Just Let Them Go - Page 12
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Just Let Them Go

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree162Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-30-2011, 08:39 PM   #166 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 153
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

I have lots of empathy for where you are at. I understand as I have moments still. Some days are filled with strength then out of the blue, as you said, large & small triggers toss you right back into the bottom of the cave that you managed to climb out of. It's good you have your kids to keep you busy and remind you of the great things in life. I am alone and have spent lots of hours thinking, remembering, feeling. Sometimes they were judt words but what others said is true, it DOES GET BETTER eventually. You seem like a nice person who has his heart in the right place. I believe you will find a loyal someone who will love you like you deserve. Hang in there ING...
52flower is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-31-2011, 04:44 AM   #167 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,617
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Ing: I have not read your thread , this may have been answered . Does the OM's wife know he is having an affair?
Posted via Mobile Device
Eli-Zor is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 07-31-2011, 05:02 AM   #168 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 31
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

@morituri (your post dated 04-28-2011, 10:03 AM, page 1 - "Here are some more words of wisdom...")

This is the best advice EVER! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this one!!!
marital_discord is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-01-2011, 02:12 AM   #169 (permalink)
ing
Member
 
ing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,197
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eli-Zor View Post
Ing: I have not read your thread , this may have been answered . Does the OM's wife know he is having an affair?
Posted via Mobile Device
No.
I have been trying to find out the wifes contact details. This was a work affair and it seems that privacy legislation prohibits the employer from revealing private details.
I think I found her email though.. Just this week

it wont't effect me since I am finished with her, but I owe it to her to tell her..

Last edited by ing; 08-01-2011 at 02:24 AM.
ing is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-01-2011, 02:46 AM   #170 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,617
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Do tell his wife , she can then make decisions about her marriage. I would be inclined to send a letter to the HR department copy your wife's boss and another director advising them of the affair, while this may not change your circumstance it may protect other marriages for their predatory behaviour.
Posted via Mobile Device
Eli-Zor is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-01-2011, 10:14 AM   #171 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 2
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

you say if she wants out just let her go...my situation is we have been married for twenty five years and have been together for thirty, we have two kids one is twenty and one is sixteen...i wish it was that easy to just let go..i know it will become less painful but man this really sucks.I have done all the wrong things and have been fighting her on this for months and she is to the point where she absolutely hates to be around me..things will be final soon and i will be moving out... The i will make it mantra does help but i am not so sure that me leaving and moving on will make her have second thoughts or any remorse and want to come back, nor do i feel i would want her back now.

Last edited by mortimus; 08-01-2011 at 10:43 AM.
mortimus is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-01-2011, 10:37 AM   #172 (permalink)
Member
 
Craggy456's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 280
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by ing View Post

I get caught by songs too. Songs that before meant nothing now are full of pain.

I know how it feels. I was never into pop music and I'm trying to change a few things in my 180 and a few weeks ago I heard a song that reminds me of what my H might think when he meets a woman in a bar when he's out of town


Me not working hard?
Yea right picture that with a kodak
And better yet, go to times square
Take a picture of me with a kodak
Took my life from negative to positive
And I just want yíall know that
And tonight, letís enjoy life
Pitbull, Nayer, Ne-Yo
[Ne-Yo / Nayer - Chorus]

Tonight I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow
Letís do it tonight
I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow
Lets do it tonight
Letís do it tonight
Grab somebody sexy tell Ďem hey
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight

Take advantage of tonight
Cause tomorrow I'm off to Dubai to preform for a princess
But tonight, I can make you my queen
And make love to you endless
This is insane: the way the name growin'
Money keep flowin'
Hustlers move aside
So, I'm tiptoein', to keep flowin'
I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan

Put it on my life, baby,
I make you feel right, baby
Can't promise tomorrow
But, I promise tonight
Excuse me
And I might drink a little more than I should tonight
And I might take you home with me, if I could tonight
And, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonight
Cause we might not get tomorrow


I choke every time I hear that on the radio

*sorry for the thread jack*
Craggy456 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-04-2011, 11:44 AM   #173 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 11
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who made this thread what it is. I have found a new more personally productive perspective through it. Thank you all!
FixMyHead is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-07-2011, 01:28 AM   #174 (permalink)
sds
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 12
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri View Post

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.[/I]
my wife is having and EA but she isn't claiming it as such. just rekindling a friendship. how can you apply this last bit of wisdom when she leaves with our three kids and they can barely make rent with the part time job she got?
sds is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-07-2011, 06:36 AM   #175 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The Great Lake State
Posts: 1,407
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

You are no more responsible for her financial needs than you were for what she did. She made the decisions to do what she did and she can live with the problems it created. DO NOT feel empathy for her no matter how much you love her. Think of it like an adult child moving away, sure you want to help, but they need to grow up and learn to do it on their own - you won't be there forever. In the case of spouse, same thing. She chose this road, she will have to live with her decisions and you won't be there to help her forever if she continues down it. She needs to face those realities and you supporting her only enables her behavior further. Would you sign a check that was to the bearer of "go ahead and cheat here's my money to do it"?
8yearscheating is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-07-2011, 08:40 AM   #176 (permalink)
sds
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 12
Default

The big thing is I'm concerned about my kids. She moved about 100 miles away and I'm not able to just go and drop off food and clothes for them. Also how could this play out in court if I don't support them? Will I get slammed with unpaid child support? Three kids + California = Broke!
Posted via Mobile Device
sds is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-07-2011, 08:57 AM   #177 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,363
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by sds View Post
The big thing is I'm concerned about my kids. She moved about 100 miles away and I'm not able to just go and drop off food and clothes for them. Also how could this play out in court if I don't support them? Will I get slammed with unpaid child support? Three kids + California = Broke!
Posted via Mobile Device
All good questions but I would suggest that you consider opening your own thread to get the visibility it deserves and thus get more comments from the other forum members.
__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links
morituri is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-07-2011, 09:07 PM   #178 (permalink)
ing
Member
 
ing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,197
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

"The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner."

It is six months since she left. Yesterday I got a grovelling apology and its all my fault email. She wants to come back.
The only problem with Letting Go. Is that you, well, let go.
I will post the details on another thread. I just wanted to update this thread since it was relevant.
ing is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-08-2011, 06:34 AM   #179 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The Great Lake State
Posts: 1,407
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by ing View Post
"The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner."

It is six months since she left. Yesterday I got a grovelling apology and its all my fault email. She wants to come back.
The only problem with Letting Go. Is that you, well, let go.
I will post the details on another thread. I just wanted to update this thread since it was relevant.
Looked for the details and couldn't find them?
8yearscheating is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 08-08-2011, 10:13 AM   #180 (permalink)
Member
 
lordmayhem's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA All The Way
Posts: 4,718
Default Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by ing View Post
"The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner."

It is six months since she left. Yesterday I got a grovelling apology and its all my fault email. She wants to come back.
The only problem with Letting Go. Is that you, well, let go.
I will post the details on another thread. I just wanted to update this thread since it was relevant.
What did your GF say about it?
lordmayhem is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:30 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.