Just Let Them Go - Page 13 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #181 of 317 (permalink) Old 08-25-2011, 02:22 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

Thanks for this post..

I'm going to start applying this today. Hope this emotional rollercoaster comes to an end soon. As of this moment I WILL MAKE IT!!!!!
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post #182 of 317 (permalink) Old 08-28-2011, 05:49 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

bump

awesome thread - kept me sane (ish) for a while
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post #183 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-12-2011, 07:28 AM
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post #184 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-12-2011, 09:44 AM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

and bumpity bump bump
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post #185 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-13-2011, 11:29 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

Letting Go of Responsibility.

This won't apply to everyone but it certainly applied to me and was a hard thing to deal with.


When you let them go you have to not only let your lover go, your friend, and perhaps the Mother or Father of your children.

You have to let the world untangle around you, watching the person you loved so long destroy their life.

For me, this was really hard to do. She is determined to move on with her new sex driven life at the expense of every person she ever loved.

She made the decisions, she chose this. I think it is really, really dumb in spite of leaving me. It is still dumb.

You have to let go of any feeling of responsibility you have too.
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post #186 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-19-2011, 09:31 PM
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post #187 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-19-2011, 11:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Just Let Them Go

If you want to read the posts of the creator of "Just Let Them Go", rob x, click on "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious...

"Let your madness run with mine"

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post #188 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-20-2011, 03:04 AM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

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I did exactly that, let her go told her to be happy, it lasted 2 days and the OM was not ready for a relationship after all. She had the guest room at our house for 2 nights then my step dad drove her back to another state. She admits to being a fool, I still love her with all my heart. I am gutted.
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post #189 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-21-2011, 10:17 AM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

I wonder sometimes how long this take for some people.

Just let them go.

For me, it was almost 1.5mths after d-day. It was a hard decision. She knew I was ready to let her go when I said I wanted a D. And thanked her for the wonderful 18yrs we had together. I wished her the best in her future.

She broke down and said "I don't want you to go anywhere. I will remain NC. We have been married for 18yrs. Please give me a chance to prove to you how important this marriage is to me. I don't want to be alone."

It all sounds good and very believable. I said,"you can prove all that with NC letter"

Maybe I going too fast. But I'm still not sure what she is thinking. Or what her long term plans are.


Just Let Them Go
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post #190 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-26-2011, 12:11 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

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Originally Posted by this is bad View Post
I wonder sometimes how long this take for some people.

Just let them go.

For me, it was almost 1.5mths after d-day.
Some people do this in about 15 minutes.

Some people never get there and stay locked in a struggle with their spouse/ex-spouse for years on end.

Rob's material is pretty insightful. Rob is a good guy. I'd argue that it's not completely comprehensive and not nuanced, but when you are dealing with the spouse of somebody who is having an affair, 'subtle' fails to get through to them that they need to disentagle themself from the struggle and the kind of needy or manipulative co-dependent behavior that usually goes along with being a BS more often than not.

Trying to argue somebody out of their feelings doesn't work. Trying to manipulate them just makes them resent you.
Trying to control them, begging them, and so on... after a while is just being obstinate.

It most certainly isn't taking control of your own life and taking the lead on your own decission making.

There's a James Ward painting that comes to mind:



Don't be the "Donkey" in this image
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post #191 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-26-2011, 09:35 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

it takes some people longer than others, but you can let them go, i did. he is living in a ramshack trailer his mom gave him, and me and the kiddies are moving into a cute 3 bedroom house in 3 weeks, been at new job two and a half months. i think bankruptcy will be over in oct, then i file, then im free. thing is, i can tell he is back and forth, too bad!!!! just let them go and live your beautiful life
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post #192 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-27-2011, 12:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Just Let Them Go

How many have clicked on the link I provided to check out rob x's insightful comments?

"Let your madness run with mine"

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post #193 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-27-2011, 02:16 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

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Originally Posted by paramore View Post
it takes some people longer than others, but you can let them go, i did. he is living in a ramshack trailer his mom gave him, and me and the kiddies are moving into a cute 3 bedroom house in 3 weeks, been at new job two and a half months. i think bankruptcy will be over in oct, then i file, then im free. thing is, i can tell he is back and forth, too bad!!!! just let them go and live your beautiful life
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Hi Para! I am glad to hear things are going well w/ you
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post #194 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-27-2011, 03:23 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

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Originally Posted by morituri View Post
How many have clicked on the link I provided to check out rob x's insightful comments?

i have for sure, as well as soem coach stuff and from mark as well...all insightful, and has changed my approach to my affair.

while i like alot fo what dr. harley says, robs stuff makes just as much sense...and theres nothing wrong with a two pronged attack to destroy an affair.
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post #195 of 317 (permalink) Old 09-27-2011, 04:02 PM
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Re: Just Let Them Go

Quote:
Originally Posted by elph View Post
i have for sure, as well as soem coach stuff and from mark as well...all insightful, and has changed my approach to my affair.

while i like alot fo what dr. harley says, robs stuff makes just as much sense...and theres nothing wrong with a two pronged attack to destroy an affair.

How is having the objective of destroying an affair letting go?
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