 04-26-2011, 04:39 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandam View Post
Hi all

Been married to soon to be ex wife for 10 years togather, have three kids, always been working full time and she worked part time while going to post grad school, we both from good finacial families.
I went to doctor last month for first time general exam, due to history of Diabetes in family found out about the virus. was shoked, i thought he was joking, it took me an hour release he was series. I never cheated, never kissed or held or huged anyone except my wife.

before rushing home with a pistol with my hand i went to the park and took me a deep breath, then went home, called her mother to pick the kids so we can have talk with wife.

I asked her about her affair, who is she having an affair with, her face got blu was like what you are talking about, with red angry face I asked again and again. after argument and fights picked her phone and found numeruse calls and text from one person. she broke down and told me she had an affair with this man she met in business trip that work in same company and she been with him for more than a year.

she said she love me but not in love with me but still love me, and she is in love with other man. so I broke the news to her and told her what docotor found in the blood test. she thought i was saying that because i was angry. I showed her the papers and she almost passed out, crying, screaming. I kicked her out the house in her PJs like a fealthy animal.

couldnt believe the once was love of my life would do that to me. i was soo in love with that woman I couldnt be happied, 10 years of love turned to super hate and disguesting in few hours.

she begged me and cried and knocked on doors and windows to talk to her, the next villa saw her and picked her up to calm down.

I told her my parents and her parents about the situation. after few days, she got hold me, and I asked her what happen, it seemed the guy she in love with cheated on her while in vegas and gave her the virus then she passed to me. she broke up with that guy and he also left her.

without her knowldge, I took the kids and I flew back home Russia, leaving everything back in US, and told her if she need to settle things she needs to fly to russia and deal with russia court system because American court system when it comes to a father is just a total .....

I have to live what left from my life devoted to my kids only. im still blessed and glad to have wonderful kids.
You need to get those kids back home, period. What a dirty thing( and illegal) to do to their mom. Two wrongs don't make a right.
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Old 04-26-2011, 04:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
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While I do sympathize with what happened to you, I can't imagine the pain you are feeling, it isn't right to tell them she is dead.
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Old 04-26-2011, 07:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I say tell them she's dead and let her be glad you didn't kill her like she killed you.
For every unfaithful spouse who has had an unprotected affair and put their faithful spouse at risk through their selfishness, let Gandam's story be a warning. The stupidity of your actions reaches farther than you can imagine while you're dealing with the excitement of forbidden fruit.
I'm sorry, but this story strikes home with me because I lived it. Thank God I came out negative, but she could've just as easily killed me with her irresponsibility. Gandam, my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry. I am so very angry that this happened.
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Old 04-26-2011, 08:28 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Casting, I am soooo happy to hear you are negative, that is wonderful news. My heart goes out to him as well.
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Old 04-26-2011, 09:42 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I agree with Casting on this one all the way. I need to get tested myself. My wife did get tested less then a month after the PA, but then I heard that is way to soon. I have no idea what I will do if I find out to be positive.
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Old 04-26-2011, 09:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I don't advocate violence against women but I'd understand.
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Old 04-26-2011, 09:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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we all can relate to gandors
pain/anger but.....

telling kids shes dead is wrong, tho' expeditious for the present.

taking 'em to russia, kinda wrong too but i cant say i wouldnt
do the same in his shoes either as he's right bout the US courts,
as they're horrible in re: to divorce/settlements etc.

if anyone here at TAM doesnt get a HIV ck every now n then,
well....they're ostriches is all i can say & be PC @ same time.

shalom........
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Old 04-26-2011, 10:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I was thinking earlier, that I pray that it is a troll, but I don't think he is....I pray for you G, I can completely understand your reaction, but be the bigger man. It will hopefully come in time. I can't say I wouldn't react the same, but I get that she did something that really physically affected you for the rest of your life, it is horrible and wrong, and I am thankful for you that modern medicine has made it possible for you to be healthy, I don't know with modern medications what a lifespan is, but I know it is alot longer than 10 years ago. I guess what I can say is that I am thankful for you that you found out, and are doing what you can and be healthy and do the best for you.
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Old 04-26-2011, 10:36 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I was thinking earlier, that I pray that it is a troll, but I don't think he is....I pray for you G, I can completely understand your reaction, but be the bigger man. It will hopefully come in time. I can't say I wouldn't react the same, but I get that she did something that really physically affected you for the rest of your life, it is horrible and wrong, and I am thankful for you that modern medicine has made it possible for you to be healthy, I don't know with modern medications what a lifespan is, but I know it is alot longer than 10 years ago. I guess what I can say is that I am thankful for you that you found out, and are doing what you can and be healthy and do the best for you.
I think you may be right. What were the risk factors for this guy getting AIDS? Was he bi? There are usually symptoms on initial infection. Also, treatment in Russia is not at all as good as in the US, so why would he go to Russia, why not move to another state and take advantage of the superior health care in US?
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Old 04-26-2011, 10:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm sorry this has happened to you. I wish you the best.
Take care of yourself and your children.
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