I wont drag this on any longer then need be. My common law spouse is texting another man. I nailed her on it a few months ago when she forgot to delete her messages. They were talking in a sexual way, asking questions about each others sex life, she never said anything about not being happy about her sex life. I know the guy well, we hang around sometimes but he is not from the area, he lives 1 1/2 hours away. My spouse is good friends with his girlfriend. I am not sure if she is aware of the texting between my spouse and her boyfriend.
When I nailed her on it, she said it was just for fun "nothing is going on". Last week I noticed his name on her text list again but she is deleting the messages. Could she be deleting the messages so I dont get angry when there is really nothing other then good fun going or could it be more then just a good laugh.
Basicaly my question is, how should I go about dealing with this issue. Should I ask her face to face? Should I try to secretly talk to his girlfriend to see what she knows about it? or Should I ride it out for a bit and keep track of what is going on.
Also for all you tech people out there, her cell is under my name, is their anyway that any texting from her phone could be forwarded to my cell without her knowing?
Tell her to stop all contact with this man immediatly.. remove him from her phone.. remove him from email or anything else she has him added on.
You can't have her texts forwarded as far as i know.. but you can look up online and see if she is still texting him. it will say a phone number by every incoming and outgoing text. if they are his number then you know shes still talking to him.
Ok, I went through something similar to this though what I went through consisted of my wife texting 3 guys more than any spouse should or really any human because it was way out of control. In a 6 month period my W and 1 guy texted each other 5600+ times and talked on the phone around 1200+ minutes (all which was behind my back, like an hour after I had left for work). Her and a 2nd guy were texting about 1600+ and talked for about 200+ minutes, and the 3rd guy she texted around 1600+ times as well but they didn't talk on the phone.
The bad part is that you should have tried to keep this knowledge from her for a while to try to learn more about the situation because she is now like a gazelle in the middle of a field but she has stopped grazing because she now believes that she has heard a possible preadator in the area. So you have to just kind of drop it for a while and try not to act suspicious, I know it's easier said then done.
Start investigating asap. Don't bring anything up to anyone until you have some solid proof, or unless you KNOW that you can trust them because sometimes someone you trust can help you out with investigating or they can give you their opinion from their point of view because we may not notice strange behaviour thats going on around us that a 3rd party person might have noticed.
Or go about it this way; Talk to her, ask her if something is wrong with your marriage. You may think everything is all good but there could be something lacking so make sure to explain to her that she shouldn't hold back because if there is a problem you guys need to work together to fix it and that if something is wrong you want to get on top of it now because your marriage is your top priority.
If she has a smartphone, then you can install software on her phone to read her texts, listen to her conversations, track her movements via GPS, read her email, and even use her phone while it is off as a bug for conversations in the room. Google "cell phone spy" for options.
It sounds like something is going on. I would use the phone software first. If you demand no contact, she may become suspicious and hide her activities (such as by buying a pre-paid phone).
I apologize for jumping right to the whole "start snooping" talk, I just kind of feel like I'm talking to myself because of your situation and thats my normal reaction to it all since D-Day and if I could go back in time I would have held off a while longer to try to figure out details about what was being said and going on. All I have are numbers and thats it, I don't have anything kind of evidence that supports or denys the accusations that have been made against my W. So I have been stuck at a stalemate for 6 months and just left in limbo with nothing but my thoughts and phone bills, and trust me without any kind of detailed evidence this whole thing has been haunting me. I'm left here with so many questions that will never fully be answered.
You may have caught this early enough to just stop this kind of behaviour without any kind of mental or emotional trama, thats why I said that you should talk with your wife to see if somethings wrong.
Also for all you tech people out there, her cell is under my name, is their anyway that any texting from her phone could be forwarded to my cell without her knowing?
