Just Let Them Go

52flower · 07-30-2011, 08:39 PM

I have lots of empathy for where you are at. I understand as I have moments still. Some days are filled with strength then out of the blue, as you said, large & small triggers toss you right back into the bottom of the cave that you managed to climb out of. It's good you have your kids to keep you busy and remind you of the great things in life. I am alone and have spent lots of hours thinking, remembering, feeling. Sometimes they were judt words but what others said is true, it DOES GET BETTER eventually. You seem like a nice person who has his heart in the right place. I believe you will find a loyal someone who will love you like you deserve. Hang in there ING...

Eli-Zor · 07-31-2011, 04:44 AM

Ing: I have not read your thread , this may have been answered . Does the OM's wife know he is having an affair?
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marital_discord · 07-31-2011, 05:02 AM

@morituri (your post dated 04-28-2011, 10:03 AM, page 1 - "Here are some more words of wisdom...")

This is the best advice EVER! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this one!!!

ing · 08-01-2011, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eli-Zor

Ing: I have not read your thread , this may have been answered . Does the OM's wife know he is having an affair?
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No.
I have been trying to find out the wifes contact details. This was a work affair and it seems that privacy legislation prohibits the employer from revealing private details.
I think I found her email though.. Just this week

it wont't effect me since I am finished with her, but I owe it to her to tell her..

Eli-Zor · 08-01-2011, 02:46 AM

Do tell his wife , she can then make decisions about her marriage. I would be inclined to send a letter to the HR department copy your wife's boss and another director advising them of the affair, while this may not change your circumstance it may protect other marriages for their predatory behaviour.
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mortimus · 08-01-2011, 10:14 AM

you say if she wants out just let her go...my situation is we have been married for twenty five years and have been together for thirty, we have two kids one is twenty and one is sixteen...i wish it was that easy to just let go..i know it will become less painful but man this really sucks.I have done all the wrong things and have been fighting her on this for months and she is to the point where she absolutely hates to be around me..things will be final soon and i will be moving out... The i will make it mantra does help but i am not so sure that me leaving and moving on will make her have second thoughts or any remorse and want to come back, nor do i feel i would want her back now.

Craggy456 · 08-01-2011, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ing

I get caught by songs too. Songs that before meant nothing now are full of pain.

I know how it feels. I was never into pop music and I'm trying to change a few things in my 180 and a few weeks ago I heard a song that reminds me of what my H might think when he meets a woman in a bar when he's out of town

Me not working hard?
Yea right picture that with a kodak
And better yet, go to times square
Take a picture of me with a kodak
Took my life from negative to positive
And I just want y’all know that
And tonight, let’s enjoy life
Pitbull, Nayer, Ne-Yo
[Ne-Yo / Nayer - Chorus]

Tonight I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow
Let’s do it tonight
I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow
Lets do it tonight
Let’s do it tonight
Grab somebody sexy tell ‘em hey
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight

Take advantage of tonight
Cause tomorrow I'm off to Dubai to preform for a princess
But tonight, I can make you my queen
And make love to you endless
This is insane: the way the name growin'
Money keep flowin'
Hustlers move aside
So, I'm tiptoein', to keep flowin'
I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan

Put it on my life, baby,
I make you feel right, baby
Can't promise tomorrow
But, I promise tonight
Excuse me
And I might drink a little more than I should tonight
And I might take you home with me, if I could tonight
And, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonight
Cause we might not get tomorrow

I choke every time I hear that on the radio

*sorry for the thread jack*

FixMyHead · 08-04-2011, 11:44 AM

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who made this thread what it is. I have found a new more personally productive perspective through it. Thank you all!

sds · 08-07-2011, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morituri

You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior - something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.[/I]

my wife is having and EA but she isn't claiming it as such. just rekindling a friendship. how can you apply this last bit of wisdom when she leaves with our three kids and they can barely make rent with the part time job she got?

8yearscheating · 08-07-2011, 06:36 AM

You are no more responsible for her financial needs than you were for what she did. She made the decisions to do what she did and she can live with the problems it created. DO NOT feel empathy for her no matter how much you love her. Think of it like an adult child moving away, sure you want to help, but they need to grow up and learn to do it on their own - you won't be there forever. In the case of spouse, same thing. She chose this road, she will have to live with her decisions and you won't be there to help her forever if she continues down it. She needs to face those realities and you supporting her only enables her behavior further. Would you sign a check that was to the bearer of "go ahead and cheat here's my money to do it"?

sds · 08-07-2011, 08:40 AM

The big thing is I'm concerned about my kids. She moved about 100 miles away and I'm not able to just go and drop off food and clothes for them. Also how could this play out in court if I don't support them? Will I get slammed with unpaid child support? Three kids + California = Broke!
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morituri · 08-07-2011, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sds

The big thing is I'm concerned about my kids. She moved about 100 miles away and I'm not able to just go and drop off food and clothes for them. Also how could this play out in court if I don't support them? Will I get slammed with unpaid child support? Three kids + California = Broke!
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All good questions but I would suggest that you consider opening your own thread to get the visibility it deserves and thus get more comments from the other forum members.

ing · 08-07-2011, 09:07 PM

"The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner."

It is six months since she left. Yesterday I got a grovelling apology and its all my fault email. She wants to come back.
The only problem with Letting Go. Is that you, well, let go.
I will post the details on another thread. I just wanted to update this thread since it was relevant.

8yearscheating · 08-08-2011, 06:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ing

"The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner."

It is six months since she left. Yesterday I got a grovelling apology and its all my fault email. She wants to come back.
The only problem with Letting Go. Is that you, well, let go.
I will post the details on another thread. I just wanted to update this thread since it was relevant.

Looked for the details and couldn't find them?

lordmayhem · 08-08-2011, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ing

"The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner."

It is six months since she left. Yesterday I got a grovelling apology and its all my fault email. She wants to come back.
The only problem with Letting Go. Is that you, well, let go.
I will post the details on another thread. I just wanted to update this thread since it was relevant.

What did your GF say about it?