Personally I would wait til the divorce to date again. But, I am not you, and I don't know where your head is in things right now. Maybe your farther ahead than I am. You probably are.
For me, I don't think I will be ready to date in the near future.. I just spent 15 years in a horrible marriage.. time for ME time. When I work on me, find out how wrong I handled things in this relationship, have more self confidence, I might start dating.. this will probably take me another 15 years, at which point i will be almost 50 .. so blah lol
I guess it becomes more of a question of, "Am I doing what they are doing?" if you are in fact not divorced yet. Like as we speak, my husband is off on a weeklong vacation with OW and her son, lying to me. He moved out 7 weeks ago under the same old umbrella of wanting to reconcile but not committing that all WAS cling to. Now he used his gaslighting techniques to tell me he was done with me when I kept digging, and so now he's been talking to OW for 4 weeks, admitting that this makes him unfaithful but he doesn't care because our marriage is over. Okay, marriage over. Then file. Or tell your spouse you want out and THEN pursue someone else. It's all crap BS. So I'm catching him this week. But if I turn around and go on a date with someone this weekend, does that make me a hypocrite? I want to at least file for divorce first. And even then, I'd feel like I'm doing the same as him, though I haven't cheated on him since he left me. But I want to walk away on the day my divorce is final with a clear conscience and know I've been squeaky clean and upheld my marriage vows. KWIM?
The difference between you and your cheating hubby is that you are not a dumba**.
You KNOW where the marital boundaries are, he doesn't - if he ever did. Your knowledge regarding male/female dynamics can help protect you from becoming that which you abhorr - unfaithful.
If you choose to 'date' other men before you get divorced, it should not be for romantic/sexual purposes but to LEARN how to separate the good guys from the bad ones - clones of your DH (dumba** husband).
Hopefully you won't think I'm being patronizing but I do respect your beliefs - the world would definitely be a better place if there were more of you - but please keep an open mind that it is possible to 'date' others without betraying your moral code.
The difference between you and your cheating hubby is that you are not a dumba**.
You KNOW where the marital boundaries are, he doesn't - if he ever did. Your knowledge regarding male/female dynamics can help protect you from becoming that which you abhorr - unfaithful.
If you choose to 'date' other men before you get divorced, it should not be for romantic/sexual purposes but to LEARN how to separate the good guys from the bad ones - clones of your DH (dumba** husband).
Hopefully you won't think I'm being patronizing but I do respect your beliefs - the world would definitely be a better place if there were more of you - but please keep an open mind that it is possible to 'date' others without betraying your moral code.
For sure! I use the term "date" loosely. More like have drinks with someone of the opposite sex, not "jump in the sack and then introduce them to my kids teh next day". Or heck, take them on vacation with me and the man, LOL. I am so not whole yet. I can't possibly jump into something serious with the injury my heart has sustained.
I really thought I could tell the good guys from the bad ones. My husband was a good guy. He just lost his marbles and fell into a trap. He's a weak man. I was completely fooled, and I can say that he did truly love me and I think he was faithful for most of our 10 years. I do kind of regret keeping him around 4 years ago when he had an EA. But I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter if I'd left him then. What I will be looking for this time is someone who has God in their heart. And there's no harm in getting some male attention to boost the ego.
Last week I tried flirting with a bartender... I was out to eat with a friend of mine. And she said, "see if we can get a free drink"... So I looked at the at the bartender and went to lick my straw in my drink seductively... and the straw went up my nose.
Seems my flirting skills are a little rusty... but we did get a free drink for making him laugh!
It's all good to get out and have fun I think.. which for the past few months I have been trying to do. I go out with my friends more, I have fun, and not thing about H and his sh*t. I think thats healthy. And as long as no sack jumping or serious talks happens.. its a good thing lol
I wish my husband would "sack jump" me on his own instead of me doing the initiating LOL!!! God I haven't flirted in so long, I don't think I could. To be perfectly honest, the letting go is gonna be interesting. I honestly don't think I'd ever want to be in another relationship again, because I love him, and I know I always will. I'll just sit here in my little house and get like 20 cats lol.
Another relationship I could go for.. somewhere wayyyyyyyyy wayyyyy wayyyyy farrrrrrrrrr down the line.... Marriage again? Nope I don't think I will ever do that again
^ That is exactly how I feel Lily. Though I have to say, after finally getting out of Limbo and finalizing the divorce, that feeling lifted a little bit.
^ That is exactly how I feel Lily. Though I have to say, after finally getting out of Limbo and finalizing the divorce, that feeling lifted a little bit.
Still I don't think I'd do it again.
You and Lily are both full of Chit. All it takes is that pair of eyes that make you latch on and bam, you can't get them out of your head....
You and Lily are both full of Chit. All it takes is that pair of eyes that make you latch on and bam, you can't get them out of your head....
Sorry to say, that is not all it takes. After going through a divorce, I am still nowhere near to latching my eyeballs onto someone. In fact, I want to hide from people in a way.
Eventually I will get there but it seems that won't happen for a long time. I fall in love every blue moon. And the moon ain't gonna be blue for awhile!
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Re: Just Let Them Go 
