This is one of the best posts I have ever read!!! As painful as it is nothing brings us more peace than let go, it took me a long time to realize this. You try to hold on and hold on and hold on sometimes to the point you will lose your dignity your mind and for what???? Just let them go. You will make it one way or the other and get stronger in the process.
I pray for the strength to even let go a little bit. 4 months after the EA finished and he tells me he loves me but the spark has gone! But he still sleeps in the same bed and wants to do stuff together. My heart is breaking. After 18 years and 3 children together how do I just let go? I'm too weak! Posted via Mobile Device
I pray for the strength to even let go a little bit. 4 months after the EA finished and he tells me he loves me but the spark has gone! But he still sleeps in the same bed and wants to do stuff together. My heart is breaking. After 18 years and 3 children together how do I just let go? I'm too weak! Posted via Mobile Device
Daisygirl, you are not too weak! You been married to this man for 18 years and have 3 children together, it's normal the way you feel, after all you have shared a good part of your life with this man not so easy to let go. Are you in MC? Are you trying to reconcile? Is he helping you to heal from his affair?
For those that followed this advice "Just Let Them Go"
Did it work?
What happened? Did the undernoted claim for your situation turn out to be true?
"Seriously, the quickest way to get them back."
I can't say if 'I got him back'. It's only been 2 weeks but he has definitely been miserable and realizing he can't have both. The last several days he been asking for hugs and affection when he leaves from visiting the kids. A couple of nights ago though he took several GIANT steps backwards and flew into a rage when he realized he wasn't invited to the birthday party I threw for our daughter. He realized he has really separated himself from the family and it's hitting him hard. I think I went in into the "Let them Go' theory thinking it would bring him back, but now 2 weeks out...I'm not so sure I want him back. That's because the rest of it rang true - I regained my dignity and realized I deserve to be valued, and he certainly wasn't valuing me. I also realized that if he does want me back, there is a lot of work to be done and I am not ready. But I definitely think it opened his eyes.
For those that followed this advice "Just Let Them Go"
Did it work?
What happened? Did the undernoted claim for your situation turn out to be true?
"Seriously, the quickest way to get them back."
Even though I wasn't even aware of rob x's masterpiece a few years ago, I did 'let her go' and she cried and begged me not to divorce her but the devastation I felt when I came upon the video of her and the OM having sex was simply too much for me to endure. So yes it worked even though my ex-wife and me divorced.
I believe it also worked for ArmyOfJuan but you would have to ask him.
I'm new here this week and I love this thread. I had always thought that once the spouse takes the real fun out of the affair than there's not much left. The elicit nature of an affair I always figured was the best part. Once everything is outed and especially if the cheated on spouse moves on it's just another relationship.
Bump!
I l ove this thread
It's hard. But I'm letting go! I have told him we are spreading after Xmas. I feel relief and at peace. I still adore him. But I can't rely on him to make me happy any more. I have to do that for myself!
But last night, he wanted to make love!! Is that allowed when ur trying to let go?? Posted via Mobile Device
If you don't feel comfortable, then don't . If your separating as he does not want to be in a marriage with you then don't , why feed his needs if he cannot and will not fight and change for your marriage. Posted via Mobile Device
the devastation I felt when I came upon the video of her and the OM having sex was simply too much for me to endure.
Mori, I know you've mentioned before that you had some trick you did to stop the triggers from that and I'm curious to what they were. I have my own little thing that I do and I did not see the event go down so I am wondering what you do. Care to share?
Mori, I know you've mentioned before that you had some trick you did to stop the triggers from that and I'm curious to what they were. I have my own little thing that I do and I did not see the event go down so I am wondering what you do. Care to share?
I think it was mori who recommended picturing clown sex, especially with running around and honking a horn. It works great for me, I actually laugh about it now!
Mori, I know you've mentioned before that you had some trick you did to stop the triggers from that and I'm curious to what they were. I have my own little thing that I do and I did not see the event go down so I am wondering what you do. Care to share?
I think it was mori who recommended picturing clown sex, especially with running around and honking a horn. It works great for me, I actually laugh about it now!
Exactly Lon.
Jelly it is a form of mental video editing that worked for me every time the images of her and the OM having sex made their sh!tty visits Give it a try, have a little patience with the process and hopefully you to will no longer have these flash backs of you with your OM and your ex-H with his OW. Though be ready to laugh your a$$ off repeatedly.
I think it was mori who recommended picturing clown sex, especially with running around and honking a horn. It works great for me, I actually laugh about it now!
Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri
Though be ready to laugh your a$$ off repeatedly.
Ok. I am going to try this clown sex trigger thing. So you literally imagine them dressed up as clowns?? LOL.
Ok. I am going to try this clown sex trigger thing. So you literally imagine them dressed up as clowns?? LOL.
yep, literally... it is so hard not to feel yourself compelled to laugh - it's like your whole gut is trying to cry and the more painful the thought of it would be the harder it comes out as laughing. It's a weird laugh too, you can feel a tinge of sadness like your body just wants to sob, but then it becomes hysterical instead - I'm not sure it's entirely healthy but it puts a smile on my face so ends up making me feel good.
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Give it a try, have a little patience with the process and hopefully you to will no longer have these flash backs of you with your OM and your ex-H with his OW. Though be ready to laugh your a$$ off repeatedly.
