Just Let Them Go

this is bad · 08-25-2011, 02:22 PM

Thanks for this post..

I'm going to start applying this today. Hope this emotional rollercoaster comes to an end soon. As of this moment I WILL MAKE IT!!!!!

whatonearthnow · 08-28-2011, 05:49 PM

bump

awesome thread - kept me sane (ish) for a while

MrQuatto · 09-12-2011, 07:28 AM

and bump.

Jellybeans · 09-12-2011, 09:44 AM

and bumpity bump bump

ing · 09-13-2011, 11:29 PM

Letting Go of Responsibility.

This won't apply to everyone but it certainly applied to me and was a hard thing to deal with.

When you let them go you have to not only let your lover go, your friend, and perhaps the Mother or Father of your children.

You have to let the world untangle around you, watching the person you loved so long destroy their life.

For me, this was really hard to do. She is determined to move on with her new sex driven life at the expense of every person she ever loved.

She made the decisions, she chose this. I think it is really, really dumb in spite of leaving me. It is still dumb.

You have to let go of any feeling of responsibility you have too.

MrQuatto · 09-19-2011, 09:31 PM

bumping...

morituri · 09-19-2011, 11:27 PM

If you want to read the posts of the creator of "Just Let Them Go", rob x, click on "Counter Intuitive" aka Things YOU need to DO that aren't obvious...

Mark1968 · 09-20-2011, 03:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TextbookStuffHere

Posted via Mobile Device

I did exactly that, let her go told her to be happy, it lasted 2 days and the OM was not ready for a relationship after all. She had the guest room at our house for 2 nights then my step dad drove her back to another state. She admits to being a fool, I still love her with all my heart. I am gutted.

this is bad · 09-21-2011, 10:17 AM

I wonder sometimes how long this take for some people.

Just let them go.

For me, it was almost 1.5mths after d-day. It was a hard decision. She knew I was ready to let her go when I said I wanted a D. And thanked her for the wonderful 18yrs we had together. I wished her the best in her future.

She broke down and said "I don't want you to go anywhere. I will remain NC. We have been married for 18yrs. Please give me a chance to prove to you how important this marriage is to me. I don't want to be alone."

It all sounds good and very believable. I said,"you can prove all that with NC letter"

Maybe I going too fast. But I'm still not sure what she is thinking. Or what her long term plans are.

Just Let Them Go

TimeHeals · 09-26-2011, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by this is bad

I wonder sometimes how long this take for some people.

Just let them go.

For me, it was almost 1.5mths after d-day.

Some people do this in about 15 minutes.

Some people never get there and stay locked in a struggle with their spouse/ex-spouse for years on end.

Rob's material is pretty insightful. Rob is a good guy. I'd argue that it's not completely comprehensive and not nuanced, but when you are dealing with the spouse of somebody who is having an affair, 'subtle' fails to get through to them that they need to disentagle themself from the struggle and the kind of needy or manipulative co-dependent behavior that usually goes along with being a BS more often than not.

Trying to argue somebody out of their feelings doesn't work. Trying to manipulate them just makes them resent you.
Trying to control them, begging them, and so on... after a while is just being obstinate.

It most certainly isn't taking control of your own life and taking the lead on your own decission making.

There's a James Ward painting that comes to mind:

Don't be the "Donkey" in this image

paramore · 09-26-2011, 09:35 PM

it takes some people longer than others, but you can let them go, i did. he is living in a ramshack trailer his mom gave him, and me and the kiddies are moving into a cute 3 bedroom house in 3 weeks, been at new job two and a half months. i think bankruptcy will be over in oct, then i file, then im free. thing is, i can tell he is back and forth, too bad!!!! just let them go and live your beautiful life

Posted via Mobile Device

morituri · 09-27-2011, 12:55 AM

How many have clicked on the link I provided to check out rob x's insightful comments?

Jellybeans · 09-27-2011, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paramore

it takes some people longer than others, but you can let them go, i did. he is living in a ramshack trailer his mom gave him, and me and the kiddies are moving into a cute 3 bedroom house in 3 weeks, been at new job two and a half months. i think bankruptcy will be over in oct, then i file, then im free. thing is, i can tell he is back and forth, too bad!!!! just let them go and live your beautiful life

Posted via Mobile Device

Hi Para! I am glad to hear things are going well w/ you

elph · 09-27-2011, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morituri

How many have clicked on the link I provided to check out rob x's insightful comments?

i have for sure, as well as soem coach stuff and from mark as well...all insightful, and has changed my approach to my affair.

while i like alot fo what dr. harley says, robs stuff makes just as much sense...and theres nothing wrong with a two pronged attack to destroy an affair.

TimeHeals · 09-27-2011, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elph

i have for sure, as well as soem coach stuff and from mark as well...all insightful, and has changed my approach to my affair.

while i like alot fo what dr. harley says, robs stuff makes just as much sense...and theres nothing wrong with a two pronged attack to destroy an affair.

How is having the objective of destroying an affair letting go?