Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
I have been reading posts on TAM for a few months now. There is a lot of support and a lot of good people going through horrible things on here. But there are a few things that I noticed that people keep saying that I don't think it's necessarily true, especially about face book and or myspace. As long as sex has exsisted, affairs have as well. If someone is going to cheat then they are, it doesn't matter what the source is, it's what in their heart. If you intend to use something as a tool or source for cheating then of course anyone will look at and say DAMN that facebook or damn that myspace or whatever tools they may use. Facebook is over 10-15 years old easy it was used then to keep in touch with colllege friends or people from school. Then more money was invested and it changed over time.
My point is Facebook is fairly new, before that that wa myspace, beofre myspace, there were ads before ads, and the computer there were letters, phones etc. People have always cheated the tools and methods have changed over time. So to be honest before anyone wants to bash the internet. And trust me there is a lof of bad out there when it comes to the internet don't get me wrong. But casting the blame on a social network b/c a SO or husband or wife or whomever want's to be unfaithful is well a mood point.
You have to look at the PERSON that is doing it and get on their case and remember the task at hand. If some one is going to F around well they will and there is nothing you can do about, all you can do is control yourself. People have cheated for ever and will continue to do so, if it wasn't for facebook or mysace then for sure will be other things out there as a means to use for cheating.
The question you have to ask is if and why there were looking for that person to begin with? And if someone found them somehow or some way, what are they going to do about it?.
Thanks for reading this long posts I just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading of you did read this. =)
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
Yes and no.
Yes it's true that affairs have always happened and if people want to cheat, they will find a way.
However the Internet makes finding people to cheat with easier. It makes everything easier to do once you are communicating with your lover... no more pebbles thrown against a window to get to talk to them - just email, IM or text.
Also old lovers can hunt you up from anywhere when they would never find you again if it was 20 years ago.
It doesn't cause it, it just makes it so much easier to do.
Of course keyloggers make it so much easier to catch and prove cheating too... so there is a balance of sorts.
__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
I disagree it makes it easier yes, do you have to do it? No. just because it makes it easier out there doesn't mean you do it, it's the person a person true nature always comes out. There are always tools out there there will always be something but it all leads back to the person. Who intiated it in the first place. So then what mind as well, blame cell phones, tv, letters, or any type of communication used in everyday settings.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
Well actually it did, it did happen to me. My long term bf used it as a tool. So I'm not speaking as a person that doesn't have the experince of knowing what it feels like. But in everything you have to look at the person.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by krismimo
Well actually it did, it did happen to me. My long term bf used it as a tool. So I'm not speaking as a person that doesn't have the experince of knowing what it feels like. But in everything you have to look at the person.
I am looking at the person, and that person just happens to have a Facebook, along with 650,000,000 other people.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
right they do along with everybody else, i do and mu husband but the diffrence is is that person going to be honest with you enough and respect your boundries while using the network if not then not the social networks fault.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
My wife's affair started on facebook. Would she have cheated without facebook??? I don't know. She never had contact with this guy in normal life...the one who was putting the moves on her and making her feel so special.
I guess you could say she was capable of cheating. Facebook just made it super easy and more convenient. Sometimes that is all that makes the difference.
You can say what you want about facebook. I say it is dangerous to those married to people capable of cheating. It's like sending a recovering alcoholic on a brewery tour every day.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
It does make it easy, not denying that. But thanks for taking the time to ready my post, as well as it's mine too. No matter what people's true nature come out.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
Totally agree that if someone cheats, there's something within themselves that is causing them to look elsewhere for fulfillment.
However, I do think facebook, myspace, or any internet social network presents more opportunity and temptations. There's a reason one of the most common affairs is between co-workers, they're someone you connect with often.
Same goes if you're connecting with someone online regularly, it's just another location to be social and engage with people. Sooner or later, you'll re-connect or meet someone new that gives you that little addictive spike of excitement. Maybe you can recognize that spike and turn away, but it may be tempting to go back for seconds when it's "harmless" internet chatting.
With the use of the internet, people have more opportunities to find interesting and engaging people that share their interests. They might not even realize how unfulfilled or bored they are in life, until something new and sparkly comes along. From there it's a fast slipery slope to cheaterville.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
I agree with you saffron well put!, as for RWB I'm soryy but I think she was using facebook as a scape goat something to hide behind her actions for what she done, it's like oh I can't help it it's face book's fault. It makes it tempting no doubt indeed but as adults it's up to us to umm I dont know say no. We decide our actions.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
This is exactly why I wrote this post to begin with. Not taking actions for what you do your in denial. the truth is not always a conveinient thing. Think of all the spouses and loved ones that have the same exact account, same outcomes as we do but they don't cheat they don't deciet their loved ones, they like you and me have a choice. You had a facebook you had a mayspeace or email or whatever did you cheat? No. So what is the exception then? There is none. perfect example, my husband told me about this lady who wanted to add him as a friend on face book, in his previous marriage she wanted to get with him and he politely rejected her even though she knew then he was married. He remarried to me, he oltd me that she wanted to add him and we should visit. Not only did he not add her, he told me about it.
My ex had a facebook didn't tell me that he had one knowing I had one as well, and I found out later why, he had a girlfirend, we were together for 8 yrs he was with this other girl for half the time we were together. He was secretive, he wouldn't even acknowledge me as a gf on FB. World of diffrence with my husband. That is when I learned, that everyone is diffren't. And people are going to do what they're going to do. For as many people that use the internet and other devices to cheat there are others that simply don't. It's within your heart and your mind the choices your going to make.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
Facebook and other social networking sites may not be the cause, but they do FACILITATE cheating. They also bring together people who should never have gotten in touch with each other in the first place. My wife's EA with an old high school boyfriend started because the OM looked her up on facebook. Then she practically fell down the slippery slope.
Then there's all the "pokes" and other flirty applications that facebook has. Facebook and Myspace FACILITATE affairs by making it so easy to create secret accounts simply by having another secret email. There's a reason that Facebook is called "Cheating Made Easy". If your spouse creates a secret facebook account under a hidden name, it's hard to find out unless you have a keylogger or other computer monitoring program installed.
Re: Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by krismimo
As long as sex has exsisted, affairs have as well. If someone is going to cheat then they are, it doesn't matter what the source is, it's what in their heart.
So, you're stating that, because your husband is trustworthy and morally incorruptible, you would have no problem with him attending parties at the Playboy Mansion and being propositioned by 22 year-old models? If what is in your heart is good, then you can't possibly be influenced by your environment?
That is perfectly wrong. Environment can, does, and always has, influenced men and women to do the wrong thing.
Stop Blaming Face Book, Myspace or the internet for cheating. 
