Troy, I have just read your post and looked at your 'If she want to go set her free' thread. I am pleased you have found some relief now, and it seems you well deserve it for all the effort you have put in to the relationship over the years. Do post how life continues, it is so helpful to see others moving on. just looking at these posts before I start work and it will help me get on with my day, just knowing others are or have felt like me, and there is light at the end of the tunel.
Ok . An update. I look back at the posts I wrote and from the position I am in now I am surprised at how mild the things I did were. At the time they felt like I was being a complete bastard.
I really thought I was being very hard line 180. It just shows how hard it is to do a 180!
It is over 6 weeks since my last post on this thread and I most certainly have let go.
I feel much better and suffer the pit of despair without reference to her. It is just emotion that needs to be dealt with. It only happens once a week or something.
letting her go helped me recover.
It helped my kids have a sane Father.
My 25 year marriage is over.
I am okay with it. She doesn't want me. I certainly don't want her now.
It was not the outcome I wanted but really I had no choice in this.
The only thing I could change was myself.
This thread is one of my fav's on here. When it was first posted (before my D was final) I printed it out and I kept with me and would read it and re-read anytime I wanted to go crazy on my ex and the ow. It helped me tremendously to let go. To any new members on here, I recommend to you to print it out and keep a copy handy.
Ok . An update. I look back at the posts I wrote and from the position I am in now I am surprised at how mild the things I did were. At the time they felt like I was being a complete bastard.
I really thought I was being very hard line 180. It just shows how hard it is to do a 180!
It is over 6 weeks since my last post on this thread and I most certainly have let go.
I feel much better and suffer the pit of despair without reference to her. It is just emotion that needs to be dealt with. It only happens once a week or something.
letting her go helped me recover.
It helped my kids have a sane Father.
My 25 year marriage is over.
I am okay with it. She doesn't want me. I certainly don't want her now.
It was not the outcome I wanted but really I had no choice in this.
The only thing I could change was myself.
(((hugs))) ing. Same with me. Divorce was not the outcome I wanted either but I am much better without him and with him still actively chasing the ow and still very deep in his fog, D was the only thing I could do. Now we just gotta believe somehow things will get better. You can change youself, just as I can change myself and maybe someday our spouses will see what they lost. (I would not take mine back but it would be nice to know he may someday regret what he did)
(((hugs))) ing. Same with me. Divorce was not the outcome I wanted either but I am much better without him and with him still actively chasing the ow and still very deep in his fog, D was the only thing I could do. Now we just gotta believe somehow things will get better. You can change youself, just as I can change myself and maybe someday our spouses will see what they lost. (I would not take mine back but it would be nice to know he may someday regret what he did)
(((hugs))) We are doing okay. Take it easy Apple.
I still have the private jet and helicopter on standby BTW)
I still have the private jet and helicopter on standby BTW)
Sweet I'm off work here at 4:30 central time USA. Not sure what time it is for you. It would be quite the sight to be taken away in the chopper instead of driving home in my camry. I'll have the university I work for clear the parking lot so you can land, lol
I am not new to this site, but to this section. I love the words of wisdom offered in this thread, I find some comedy as well. I don't know if my H has AW or not. I have not done any investigating, but thinking back on things before he left...I would wager that he does (poor her ;o) I have let go and I did the 180 almost from the beginning of our separation. It made me feel good and secure in who I am and what I deserve. Getting out of the Condo we shared as a family also helped a great deal. I have memories, but they are even settling into a new part of the brain that is not at the forefront. I am glad to see so many on here doing so well post divorce/separation...I know I can make it too ;o) I have copied the words of wisdom for any set backs I may suffer.
Hello. I am new to this thread. This part I am struggling with now. Facing the reality of letting go. I have a current thread right now about my wife being stubborn despite the affair being over as of late May. I know women typically take longer to get over it because the emotional aspects. If you have a chance, look at my history of the affair. Anyways, I know my self-esteem was crushed and has been stepped on for the last year. I had bad advice and thought I was doing the right thing. It's obvious it never worked. I need the strength to move on, but right now I'm struggling so much with it.
I know Morituri. One moment I'm feeling good, confident, and feel like I can do this. The next moment or next day, I get this "worried" feeling of losing the one I loved. It feels like an episode from the Twilight Zone regarding our loved ones. I was totally caught off guard with her comments that our marriage was in disarray for the last few years. Even though I'm not perfect, her perspective definitely was twisted. This decision would have been so much easier and better timed back in May when she and I talked about her meeting the OM to see once and for all if there's a future. She told me she felt bad hurting me ( she was sincere and was crying) but described it like an addiction. Now that she's on meds, the affair over (almost 100% sure), I feel like I'm rushing this at a time where there could be recovery. I know she's still hurting from the OM ending it because she listens to music about lost love and losing someone. I wish it was about me, but I'm certain it's about the OM. Sorry for my rambling here. She requested and had a video chat with the kids and I last night. She looked and sounded terrible. The kids let her know they missed her and wanted her back home. I kept my composure and had a smile on my face the whole time saying things have been great. Anyways, thanks for listening to my little rant.
In the meantime, might I suggest that you don't neglect your own life? Go out with friends, take your kids to fun places, get some exercise, eat healthy, etc. Don't put your life on hold because of her.
You might also want to limit the contact you have with her to just issues relating to the children. I say this because personal interaction with your wife while she's still pining away for the OM is very toxic and keeps you from enjoying the other things in life.
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Re: Just Let Them Go 
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I'm off work here at 4:30 central time USA. Not sure what time it is for you. It would be quite the sight to be taken away in the chopper instead of driving home in my camry. 