I am hoping she forgets to erase the messages one day, she already done it once, thats how I knew it was going on. If I can find something on there just one more time thats when I will sit her down. I also noticed today in her contacts she has changed his name to his girlfriends name, her name is in their twice and one of them is his number. She must be getting suspcious that I am on to her. She has been home now since october on maternity leave, she is really bored being home. Maybe he is just entertainment while I am at work. They have no way of hooking up, it would have to be a really screwed up bull**** story that she would have to tell in order for them to be able to hook up some how. For now I know for sure nothing more then texting has been going on.
A low-tech way of tapping her phone would be to hide a voice-activated digital recorder where she uses her phone in private (her car, her bedroom, etc.). This can give you one side of her conversation. Of course, if it's just texting, you'll have to resort to the phone software to secretly forward the texts to you.
Maybe he is just entertainment while I am at work. They have no way of hooking up, it would have to be a really screwed up bull**** story that she would have to tell in order for them to be able to hook up some how. For now I know for sure nothing more then texting has been going on.
How can you be sure they're not together? She's at home while you're at work. Is anyone else at home with her to verify that he's not coming by? I know you said he's 1.5 hours away, but that's close enough to take a day off work once in a while and be at your house from 10AM to 3PM.
I would go one of two avenues right now. Either ramp up your detection methods by using the software/recorder, or confront her. She's hiding her contact with another man. That's not remotely OK. If there's nothing to hide, she should be willing to show you all her texts. The fact that she deletes her texts and hides him under another name tells me that she is guilty. If you confront her, she needs to send him a no-contact letter, you need to tell the OM's girlfriend what is going on, and she needs to delete/block him from her phone/internet contacts. She also needs to provide complete transparency in the future.
Well since OM has a girl friend, and once you can get some hard proof..say something you can copy and print out you can give the OM the evidence, or at best lie about having it.
Point is with evidence it gives you the power to black mail. You can confront the OM with out ever letting your spouse know. Simply let him know that as long as he breaks off all contact with your W and even if she continues to contact him and he does not respond the evidence you have will not get out.
In addition as long as your wife does not find out about this conversation or if any body should ever mention this conversation to your wife the evidence will remain silent from his girl friend and his family.
The thing is it can be a b*tch to control your wife, but the leverage you will have against OM will be....or should be good enough to have the OM do the breaking up instead of your wife. He may have more to lose, there for no matter how many time your wife tries to contact him, the OM will or should do the distancing, and your wife... hopefuly will never know why.
So the trick...does the OM have more to lose if this thing is exposed? Do you have the evidence that will convince OM that it's not worth his time with your W.
Some time a little man to man talk works, but only if your wife doesn't find out about it.
Sometime you just have to blow the whole thing out of the water....expose to everyone and make it as inconvienent and as uncomfortable for the affair to continue.
Basicaly my question is, how should I go about dealing with this issue. Should I ask her face to face? Should I try to secretly talk to his girlfriend to see what she knows about it? or Should I ride it out for a bit and keep track of what is going on.
Right now.. Go gently. Calm down. This is not going to be solved TODAY. or next week. I really stuffed up this bit and am now separated..
Take a good look at your partner. Is the connecting with you? I mean do you recognize her when you talk to her? If you do then this is good. If you have no idea what I am talking about. This is also good
The texting is bad. Just check your phone records. No need to get all hi tech. slow down.. slow down.. think..
From what I read on here so far, I think I am better off to wait this out a little and hope she slips up. I am not worried about him coming here while I am at work, this house should have a revolving door on it. Their is always people stoping in unannouced during the day, her mother, aunt and cousin just to name a few.
I did notice last night when I was looking threw her cell, that he is the one doing most of the texting. Out of 35 texts only 6 were outgoing. The messages are deleted but i can still see who she is texting. Maybe he is more into this then what she is, it may have started out as a good laugh but now he wants to take it to another level. I would love to find out a little more before I nail her on it. I know she will slip one day and forget to delete. She is very forgetful.
Wife texting other man!!! 
